1. I remember hiding in the bathroom at my best friend’s house, age 7 or 8, because I had made her upset and knew her father would be mad at me.
2. I remember the first time we fogged up the car windows.
3. I remember bringing the fat girl to the frat party.

These weren’t necessarily the first images or moments that came to mind, but they were the first memories that were full-bodied enough, interesting enough, meaningful enough, for me to want to put into words.

Anyone want to share 3 of their memories? First sentences are good enough for me, but I think you might be pleasantly surprised if you take the time to write them out for yourself. (And no, you don’t have to start with “I remember.” I just found that a helpful jump-start.)

Related posts:

1. Does he have my number or what?
2. Letting go

So, what did I actually learn at the Kenyon Review Writers Workshop? Well, without divulging too much of the KRWW’s patented teaching techniques, let me see if I can give you an idea…

“If an idea strikes you as absurd, go for it.” – Geeta Kothari

Prompts are not the pointless, ineffective little monsters I thought they were.

“You’re always looking for trouble in fiction.” – Geeta Kothari

A story needs conflict/tension and stakes…

“Lists are your friend.” – Geeta Kothari

…and will benefit from objects, a ticking clock, and at least 3 characters.

“When you’re writing about big things, it’s best to focus on the trivia/trivial.” – Geeta Kothari

Write a story you can contain. Bigger is not always better.

“You cannot find the absent in the absence.” – Jason Gray
“There’s an art to everything, even leaving.” – Carl Phillips

Poets are so darn poetic!

“Editors read for reasons to quit reading.” – David Lynn

Getting published is tough noogies. But it’s not impossible!

That’s the week in a nutshell. OBVIOUSLY there was a lot more to it than that, but if it were that easily conveyed, they (a) wouldn’t be able to charge $2k for it, and (b) wouldn’t bother having a workshop. They’d just print the rules somewhere and celebrate because everyone would now rock at writing! Alas, you must go and experience for yourself.

(And by “alas” I mean “YAY!”)

Bottom line: if you’re trying to improve as a writer, but you don’t want to go back to school (or don’t know if you do), then I definitely recommend the KRWW.

I remember when I heard there were returning students, and I was all, “Seriously? But it’s so expensive! But we’re in the middle of nowhere! But there are no agents!” (Note: I’d only been on campus for approximately 17 minutes.) By the middle of the week I was wondering how many times I could return before they’d declare me unteachable and ban me for life.

People go back because it’s a fun, friendly environment that nurtures growth. Both concretely, through the classes, and abstractly, through the setting and community. Yes, it’s a little pricey, but I am now completely convinced of its worth. I mean, when else are you going to have the awesome editors/staff/writers of a top-tier literary magazine focused on you?!

(On that note, I’d like to say thanks and give a shout out to: Tyler M, Anna DR, Jay T, and David L! Geeta too, but she was my teacher so she already knows I love her.)

One thing to note is that the KRWW is different from many other writing workshops and conferences. It’s not about schmoozing. Yes, you’ll meet and “network” with the KR staff and the various workshop teachers (who are all published, respected writers and poets) but there are no agents, no editors, no pitch sessions. You don’t bring stories that you want to work on. The KRWW is about understanding and improving your instincts and process as a writer. You will produce a new (short) piece every day. If you can take the guidance and critiques, you will improve.

So just keep that in mind. I don’t have the experience to say that this approach is any better or worse than what the schmoozy workshops do. I think it’s just different. In some ways it’s less direct (you won’t meet your future agent) but in some ways it’s more so (because you can’t get an agent unless you write really well). Just think about what you need and want most at this point in your life/career, and whichever kind of workshop/conference you end up at, make sure you make the most of it.

Related posts:

1. Kenyon Review review (part 1)
2. Kenyon Review Writers Workshop update
3. Getting it together

Before I go into that, let me take a moment to thank my AWESOME guest bloggers. Pseudo, Floreta, and Andy, your posts were insightful, enjoyable, and all-around fabulous. Thank you so much for sharing your unique voices and thoughts. Hopefully this won’t be the last time!

Also, welcome to all the new readers! I’m flattered that you’ve chosen to stick around. Please make yourselves at home, and chime in whenever you want. We’re friendly around these parts.

…

Now, let’s talk about the writers boot camp workshop. I’ve promised not to give away all their trade secrets, but it really was an amazing week, and I’d like to share a few of my experiences.

First, welcome to Gambier, Ohio:

Um, yeah, that’s pretty much it. Like, the whole town. I mean, there are houses and stuff too, but this two-block square constitutes “downtown” Gambier. There’s a market, a bookstore, a couple restaurants, a post office, a clinic, and some campus administration buildings. There is NOT ONE SINGLE STREET LIGHT. When I first arrived and realized this was home for the next week, I wasn’t sure I’d make it. But by the end, I must confess: I was in love with little ole Gambier.

(The perfect weather didn’t hurt either. Even the one night it stormed was absolutely gorgeous, with dazzling lightning streaking the sky.)

