passive-aggressive (and just plain aggressive) notes

you’re not wrong, walter

kerry — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 13:27:18 +0000

writes justin in iowa: “this was written by a coworker of mine last winter, and covers three sides of the tissue box. the tissues are long gone, but the box was apparently worth saving, and remains on the desk five months later.”

the full text: I had a cold/cough & I decided to buy some Puffs kleenex w/ lotion. Believe it or not, they’re not cheap so I’m not sharing. But hey, they still have some at the store so you could always go buy your own you know. Seriously, only because these are a little costly I’m not sharing, otherwise, you’d be all good. But again, they’re not CHEAP! How would you feel if I used up all of your “whatever”? B/c my last box… OMG! got used up so fast & it wasn’t even by me! I was so hot about it, and I know you can afford it b/c I can. I know you’re not broke b/c you work the same place I do, am I right or am I right?

related: suck on this

facebook wedding drama

kerry — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 23:18:15 +0000

as always, facebook users are keepin’ it classy.

related: tant pis, mon amie

your a geneous

kerry — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 14:45:56 +0000

writes amy in canada: “part of my job (as a civilian employed by the canadian armed forces) is to install or repair network services out to remote areas of our training area. here are a few of the notes i saw while puttering around with my cabling and switches.”

happy (very) belated canada day!

recession incentive plan

kerry — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 12:49:02 +0000

writes katrina in illinois: “i work in furniture, and due to the economy/the real estate crash, the company has been struggling and a lot of employees have been making a lot less money. this little morale booster was found on the break room bulletin board — right beside the letter notifying us that the company was no longer matching 401(k) contributions.”

related: “that’s what she said”

dear grandma: thanks, i guess.

kerry — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 12:00:46 +0000

writes our anonymous submitter: “this was sent to my 6-year-old step daughter by her grandma. the birthday present in question was a pack of writing paper and $5 american. we live in canada.”

(the “did you get…” pretense combined with the oh-so-subtle post script is so classic “passive-aggressive grandma” that i cannot even handle it. bonus points for the repurposed note paper!)

meanwhile, toni spotted this grandma’s thank you note on a closed booth at a flea market in lakewood, ohio.

related: but…but…i didn’t forget!

know sweat

kerry — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 12:30:38 +0000

writes jaime in austin: “my husband and i lift weights at gold’s gym and we love it (no, really!) — except for their new signage reminding people to mop up their sweat.”

meanwhile, next door…

(well, sort of.) kathryn spotted this similarly understated/backhanded message in a chichi orlando, florida boutique.

related: like a rotten sponge

the parable of the lost keys

kerry — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 13:00:12 +0000

sydney spotted this bizarrely self-satisfied bit of scripture in a friend’s downtown berkeley apartment building.

says sydney: “i personally think the bible verse adds a nice touch of guilt, but it’s the emoticon smileys that really put the whole thing over the top for me.”

(also…what exactly has the note-writer been doing while holding those keys ransom for the past month? formatting footnotes?)

are you proud to be an american?

kerry — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 19:44:23 +0000

our anonymous submitter lives in a university flat in the u.k. with four other guys. “three of us (myself, an american, and a brit) always take out the garbage and recycling when it’s our turn, but the two other international students seem to think it’s somehow beneath them. there must have been some unpleasantness while i was away for easter break, because i came home to find this note stuck to the kitchen door, courtesy of my american flatmate.”

adds our submitter: “i particularly like his choice of symbols to emphasize america as a ruling power: the stars and stripes, a cheeseburger, and superman.” (and then, of course, there’s the note’s tone — remarkably in line with american foreign policy!)

happy 4th of july, everyone!

yours truly? yours goddamn truly?

kerry — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 03:59:47 +0000

writes our anonymous submitter: “i work in a flower shop, and this guy came in today to have us deliver flowers to his girlfriend. after he wrote the card, he asked us to check to make sure the spelling of ‘anniversary’ was right…even though it was right there on the card!”

now, as for the message…”but it’s a joke!” you say? well, to quote scott wetzler, a clinical psychologist and author of living with the passive-aggressive man: “a joke can be the most skillful passive-aggressive act there is.”

related: really though — carnations?

i, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

kerry — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:21:07 +0000

this martyr alert spotted by randy on the breakroom fridge of his office in chico, california…

related: hostile takeover

repestect yourself

kerry — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 03:06:11 +0000

presenting the winner of the creative spelling (and spacing) of the year award, spotted by rob in the recently-painted elevator of his brooklyn apartment building.

it has a lovely lyric quality to it, no?

related: your are welcome to our home

one can only hope you won’t be giving the wedding toast

kerry — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 01:11:25 +0000

at a recent wedding that allison in raleigh, n.c. attended, the bride asked that, instead of signing a guestbook, wedding guests write their wishes for the couple on fabric squares that would later be made into a memory quilt. when allison saw this one sitting on top, she couldn’t resist snapping a photo.

related: taboo: the game of unsolicited douchebaggery

and those cheetos were my baby’s yellow dye #6

kerry — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:38:21 +0000

this (long-overdue) all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (how this one got buried in my inbox for so long, i have no idea.)

it comes to us courtesy of jennifer in chapel hill, n.c., who notes: “in this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate hq — including the president, vice presidents, directors, legal counsel, etc., who don’t typically utilize the refrigerator in the staff break room.”

extra credit: stfu, parents

make an effing wish

kerry — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 18:26:54 +0000

rachel spotted this on a frat house fridge in champaign, illinois, adding: “said fridge was indeed revolting.”

meanwhile, helen swiped this from an equally revolting frat house in vancouver. adds helen: “the reason why it is so ripped up is because a frat boy saw me steal the note and we fought for it for a while.”

related: how hazing rituals are born