Why do men always feel the need to control every situation in the

relationship?… Is that a healthy relationship?

Abusive relationship… Rach

Now to make things clear off the bat, I believe any abusive relationship can’t be a healthy one. Of course, unless you’re practising some type of sedistic or masachistic moves in the bedroom for kicks then it’s all cool and the gang if you’re both into that kinda stuff, but if he’s taking it to the next level and being abusive just to get his anger out then there’s a problem in the relationship. You ask why men always feel the need to control every situation in a relationship, but I have to correct you. It’s why ‘certain’ men feel the need to control every situation in a relationship, because the fact is there are many men that not only don’t want to control things in the relationship but find it too damn tiresome to do that. I personally know that I’m the mellowest guy when it comes to relationships. When I conduct business I want to know every single detail of every single transaction, but when it comes to getting into a relationship, I see it as something that I feel the need to get into in order to unwind and enjoy my time with the woman. If I can’t let her act on her own and express her own feelings and thoughts and actions in the relationship then there’s no point in that relationship.

So the Question Still Remains: Why Do Some Men Feel the Need to Control?

Men that have that urge to control every detail in the relationship have certain insecurities in themselves or trust issues with their woman. This sometimes can be solved by talking to your man about those issues. I would definitely have to say that it’s unhealthy to have a man that will constantly question you in everything you do or everywhere you go. I know some women like the jealous type, but it may sometimes get out of control and it may turn into the abusive relationship you made note of.

He Reacts to Your Acts

His will to control things may be the cause of your actions. If the woman gives the man reason to distrust her and act over-protective of her or control every detail in the relationship, then it may be time to reassess your own self. Try to understand what sort of things you say or do make him tick or want to start controlling certain aspects of what you do. Your actions may cause those abusive reactions in him. This definitely is not always the cause, but it is something worth assessing when in a relationship with a person you deeply care about. If, however, you notice he is constantly trying to take control and doesn’t allow you the freedom you believe you require then it may be a good idea to discuss those feelings with him.

I personally don’t believe that unless my beloved other cheats on me that I need to resort to violence. I even try to test her at times to see if she bites the bait just to see if she is trusthworty. Nevertheless, try to understand why he feels the need to control every situation in the relationship and attempt to fix the problem from its core. Sometimes, however, I’m sorry to say, it really depends on the characterstic of that person and how he was brought up. So I hope that helps and thanks for submitting the question, Rach.

Not too long ago I wrote a motivational post for Darren Rowse at Problogger.net and thought it would be a good idea to follow it up on my own blog. Recently I’ve been feeling somewhat down about a lot of things. Everything I’ve been doing that I hoped would make me a lot of money hasn’t been paying off as well as I’ve hoped. As mentioned in the guest post I wrote, I became a real estate agent, finishing up university for my political science degree, working on a variety of internet ventures, but nothing has seemed to bring in solid cash that I hoped would be enough to fully live on my own by now. Sure, I’m hoping university will pay off eventually, but right now it’s a detriment to my finances more than anything. My real estate career had to have been put on halt due to my foreign exchange trip I’m planning for next year to Amsterdam, so there hasn’t been any profit from that yet. And blogging and my other internet business ventures haven’t been in circulation long enough to reach the success I desire. But what now? What do I do when I feel like everything is a big waste of my time?

Stay Strong

It’s easy to say to myself that I should stay strong, but it’s another thing to wake up in the morning and jump to my feet wanting to start where I left off last night, knowing that I’m working for a salary that may or may not come sometime in the future. So does that mean I should go for a 9-5 job? Been there, done that, and there’s no future in that for me. Don’t get me wrong, if and when I really need those few extra bucks to survive I’ll be the first one in the office or behind the counter, and the last one out. But that lifestyle isn’t for everyone, and if you’re like me who has big plans but little finances to show for it, it may be time to push it to the limit.