This is Finn House, home base to the Kenyon Review:

After signing in, I dropped my stuff in the dorm and then went out to “orient” myself. Which was oh-so-hard to do in a two-block town… Needless to say, I had a little time to kill before the welcome dinner. Somehow I ended up at the happy hour for teachers and their assistants. Awk-ward. But everyone was friendly, so it turned out just fine.

At the welcome dinner, I decided to sit with students my age, and that pretty much determined the rest of my experience. Six of us bonded quickly, and in just a day or two we became known as “the posse.” Four of us were in the same class (Fiction for New Writers with Geeta Kothari — which ROCKED) and the other two were poets.

Here we are, hard at work in the bookstore after the first day of class.

The daily routine was: class in the morning (3 hrs), lunch, “free time” (i.e., goof off and then SCRAMBLE TO WRITE time), optional movie sessions, dinner, readings, and more “free time” (i.e., OMIGOD IT’S MIDNIGHT ALREADY? I ONLY HAVE 100 WORDS time).

Here’s the hilarious and adorable Rebecca McClanahan (who taught the Creative Non-Fiction workshop) giving her reading.

Gambier is a very dog-friendly place, so even though I was missing Riley something fierce, I had plenty of puppy love to divert my attention.

As the days passed, I found myself producing better work, but more slowly. Socializing may or may not have played a role in that… *halo* I plan to post some of what I wrote at the KRWW over the next few weeks, except the piece I chose to read because I’d like to get it published. If you’d like to hear it, though, my friends taped my reading. (Warning: audio is a little hard to hear.)

Thursday was probably the peak of the week. After that, the lack of sleep (6 hrs, 3 hrs, 5 hrs…) started to get us, and our writing too. Still, every day was a blast. It was like summer camp, in the sense that you know your time is limited so you bond and divulge far more quickly than you ever would under normal circumstances. I of course got teased for being lame. Joe even said, “You have the least street cred of anyone I have ever met.” Doh.

(Although if that puts me in the company of Taylor Swift, then maybe it’s not so bad. Check out “Thug Story” if you haven’t already! It’s hilarious.)

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. On Saturday we said our goodbyes, but we also celebrated our new friendships with one last hurrah.

As Zara said, “Things we are good at: writing. Things we suck at: jumping in unison.”

The posse, in order L to R: Adorable, General Druncle, Speedy, The Wildcard, Poet Laureate, and Grandma.

(All pictures from the week can be found here in my Flickr set.)

Another workshop participant, Kirsten Ogden, posted her (more poetic) take on the week at the Kenyon Review blog. One of the quotes is mine — can you guess which? (Angie and Mengfei aren’t allowed to play ’cause they’ve read the story!)

Related posts:

1. Kenyon Review review (part 2)
2. Kenyon Review Writers Workshop update
3. Getting it together

Previously on Twenty-Somewhere…

Best friends since high school, Claudia, MJ and Sophie get together for one last hurrah after their college graduations, and before dispersing to the Midwest, England, and… well, Sophie stays in Texas. As twenty-something women, they of course have boy problems. And noteworthy encounters with their neighbors. And Sophie and Claudia struggle to find what what they want professionally, while MJ is overwhelmed by her romantic options. Then MJ catches up on the career dilemma, and Sophie flips out at the grocery store. MJ realizes that she has something to prove, but also that that’s not always a bad thing.

The super-hot Diego comes to work at Arden Advertising — just as Sophie is about to quit! At Christmas, MJ experiences airport hell, Claudia gets stranded on the side of the road, and Sophie invites Diego to dinner. Things really start to heat up between them at the office New Year’s party… but then Sophie’s ex-boyfriend X sends her a message! What’s a girl to do?

Confused, Sophie avoids Diego; meanwhile Claudia meets with a successful writer and it isn’t what she expects. Even less expected is MJ’s run in with the gorgeous Dr. Dashing! Nervously, the girls all confront their problems: for Claudia it’s writing, for Sophie it’s Diego, and for MJ it’s her “dashing” supervisor. A combination of good and bad surprises end up showing the girls who they rely on now.

Claudia’s mom pays a visit before the dreaded Valentine’s Day — will Sophie spend it with Diego or X?! After a bit of romance, the girls all face a hard return to the real, working world… which results in Sophie quitting, MJ swearing off guys, and Claudia making a promise she may not be able to keep. As usual, complications arise. And Sophie and MJ have boy problems again.

Things begin to look up when Claudia makes a new writer friend, MJ realizes she might have romantic feelings her lab partner, and Sophie takes advice from her (AWESOME) friend Reggie… But of course things never go as smoothly as we’d like. Sophie decides to just be friends with Diego and X, but then she turns into a third wheel! She also starts an (anonymous!) fashion blog to escape the frustrations of looking for a new job.

Meanwhile, Claudia finds out her writer friend has been hiding publication opportunities, and MJ tries not to ruin Felix’s new relationship. Things don’t go too well. But Sophie, on the other hand, is beginning to find success with her blog. In fact, her former employer Arden Advertising wants to partner with this hot young Capital S — but they don’t know it’s her! Plus Claudia confronts her writer friend and gets an unexpected explanation, and MJ finds herself at the mercy of the girl she stole Felix from.

