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An Open Letter to the Dude who was Fingering his Girlfriend on the MRT

Ade — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 05:39:30 +0000

Dear dude who was fingering his girlfriend on the MRT,

First off, I applaud you. It takes much effort to doodle the noodle in public. Really. I mean, with all the people around seeing you excavate the Tunnel of Love, it takes guts. You’ve got balls of steel to solder on while people turn away in disgust.

You see, I was beside you today while waiting for the train. You, me, your girlfriend, and a huge crowd. I kinda knew you were double-clicking her mouse because she was squirming all over the damn place. Hiding her crotch with her big-ass bag was a nice touch, though. It really made the scene more obvious, but still, nice touch.

No, I wasn’t talking about your touch. Ass.

So finally, the train entered the station (hyuk, hyuk, I made a funneh) and I tried to get away as far from you two as possible. Goddammit, why the hell did you two decide to get a seat in front of me where I can see you two flip the light switch repeatedly? And OF COURSE you had to stop digging in so you two can put on shades. Yeah, like that’ll hide your identity. Very subtle, really.(...)
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The Russian War on Emo

Ade — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 05:04:08 +0000

MOSCOW – Apparently, them Russians have had enough of their kids dressing weirdly. Fed up with their children’s black-dressing and bad hair ways, the Russian government is passing a law that will effectively ban emo hairstyles and emo dress styles in schools and government buildings.

A behind-the-scenes look at the legislative process.

The laws are being crafted to curb dangerous self-destructive activities associated with emo.

The Guardian describes emos as “12-16 year-olds with black and pink clothing, studded belts, painted fingernails, ear and eyebrow piercings, and black hair with fringes that ‘cover half the face’. Emo culture’s ‘negative ideology’ may encourage depression, social withdrawal and even suicide, the bill alleges – with young girls being particularly vulnerable.”(...)
Read the rest of The Russian War on Emo (328 words)

Los Paranoias [or how A/H1N1 is driving us crazy]

Ade — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 09:30:04 +0000

That swine flu thing has finally reached our shores, and the number of infected people are escalating. So, what’s most logical thing to do? Panic. Yes, that’s what we’re doing now.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not downplaying the effects of swine flu. It’s dangerous and all, but seeing people around me panic is just not doing anyone good. Because I tend to freak out too; and whenever I freak out I curl into a fetal position and suck my thumb. Want to know how jumpy people are? Everytime somebody coughs in the elevator, I could literally see everyone’s head turning towards the poor guy, with MURDER written on their faces. I’m pretty sure if somebody initiated a punch, everyone would be involved within five seconds. The poor sap won’t reach the ground floor alive.

There’s a palpable tension in the air that was never there before. Everyone’s so uneasy, similar to the feeling of watching another Hayden Kho sex scandal video, but instead of Katrina Halili, he’s boning Dionisia Pacquiao this time.(...)
Read the rest of Los Paranoias [or how A/H1N1 is driving us crazy] (272 words)

It seemed like a really good idea at the time: the Vibra-Finger Gum Massager

Ade — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 10:59:09 +0000

(...)
Read the rest of It seemed like a really good idea at the time: the Vibra-Finger Gum Massager (174 words)

100 Songs. For Great Victory.

Ade — Thu, 28 May 2009 05:12:21 +0000

So Baddie wrote this pretty awesome blog entry about a hundred songs to save your life. Also, The Jew tagged me.

Now these are the songs I want to raise my future children (henceforth known as Genetic Experiments numbers 1-16) with. Now, people, don’t you judge me if you find something you don’t like in this list, lest I’ll dig up that Ricky Martin album you’ve hidden somewhere.

(...)
Read the rest of 100 Songs. For Great Victory. (516 words)

My Songwriting Skills Need Work

Ade — Mon, 25 May 2009 08:26:46 +0000

Every weekend, my bandmates and I meet up in one of those coffee shops scattered in the metro. Aside from playing Gino Padilla’s “Closer You And I” ad nauseam, we also try to write songs.

