However, as soon as you start dating someone, you do face the gift giving dilemma.

• Do you get them a gift?
• How much do you spend?
• What if they don’t give you a gift back?
• Will they feel pressured?

It’s enough to make your head hurt.

So much depends on several factors, too many variables for me to cover in one blog article. However, here are some things to ask yourself and some rules of thumb you can use to help ensure you don’t become a Grinch.

Questions:

1. How long have you been dating?
2. Have you discussed Holiday plans?
3. Have you discussed gift ideas?
4. Has the other person been avoiding any holiday talk?
5. Do they celebrate the same holidays that you do?

Ask your self these questions and seriously think about your answers. The longer you have been dating, the more significant (at least in meaning, not in dollars) the gift should be. If you have plans to actually spend Christmas Eve, or Christmas Together, a gift would be appropriate. If you have actually talked about what you want as gifts, you are giving the all clear for some shopping.

However, if he’s been avoiding holiday talk like the plague, and getting very non-committal about holiday plans, signs are good that he’s just not ready to take the relationship to the wrapping paper level. For the guys you’ve just started dating, or are dating on a very casual level (but not just booty calls), there are a few things to take into consideration.

Rules of Thumb:

1. Don’t go overboard. I once spent days tracking down a signed copy of a boyfriends favorite book by his favorite author. It was a bit overwhelming for him, even though we had been dating at that point for several months. There is often a feeling that gifts need to be equal, and setting the bar to high can either scare the guy off or make him feel inadequate in the package department.
2. Do put thought into the gift. Unless you know it’s what he really wants, a gift card is just a little impersonal for someone you are interested in. If you get him something that reflects and interests, you will show that you have really paid attention to things he’s said.
3. Don’t go for “couples” gifts. It’s probably way too soon to get the matching t-shirts with your photos on it. Any gift that screams “I’m already planning our wedding” is going to make the other person uncomfortable.
4. Do get something fun. A practical gift in my house is referred to as an “Aunt Edna” gift, because she always gave something practical, useful and BORING. You are not at the point where socks and underwear are a good gift. Unless the relationship is an exclusive, sexual relationship, even sexy underwear is a big no-no.
5. Don’t give to get something back. If you are going to give a gift, give it for the sheer joy that the act of giving brings. Go into it fully prepared that you might not get a present at all, or that it might not equal what you have done. Have no expectations, and then if you do get something back, it will be wonderful, and you won’t face disappointment.

As we are inundated with commercialized gift giving, it’s hard not to set up expectations of the “perfect” holiday. However, mentally check yourself, and just enjoy spending time with someone you like, and who likes you back.

Does this mean he's interested in you and wants a relationship?

Women need to understand the clear answer to this is NO.

All it means is that he has has been somewhat patient and finds you attractive enough to have sex with you. Which isn't saying much, since my male friends all admit men are "dogs."

Men are very good at knowing how to seduce you, since they've been observing you carefully and thinking about how to do so since they first met you. If they're over 21 they've most likely had plenty of practice and have shared and learned new techniques with their buddies.

The Double Standard Exists

It's not fair, but the double standard still exists.

Sex is a sport to most men on the dating scene, and you're the end goal. Men separate "sport sex" and "intimate sex" in their minds, and once you've entered the "sports" category it's pretty much impossible to change it.

If you let it happen (sorry, ladies, but it's all up to you) you can expect to never hear from him again, or maybe get a few booty calls before he moves on. This is one reason why we see so many Google searches on "why didn't he call back."

Once you get it firmly in your mind that this is the way it really works, and you're looking for a long term relationship with a man, ask yourself this: why would you let it happen?

Why let yourself be used for someone else's gratification when you know they'll soon move on to the next available female body? Why take a chance on the emotional pain you'll experience, and the possible after affects (aka STDs)?

Decide On What You Want

Do you want to continue on with a series of casual encounters - or do you want a real relationship with a man who is interested in you as a person and not as just another female goal?

