Weggis

Dear Mr Brown

2009-06-30T14:58:00.002+01:00

I have received in the last few days an application form for the "Winter Fuel Payment".

Now, I don’t wish to appear ungrateful, but recognising your desire to remain in your current job and your record of bribing the electorate to vote for you, I wish to make a suggestion.

What I really need is a:

SUMMER AIR CONDITIONING PAYMENT.

I feel this would fit neatly into your current policy portfolio of doing fuck all about Global Warming.

Your sincerely
Weggis

Transfer Gossip

2009-06-23T19:03:00.003+01:00

Several of the top clubs are reported to be having a clear out this summer to reduce their expenses bill but so far there is little sign of interest or offers for those on the transfer list.

Norwich, having dropped to the third tier, are releasing their maverick and rather expensive midfielder, Ian Gibson. Delia was not keen on bringing in local prodigy Adrian Ramsay until she realised he was not that Ramsay. They are expected to turn their finances around by concentrating on the catering side with a special promotion – 100 things you can do with greens. They are also interested in the university player Rupert Bear.

Chadwell wing back, Wilson, was spotted recently leaving the home of the Reds fiery tempered Scottish manager, prompting speculation that he may be rejoining that club. Chadwell City have denied the rumours saying that the Reds are broke and can’t afford him, adding that the injury from a flying mobile phone is not serious.

Wembley Green are lining up an audacious 6 figure bid for Hayes left sided midfielder John McDonnell, but terms seem to be the sticking point. John wants a guaranteed spell on the green benches and sandwiches at half time.

Salford United are far from that. Their star striker’s future is in the balance as the Board continues to bicker over her off-field activities.

Ageing star playmaker Mandelson, having returned from a spell on the incontinent looks set to move into management while Tate & Lyle veteran Sir Alan is looking to move in the other direction.

Berks wide left wing back, Derek Wall, is interesting several clubs in South America.

Deptford United have held off a strong challenge from an undisclosed European club for the services of Ute Michel and look set to maintain their current line up, although the status of Jim Jepps’ loan deal is unclear.

That fiery Scottish manager remains unable to fill the position vacated by the now stinking rich Tony Blair. The option of David Cameron remains off limits at least for another year until his opposition contract expires.

Finally, GLA Hotspurs look to have secured a sponsorship deal with Johnson & Johnson.

Spot the Trend

2009-06-10T22:41:00.003+01:00

There is a notion, justifiably, that the Home Counties of England are traditional Conservative territory and that anywhere north or west of the Watford Gap is traditional cloth cap Labour territory, both with a few exceptions of course.

Now take a look at the table below which shows the percentage share of the vote in the European elections for the Green Party and the British National Party by region.

Region	Greens	BNP
South East	11.60%	4.40%
London	10.90%	4.90%
South West	9.30%	3.90%
East of England	8.80%	6.10%
Yorkshire and Humber	8.50%	9.80%
North West	7.70%	8.00%
East Midlands	6.80%	8.70%
West Midlands	6.20%	8.60%
North East	5.80%	8.90%

It seems to me that the Green Party does best in the South East and as we move away to the north and the west there is a general decline in support. The BNP seems to me to be the antithesis to that trend.

So what we’ve got in general is the BNP doing better in Labour territory and the Greens doing better in Conservative territory.

Just as senior Labour grandees were amazed when the Trade Unions marched in support of Enoch Powell, could there be a not so visible march of the Blues causing the current Tory grandees to sit and stroke their beards.

Something for the party strategists to mull over.

[Note: I have excluded Wales and Scotland because they both have their own National Parties which rather confuses the figures]

Eerily Quiet

2009-06-04T14:30:00.002+01:00

I’ve just been round the corner to do my public duty and cast a vote in the Euro Elections. For the first time, as far as I can recall, there were no tellers there wanting to tick me off their list. True, it is pretty much a solid Tory ward but there have always been tellers there from the 3 main parties in the past. They work together in shifts. I usually know who they are and stop for a chat and a bit of leg pulling.

I know this area pretty well and also the bit of Wanstead I usually do the leafleting in. You get to know over time which houses have posters in the windows and placards in the garden. Nothing, not a sausage. You also tend to see other parties out leafleting or canvassing. We swap leaflets, even with the BNP – I want to know what they are saying. Again nothing, diddly squat. And I have not had any hand delivered leaflets through my letterbox – just the postal ones.

Richard Lawson reports of LibDem campaigners taking their rosettes off before they went into a pub for a drink. Well at least they were wearing rosettes, unlike the Labour lot in South Ilford if indeed it was not just a mock up photoshoot.