Don’t Waste a Second

When you’re working for yourself, there’s no time restraint on how much you can accomplish in a 24 hour period. So don’t start making up excuses for yourself that you can’t accomplish this until you get back to the office the next day. You set the schedule for yourself, so instead of slacking off, get down and dirty and finish things ahead of schedule. Every second, minute, or hour you waste, you’ve become that second, minute, or hour further from hitting it big.

There’ll be Time to Party once we’re Rich

It’s Canada Day today, my internet is down, and my friends are calling me out to get trashed with them. So what? Get what you need accomplished first, without any excuses, then go out and enjoy your life. You never see older people who have money saying, “Oh I wished I partied more when I was a kid and worked less to achieve this empire I’ve built around me.” Instead you constantly hear adults in financial troubles complaining and saying things like, “I wish I went out less when I was a kid and got something accomplished so I could be enjoying life now.” If you’re not born or married into money then there’re two options: work hard when you still can and make something of yourself, or be a worry-free partier who’ll have nothing to show for yourself once the party years are well behind you.

It’s still important to keep a balance so you don’t tire yourself out, but make sure that the balance sways a little bit more to building a better future than that of your competitors. I hope this was a good follow up post to Perseverance Will Save Your Blog that you may access by clicking here. Feel free to add any comments below.

I was recently watching a TedTalk on Youtube about success being a continuous journey instead of a single path from the bottom to the top. I agreed with this completely and loved the entire speech Richard gave. However, I wanted to add something to it, which I found to be important and helpful for people on their journey of success. What I wanted to talk about it being grounded. Now what exactly does being grounded mean? Well, many people have their own definition of the term, but in my opinion I see it as “Being in the now with a clear focus on what you want and with an idea of how to go upon accomplishing it.” Many people talk about ‘being in the now’ and that living in the present is how we should all live. Leaving the past in the past and forgeting about the future and simply living in the moment. Honestly, it sounded pretty easy to me and so I tried it. The worst thing in the world happened. I began analyzing every moment I was living. This made me totally opposite of what I wanted. Instead of being grounded, I became an over-analytical philosopher you may say. I would try to enjoy the moment but while enjoying it I would begin to assess what’s so enjoyable about it and would try to capture the moment, which turned out to be impossible because time obviously can’t be frozen. So I don’t advice analyzing the moment and trying to understand why and how living in the now is achieved. Just the opposite, you must completely absolve the very notion of the direct present and instead focus your attention on the near future.

Plan Your Day

What will I do today? How will I do it? When will it be started and when wil it be done? You ask yourself those questions and you begin your day doing those very things you set out to accomplish that morning. I usually ask myself those questions while I’m in the shower in the morning. For some reason I can think most clearly in the shower. So first thing first, make sure to plan what you will be doing that day. Try not to think of weeks ahead, but concentrated only on the tasks you need to do that day, otherwise it may get frantic and you’ll end up thinking more about what you have to do rather than doing it. This brings me to my next point.

Don’t Over-Think/Over-Analyze/Over-Indulge in Thought

Try to keep your mind as empty as possible, focused mainly on what you set out to accomplish that morning. Go ahead with your day doing those tasks one by one. This way you don’t get exhausted or anxious. This way you keep yourself in check, knowing what you have completed and what you still need to complete. Make sure to constantly be in action, because when you’re doing the task, you’re focused on doing it rather than thinking about doing it. Your mind is analyzing the process rather than over-analyzing the procedures.

Take a Physical Break

I noticed that when I take a break, I end up taking not only a physical break but a mental break as well and this is when my mind starts wandering off and it becomes really hard to get back on track and continue with my scheduled tasks for the day. You can say I easily get carried away with stuff that are more fun than what I should be accomplishing that day and that’s when I end up wasting the entire day. So that’s why I mention here that I suggest just a physical break and not a mental one. Keep thinking about what you need to do and how you’re going to do it and make sure not to get carried away when something more interesting comes along.

These steps keep me grounded and allow me to accomplish my daily tasks, constantly bringing me closer to my final dream which may be years away.