You Are Going to Prison: Our national acting treasure, Nicolas Cage, is in final negotiations to team up with director John Carpenter for a behind-bars prison thriller called Scared Straight. Story follows a troubled teen sent to prison as part of a crime-prevention program, who gets taken hostage by prisoners when a riot erupts. Cage will play an older prisoner who presumably, despite his advancing age, selfish ways, and the fact that this was his last day in prison, risks his neck to save the kid. [HR]

The Devil Wore Ivy: The Devil Wears Prada's Aline Brosh McKenna will write The Ivy Chronicles, the Sarah Jessica Parker "upper-middle-class New Yorker" movie, for Warner Bros. It should be an easy gig; producers plan to reuse many scenes from Sex and the City, since no one would notice. [HR]

NBC Cries Wolf: NBC has green-lit a pilot from Dick Wolf and Law & Order writer Chris Levinson called Law & Order: Habeus Corpus Lost and Found, about detectives solving crimes a female detective solving crimes. [Variety]

Paramount Deceives Us: Christopher Reich's unstoppable bestseller, Rules of Deception — available in airline seat pockets everywhere — will be adapted for the screen by Adam Cozad. Book focuses on a doctor whose dead wife turns out to be a spy of some sort, and now he's the center of a crisis that could result in nuclear war! But don't worry, everything turns out okay. [Variety]

The Picture of Firth: Colin Firth will star with Ben Barnes in Dorian Gray, based on Oscar Wilde's story about that guy (Barnes) who ages in a painting instead of real life — you know, the book you pretend to have read? Firth will play Lord Henry Wotton, an aristocratic douche bag who corrupts Gray with his life of hedonism — a Victorian Tucker Max, if you will. HR]