One blog, can’t remember which one, reported a poll of 15% of people who would not normally vote in the Euro elections but were intending to do so this time. The inference here is that those votes will go to the minor parties or the Independents. Added to that the general public anger over the expenses thing which could see traditional supporters of the 3 main parties either not voting at all or voting for one of the minor parties – things are starting to look interesting. And, there are reports that traffic on the minor party websites is booming.

There may well be some gasps before the weekend is out. Whichever way it goes, these are not normal times.

You know what they say about the lull before the storm.

Romford Roadster

2009-06-02T20:09:00.003+01:00

Well, having commented on the plight of Labour and Liberal Democrats, who is next? Ah! those chaps who complain about Johnny foreigner coming over here and not respecting our rules and way of life – like driving whilst under the influence of alcohol or without insurance.

Oh! The lead candidate for the BNP in the London Euro elections was arrested last Thursday for precisely those reasons. Whatever next?

Dear Sarah

2009-06-02T17:58:00.003+01:00

Thank for your email, received today at 16:28, in response to my email sent to you over two months ago. I very much appreciate your stance on Canada’s seals and not being a cynic will not mention that it is now 2 days to go before you submit yourself for re-election to the European Parliament.

However, I have to point out that my whiz bang chart producing software [courtesy of Mingdacious Graphics] says that there is no chance of the Liberal Democrats winning here, so I will vote for someone else. Possibly the one London MEP who I didn’t include in that email list because I already knew her position on the subject.

Weggis

Archive Footage?

2009-06-02T17:00:00.002+01:00

A little while back Jim at the daily maybe pondered where are all the Labour Activists?

Well, they appear to have showed up in Ilford South. Maybe?

Take a look at those photos. They were certainly there, wherever there is, for the photoshoot, whenever that was. But there is no evidence to suggest that they actually knocked on any doors. Where are the smiling and supportive residents? Maybe they deliberately chose Saturday afternoon when everyone was busy watching the Blues win the cup final.

Look closer. How would a passer by know that they were Labour Party activists? Not a red rosette in sight, just a glimmer of one being carefully hidden by Elaine Norman behind a bunch of papers.

Note too, that the MP Mike Gapes has what looks like a remembrance day poppy on his left lapel in the group photo, [safety in numbers] but this has mysteriously disappeared when he is on his own pacing it out to an urgent meeting elsewhere perhaps?

Some corroborating evidence from independent observers would be welcome.

Handle With Care

2009-05-26T23:03:00.007+01:00

Traveling Wilburys - Handle With Care
Uploaded by manon42 - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Spring

2009-05-26T22:31:00.006+01:00

The Green Shoots of Recovery

Dear Mr Thomas

2009-05-16T19:22:00.000+01:00

I do not wear sandles, cute or otherwise.

[video removed]

This post was originally published on 15th April 2009. It contained a video of Mark Thomas, comedian [sic!], endorsing the Green Party. I have removed it because Mr Thomas is a self-seeking publicist, a tosser and an embarrassment. His brand of fringe theatre is not welcome by me. If the Green Party is to establish itself as a mainstream party it has to disassociate itself from crass and offensive publicity stunts like this.

So, Mr Thomas, I suggest you piss off back to where you came from and leave politics to the grown-ups.

The Witchling...

2009-05-12T22:14:00.003+01:00

...by her Mother.

Think Again

2009-05-11T19:26:00.002+01:00

You will note, towards the end that Caroline Lucas is sitting in seat 668. Which means there is only one person between her and the The Beast.

Don’t

2009-05-11T17:06:00.003+01:00

Michaela Tabb has been around for a while. She is one the top Snooker referees. And a couple of weeks ago she became the first woman to referee a World Championship Final.

Now I have to admit that she is far better looking than some of the previous comb-overs, but why is it that whenever a woman makes it in a “man’s world” the lad’s magazines want to get her kit off?

Don’t do it Luv! Leave it to the Essex Girls.

Hate, Not Hope

2009-04-26T21:35:00.003+01:00

Weggis is annoyed. In fact he is exceedingly grumpy today. It seems that Weggis is not a "decent person". At least according to these people. You see, "decent people do not share platforms or debate with fascists, racists and nazis, whether at universities, during elections or elsewhere."