PHEW! I know it’s a lot, but now you’re all caught up with the zany adventures of Claudia, MJ, and Sophie, the girls of Twenty-Somewhere!

Related posts:

1. [Twenty-Somewhere] Episode 22: Walking the right path
2. [Twenty-Somewhere] Episode 15: Valentine’s Day
3. [Twenty-Somewhere] Episode 12: Facing the inevitable

It makes me really happy to have him guest blogging for me today. (Maybe it can even become a semi-regular thing?) Thanks, Andy!

…

I never used to think about writers. After all, I’m a businessman. We don’t have much time to think about “creative” professions. I negotiate for a living. I manage millions of dollars every day. I bought my first share of stock when I was 15. What do I care about writers?

But lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about writers and more specifically, writing as a profession. I’ve lived with a writer for two years, and I admit, I’ve learned a lot. Being a professional writer isn’t the relaxed hippie lifestyle I imagined. It’s a harsh, demanding, unforgiving industry. If you can get an agent to like you, and an editor to like your agent, and a publisher to like your editor, and the bookstores to like your publisher, and a penny-pinching consumer to shell out $8 for the words you so meticulously crafted, you might be able to afford to feed yourself.

So the businessman (and the closet psychologist) in me began to wonder: what makes a successful writer? I stumbled upon one answer while watching the NBA finals. As the announcers talked about the fanatical work ethic and incomparable talent of Kobe Bryant, the avid sports fan in me began to put the pieces together. The characteristics that make a successful professional writer are the same traits that make a successful professional athlete.

The more I thought about it, the more similarities I found between people who try to make careers out of creative skills (writing, acting, artistry) and those who make careers out of athletics – a group I’ll refer to collectively as “Artists.” Some Artists are simply more talented than most others. I call these people “Gifteds” – those with pure, natural ability. There is a lot that coaching and practice can improve, but you can’t teach a basketball player to be seven feet tall, and you can’t teach a writer to imagine Harry Potter. Then there are Artists who eat, sleep, and breathe what they do – I call these people “ESBs.” ESBs shoot 2,000 jump shots a day during the off-season, or write until 3 o’clock in the morning to finish a story.

Gifteds who are not ESBs rarely become celebrities. They may get one book published, or play professional sports for a couple years, but ESBs who are not Gifted generally don’t end up at the top of their profession. They end up as coaches or professors. It’s the very small percentage of people who are Gifteds and ESBs that become household names. I call these people “Kobes,” after NBA star Kobe Bryant, an Artist who personifies the combination of sheer talent and unwavering dedication that I am talking about.

Bryant has the innate ability to put a round ball into a circular hoop from a variety of distances and angles. But he’s not a superstar just because he has a gift; he became a 4-time NBA champion because he is consumed with playing basketball and improving his game. If you Google “Kobe Bryant Workout,” it returns 320,000 results. Bryant’s famed “666” workout stands for 6 months a year, 6 days a week, 6 hours a day (which includes conditioning, cardio, weight-lifting and basketball). This is in addition to a grueling 82-game schedule. How intense are Bryant’s workouts? In an interview with Men’s Fitness magazine, Bryant says, “The key is to push yourself to a level where you’re hurting… you want to spit up blood, that sort of thing.”

If you’re looking for a writing analogy, you can easily replace “Kobe” with “King.” Stephen King is one of the most prolific and commercially successful writers ever. This is partly driven by his incomparable imagination (which some attribute to his witnessing of a friend being killed by a train when King was just a child), and partly because he is an ESB. King is one of the most disciplined writers in the industry, setting a daily 2,000 word quota and not allowing himself to stop writing until the quota is met. Writing is not just a job to King, it’s a lifestyle. In response to the question of why he writes, King simply says, “There was nothing else I was made to do. I was made to write stories and I love to write stories. I really can’t imagine doing anything else and I can’t imagine not doing what I do.”

This observation goes beyond creatives and athletes. Doctors and lawyers and businessmen are ESBs and Gifteds as well; they’re just less visible than Artists. There’s a perception that “traditional” professions are more conducive to ESBs, “creative” professions more to Gifteds. A closer look shows that regardless of the profession, there are always ESBs, Gifteds, Kobes, and everybody else.

There are a couple points to all of this:

1) To all of you Artists out there, I commend you for trying to make it in such competitive industries. I have a newfound respect for you.

2) Regardless of your profession, it’s important figure out if you’re a Gifted, an ESB, a Kobe or “everybody else.” I’m not saying you can’t have a fulfilling and successful career if you’re not a Kobe, but understanding where you fall, and understanding what differentiates Kobes from the rest of the world, provides a reference point.

A final thought from the Eagle Scout in me: Be Prepared. The one constant for all successful Artists is that they took advantage of their opportunities. The humble Artists (as well as the disgruntled ones) attribute this to luck. I carry a fortune cookie paper in the liner of my baseball cap that reads, “Luck is what happens when opportunity meets preparation.” Good luck to all of you.

Related posts:

1. On ‘On Writing’
2. Writing (and blogging) with soul
3. So much reading about writing that you might start to hate me