A man who wants a true relationship with you will not push for sex. He doesn't want to ruin a good thing, and as a result self-gratification is not uppermost in his mind.

He must already be out of the "sex for the conquering hero" phase and into a time in his life where he wants an intimate relationship. This is not an age-related stage - it's a state of mind. If he's not at that point you're not going to change him, no matter how wonderful you are and how well the two of you hit it off.

How to Tell a Man Wants a Relationship

Pay attention to how he acts, not so much what he says. The saying "Actions speak louder than words" is absolutely true.

1. He calls you regularly and when he says he will
2. He treats you with respect and acts like he thinks you're special
3. He doesn't push you for sex, in fact he holds back

Give yourself time to get to know him. If one of you decides you're not right for each other, you'll be disappointed, but you will have saved yourself from that gut-wrenching misery and regret that the end of a sexual relationship brings.

If the relationship works out, when you do become intimate, it will be making love, not "having sex," and it will enrich your relationship, not be the entire focus of it.

This is the last in our series featuring "10 Mistakes Women Make With Men." Mandi and I hope you've enjoyed it and have gained from reading it.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help

This is the biggest mistake of all.

This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.

I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.

Hey, I've been there myself.

Let me tell you a little about me.

Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.

It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.

Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.

I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.

I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction.

Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.

It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.

I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling… the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says "he's not ready."

You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.

FREE Email Newsletter…

But the really great news is… after several years, helping woman after woman, I now publish a free email newsletter that teaches any woman how to DRAMATICALLY increase her success with men and dating.

I'd like to invite you to sign up.

It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share you're email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself with no hassles. (And no, I'll never pull any of those tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk mail when you try to remove yourself.)

Of course, it even get's better than that…

In addition to my free email newsletter, I also have an amazing downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES.

It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming your fears, meeting men, great ideas around first dates, cheat-proofing your relationships, and how to take things to a closer emotional and physical level smoothly and easily.

To sign up for my free newsletter AND download your copy of this online eBook, just go here:

Free Dating Advice Newsletter And Download eBook

Oh, I Almost Forgot…

In this day and age of  "instant gratification," I realize this might just sound like another late-night infomercial promising to make you wealthy and retired by next week.

Well, that's not the case.

I've spent a lot of time, effort, and energy studying, observing and understanding this area of life.

I wanted to design and create a book that ANY woman could easily understand.

Something you could start using IMMEDIATELY to meet, attract, date, and get close with a great guy.

I want to help you create an amazing relationship with the right man… without having to deal with all the wrong men, be manipulated or experience the pain and loss I've helped other women avoid.

I now believe that ANY woman can be more successful with men and dating, and I get emails every day with success stories from women. They've taken what they've learned and found great guys and are growing meaningful relationships.

I know, I know… a book that can teach a regular girl how to be more successful in the dating world?

No way.

Well believe me, this will DRAMATICALLY increase your success, comfort and happiness when it comes to men, dating and relationships… I absolutely guarantee it 100%.

If you'd like to take your success with men and dating to the next level, and find how to create the foundation for the relationship that you've always wanted, then go here:

MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation

A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman…

And I don't mean just sex.

I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.

And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help!

If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up… and LOSE EVERYTHING.

MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince” Him To Like You Or Love You

What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like… but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious?

Right! They try to "convince" the man to feel differently.

Well, I have news for you…

YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!

Never, ever, ever.

You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning."

Think about it.

If a man doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being "reasonable" with him?

But we all do it.

Men are the worst at this by the way.

They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts.

Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man.

She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him.

When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.

Bad idea. Another one that will never work.

Expecting a Relationship To Make You Happy

A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.

And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens.

But those are the exceptions, not the rule.

Nothing says "Run!" to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.

And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.

Think, "controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!"

So let me be clear…

I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever.

But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her.

It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either…

If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless.

This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.

So what can you do as a woman?

You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more "natural" way, where he'll be motivated to care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own.

This is the only way it really works for people - male or female.

Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation.

But you have to know how to create this situation with a man… and it rarely happens by accident.