They are referring to the BNP, but who decides whether the BNP are "fascists, racists and nazis". It seems I am obliged to take their word for it and I am not allowed to engage with them and make up my own mind.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

This bit is even more annoying: "perhaps most shockingly, the Green candidate who has been active in local anti-racist politics took the view that he could win any debate against Evans, which is not the point." Well, excuse me but that is the whole fokking point. It’s not about convincing your opponent, it’s about convincing the audience – the electorate.

That’s what you do if you want to get elected.

What really gets my goat is that these are generally the same people who postulate that criminals are human beings and advocate rehabilitation rather than punishment. Who shy away from discipline in schools and wonder why we have feral children? Criminals and feral children they say are a product of their environment. We should condemn the behaviour but not the person.

Well, the last time I looked the BNP were made up of flesh and blood human beings just like you and me. They are people and just like you and me they are a product of their environment. These are the people who condemn others who refer to criminals and feral children as "Scum". But it’s OK when they call the BNP "Scum".

The way to deal with the BNP is to address the problems they feed of. Problems mostly caused by the party who refused to engage in the Hustings and the likes of those who supported them in that decision.

It is the problems, and not the BNP they should be attacking and their shyness is a product of their own failings.

I’m afraid I do not see any "Hope" here. All I see is Hate. Hate for the BNP.

When you fight someone, you take on that person's qualities. You become that person. You become your enemy. And your enemy wins because now there's another one of him in the world.

Every Party has One

2009-04-22T14:49:00.002+01:00

The Guardian has got hold of a leaked Political Party Training Manual, which advises it’s members not to set up party blogs in the run-up to this year's European elections because "they can't write proper English" and "get carried away with conspiracy theories".

It also describes its own members as "oddballs", "Walter Mitty characters", "compulsive liars" and "born troublemakers".

Interestingly it also says that “independent sites exposing the wrongdoings and failings of the old parties and making subtly favourable references, will be much more attractive and convincing to the wider public than sites which are clearly ours”. Really?

Now, I expect you are wondering which Political Party it is. Well, it’s the one that has had their training manual leaked to the press.

The Bad, the Good and the Pretty

2009-04-17T22:13:00.002+01:00

I am not what you might call a Politically Correct person. I refuse to divert from words like Chairman and Spokesman and I get annoyed when an actress is referred to as an actor. Strange though how words like "menstruation" don’t get the same treatment. I also have a huge hang up about positive discrimination and particularly women only lists.

The point is that where it is needed, it doesn’t work – just look at the mediocrity in the Labour Party. A Party born out of cloth cap, male dominated Trade Unionism just does not attract sufficient numbers of women of merit. And that is precisely why they need women only lists. Come to think of it they don’t seem to attract many men of merit either, but that’s another post.

The real question we should be asking is what is it about an organisation that attracts [or repels] quality women. Whilst the Green Party seeks what it calls "Gender Balance" it would seem to me quite rare that the rules have to be implemented, but I stand to be corrected on that.

It is not the rules of the Green Party that have resulted in women being elected to office. They have done it on merit and they have done it because the Green Party is women friendly, even me. Caroline Lucas, Jean Lambert, Jenny Jones, Sue Luxton, Ute Michel and Katie Dawson are just a few. [I am now going to get it in the neck from someone I’ve missed]. And I haven’t forgotten those in the background in support roles like Natalie Bennett and the Tracy double barrel lady.

So, having covered the bad and the good we now come to the pretty. You might be forgiven for thinking that the ascendancy of women in the Green Party is because us blokes aren’t up to the job but that’s not true. There are some pretty [good] blokes about too. There’s Darren Johnson, Philip Booth, Adrian Ramsey, Peter Cranie. [I am now going to get it in the neck from someone I’ve missed].

The point here is that while I notice things like legs, cleavage and shoes I also notice substance, and I’m sure that goes for the girls too, at least those mentioned.

The Limits of Thought

2009-04-13T21:51:00.000+01:00

This post is for Rupert Read who promised us the occasional philosophical reflection on his blog.

I like questions too.

Science tells us that the absolute minimum temperature is −459.67° Fahrenheit. This is a theoretical figure assumed to be when atomic motion stops. We measure temperature by atomic motion, that is the agitative state of atomic matter – atoms, molecules etc. So when it stops we can’t measure it any more.

However, there appears to be no theoretical maximum temperature that I am aware of. But consider this. The laws of physics as we currently understand them tell us that there is a maximum speed – the speed of light, 186,000 miles per second. So, if the agitative state of atomic matter reaches the speed of light it can go no further, so there must be a maximum theoretical temperature.

The limitation here, of course is the way we measure it.

Now consider Relativity theory. Nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. But is that also a limitation based on the way we measure and experience it?