My bandmates, in my opinion, are badass songwriters. They can take one mundane situation like “I was about to cross the road when this jeepney stops in front of me and wouldn’t let me pass; the driver parked there for a good two minutes, blocking my way, until he realized that I wasn’t going to ride his stupid jeepney” into a pretty tight song:

(Don’t mind the stupid-looking bassist, k?)(...)
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AdeFAIL: Watching Star Trek

Ade — Tue, 19 May 2009 03:28:03 +0000

This entry is part 3 of 3 in the series AdeFAIL

So after a week of (unsuccessfully) avoiding spoilers, I finally decided to finally go and watch the latest Star Trek movie. So the girlfriend was unavailable and I had nobody else to watch it with, which is why I went to the cinema alone. I tell you, it can get pretty awkward. I went, all alone, to a movie which is notorious to have a massive fanbase composed of reputed virgins.

“Hi, I’m here to talk to you about my penis.”

Also, have I ever mentioned that crowds scare the shit out of me? Yeah, I hate it when crowds become all crowd-like and become composed of lots of people. I get uneasy and and shiver and cringe. Ok, not really, but I still hate crowds. So to prevent people from thinking that I’m some loser who goes off reading Star Trek wikis in between the Picard/Kirk erotic fanfic, I decided to act nonchalant.

In fact, if somebody was to talk to me about how awesome the film was, I was planning to answer “You mean this is a space adventure film? I thought it was going to be filled with weird human-alien tentacle sex! Just the way me and my… harem of hot girls like it!”(...)
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Caption Contest: The Star Trek-Star Wars… war.

Ade — Mon, 11 May 2009 03:38:00 +0000

So guys, this is one of those rare moments when I decide to spare you my unfunniness and I let you guys write my blog entry for me. So I’m going to post here a random picture which I have no idea what to do about, and I’ll let you guys make up captions for this.

Actually, I’m just suffering from a bad case of writer’s block, and I haven’t seen Star Trek yet, and I’m just as excited about it as that Klingon-speaking pimply-faced overweight virgin who lives down the street.

So here’s the pic:

Again, the winner will get a million points, Health +65, LVL +2,and Spock’s katra.

So, post your captions here and I’ll get back to you after I watch Star Trek, yo.

How to tell if your neighbors are zombies

Ade — Tue, 05 May 2009 08:12:38 +0000

This is a question nobody takes seriously: are your neighbors zombies? For all you know, you could be in the middle of a party, drinking your 7th beer while people are getting crazy on the karaoke, then you pass out. Five hours later, you wake up with your brains missing. Dang! One of your neighbors are zombies, and you don’t know who it is! See why you need to know who the humans and who the zombies are before it’s too late?

Check out these warning signs so you can differentiate between the living and the undead. The last thing we want is an unexpected brain salad. Your brains.

If your neighbors tend to walk around the neighborhood muttering “Brains” under their breath, they might be zombies.

You might think the thin guy next door is just taking his nightly leisure walk like he always does (midnight on the dot), but he’s just hunting for flesh to eat. Have you seen Mrs. Wilson’s dog after that one time thin guy took it on a midnight stroll? Thought so!(...)
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Notes on the Pacquiao – Hatton fight.

Ade — Sat, 02 May 2009 17:15:08 +0000

So, tomorrow would be the much-anticipated boxing event, the bout between Manny Pacquiao and Ricky Hatton. The fight is also named “The Battle of East and West,” and is therefore considered to have the worst name in the history of boxing, you know?

Also, they totally got the name of the fight wrong here.

I’m pretty sure the streets will again be practically abandoned and crime rates will fall to zero as people will crowd in front of their television sets and root for Pacquiao by screaming “SIGE MANNY SUNTUKIN MO PA! PAKSHET GALENG MO MANNY, PATAYIN MO NA PUTANG INA YAN SIGA SUNTOK PA TANGINANG YAN!” and after he wins, 90% of Filipinos would engage in some weird mass orgasm, run through the streets in ecstasy and celebrate the triumph and perseverance of the Filipino Spirit.(...)
Read the rest of Notes on the Pacquiao – Hatton fight. (108 words)