Let’s have a thought experiment. Let’s suppose that it is possible to travel faster than the speed of light and that a spaceship is travelling towards us at say twice speed of light. What would we see? The light emitted from the spaceship would be lagging it so it would arrive before we saw it. And what would we see while it is on its way here? We wouldn’t be able to see it or anything behind it. Would it therefore look like a Black Hole?

And how many Black Holes are out there?

The Price of Progress

2009-04-13T21:33:00.002+01:00

It has just taken my computer 37 seconds to open a new word file to write this post. It may not sound like a lot but it is a long time, try it. When I first ventured into the realms of the interwebby I got my self Norton Security, a sort of PC condom to protect myself from all those nasty viruses. It does a weekly system scan. Back in them days it took 10 minutes and there was a slight slowing down of the system. Nowadays it takes 70 minutes and makes the PC almost unusable. And it's not like my hard drive is crammed full. I'm very choosy about what programmes I load onto it and I keep all my personal stuff on a spare.

Except of course on those Monday evenings when there is football on. On those Mondays I turn the fokker off and watch the football.

Moral: Innovation works for a while but when it gets too successful it chokes.

Happy Easter

2009-04-09T14:54:00.002+01:00

Seven Muslim Children

2009-03-17T21:41:00.005Z

Letter published in the Irish times.

Madam, – I’m going to write a short play, and the title will be "Seven Muslim Children". It’s going to be a "10-minute history of Islam" and will consist of a series of short dialogues in which Muslim parents, teachers and clerics teach their children to hate. They teach them to hate the West, to hate Jews, to hate globalisation, to hate democracy, to hate everything except Islam. No entrance fee will be charged, but viewers should make a donation to a charity for children orphaned by 9/11.
I wonder if the Abbey would be interested in staging it. – Yours, etc,
JONATHAN BAUM,
Blackrock,
Co Dublin.

The ~~British Government~~ BBC declines to broadcast Seven Jewish Children

Like I, and you, can't view the evidence and make up our own bleedin' mind.

The NuLab Generation

2009-03-12T20:36:00.002Z

Mondays child has no grit,

Tuesdays child is full of shit,

Wednesdays child is in the trough,

Thursdays child is full of froth,

Fridays child is fiddling expenses,

Saturdays child has lost their senses,

And the child that is born on the Sabbath day

will spin and bluster for their pay.

Check out Wikipedia to find their birthday and then plug it in here to find out what day it was. Hours of happy fun!

A Cunning Plan

2009-03-11T17:29:00.001Z

Has anyone else spotted the real reason for the Government’s announcement yesterday on a Six Month Teacher Training Programme?

Here’s the BBC:

People could qualify as a teacher in England in six months rather than the usual year, under new government plans.
Schools Minister Jim Knight announced proposals aimed at tempting more outstanding people to teach.
Two hundred people seen as future head teachers will also be able to move into school leadership within four years via an accelerated headship programme.

Two Hundred eh? Outstanding People eh?

That’s around about the number of Labour MPs who are going to lose their seats next year, have no experience in the real world, and would otherwise be on Job Seekers Allowance.

This is a Labour MP Lifeboat scheme, nothing more, nothing less.

Just imagine, a whole generation of children taught by failed politicians.

If

2009-03-05T21:11:00.003Z

Click on the graphic to see it move.

House of Many Rooms

2009-03-01T19:03:00.004Z

This room is far too Blue, said Wilson.

This room is far too Red, said Wilson.

No, you can’t come in here said the rather snooty occupants of the Yellow room.

Ah, said Wilson, this Green room seems quite comfortable – for now!

Introducing Wilson Chowdhry, the Chadwell Green.
Solar Business

Dear BBC

2009-02-24T15:37:00.001Z

I wish to complain about the unsuitable footage being transmitted on your channels which is causing my entire family, and especially my grand daughter, to have nightmares.

I refer of course to your coverage of our government’s feeble and incompetent handling of our economy and thus their complete inability to take effective remedial action in the face of their own self-created disaster. Interspersed with footage of scary dribbling bogeypersons like Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling and Harriet Harperson it is enough to send us to bed trembling with the thought that our wallets and purses will be raided during the night and will be empty in the morning. My grand daughter [3] is especially concerned that she will grow up and have to work 25 hours a day down pit to pay off the debts these imbeciles have racked up on our behalf.

Most of your channels are now banned in our household and we only watch CBeeBies and Cerrie Burnell. I seek a pro-rata reduction in my licence fee.

Yours etc