Lately, I’ve been receiving all these emails  asking me to access an online forms to confirm my USAA membership. I knew this was bullshit as I wasn’t a member in the first place. Anyway, I google’d it and found out that USAA stood for United Services Automobile Association, and I could see how some may be worried about their membership with them. So, to all those people who received the following email, it’s one of those bullshit phishing letters that only want to suck information out of you so that they can either steal your identity or fleece you of as much cash as they can.

Dear USAA Customer, We would like to inform you that we have released a new version of USAA Confirmation Form. This form is required to be completed by all USAA customers. Please use the button below in order to access the form: Access USAA Confrmation form Thank you, USAA

Please, if you get it this in your email, do us all a favor and ignore it.

Like everything else jokes tend to move with the times.This particular joke is no different and I can safely say that it absolutely rocks! If it doesn’t get a smile out of you then you just do not have a sense of humor. Oh, this is one of those jokes that has a moral to it. See if you can work out what it is.

Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techno-geek.

“Hey, bud, how are ya?”

“I’m good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!”

“Well, I’m glad you like her. Believe it or not, she’s a robot!”

“No way, how could that be?”

“Way! She’s the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that’s not all, she can have sex, too!”

“Holy shit! You’re kidding, right?”

“No, she’s something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her.”

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming “Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp” Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! eeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!”

The guy says, “Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!”

Well, the numbers have been drawn and I truly hope that the winner  purchased a ticket from Oz Lotteries,via my$90 Million OZ Lotto Jackpot Up For Grabs post. Although I would love to have won the prize myself, just the thought that I was the instigator for bringing wealth, and hopefully joy to another person would leave me feeling pretty good about myself, especailly considering that the chance of winning Div 1 was 1 in 45,379,620!

Still, I know what you’re really interested in is the winning numbers, so without further ado:

Well, it seems that it’s too early to know if anyone has won it yet. Perhaps it was you?

If you missed out because you didn’t get time to buy a ticket, perhaps your best bet would be to join Oz Lotteries so that you can buy it online.

Guess what guys? It’s Friday and therefore it’s time for the regular Friday’s Funnies. OK, OK, I missed out a few, but shit happens man, so get over it will ya Anyway, as usual, take heed of the following warning. There may be some swear words in the following story, so if you think you may be offended, do yourself a favor and do not read beyond this point.

This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon I am 91 years old and live at the Trafalgar Square Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone and I want to thank you for the kindness shown to a forgotten old lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to fuck off.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,

Joan

I don’t usually start my posts with a banner, but I thought this one was perfect as it draws the attention to what this post is all about. Last Tuesday Oz Lotto had the largest jackpot in history, so much so that more people than usual rushed to buy a ticket. Not surprising when you consider that the prize was a huge $50 million.

What was really surprising was that nobody actually won fist prize and so it has now jack potted to $90 million which is unheard of in our lottery history. This is extremely lucky for me as I completely forgot to buy a ticket last Tuesday but there is no way I am going to forget the up and coming draw.

I have one advantage above everyone else because I don’t have to fight the crowds to buy a ticket. I’m doing it the easy way by buying it online, which gives me the added bonus of checking the tickets online as well. No more having to worry about making a mistake when checking it manually.

If you are not yet a member of Oz Lotteries, the mob I buy tickets online from, now would be a great time to join, not just because of the Jackpot as they are offering a free Oz Lotto game. The beauty about it is that it’s not limited just to Aussies, you Yanks and Poms can play as well. :) Oh, and last time I bought a ticket I was actually able to use PayPal to make the purchase.

In case you are wondering about the validity of this site you needn’t worry, as a member I can personally vouch for them, even though all my winnings so far have been relatively small. You may find this quote from their about page of interest…

Oz Lotteries is the exclusive distributor of lottery products via the Internet on behalf of leading Australian lottery exporters, TMS Global Services Pty Ltd and TMS New South Wales.

Operating in excess of 20 years, TMS has serviced more than 500,000 customers in over 40 countries to date. TMS distributes lottery products worldwide via mail-order, as a direct lottery service partner for a number of Asian and South Pacific nations and its industry leading website www.OzLotteries.com

Oz Lotteries operates under strict government supervision and is an accredited sales agent of the following Australia lottery operators:

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been a member for a couple of years and though my winnings have been small, I’ve been paid on every one of them.

Time is running out! The lottery draw ends tonight Tuesday 30th June 2009! There is still time to get your ticket at Oz Lotteries for your chance to win 90 MILLION DOLLARS!

UPDATE: It’s now 9.30 am. It seems that many people have left buying a ticket to the last moment. It must be absolutely mayhem out there. I can just imagine the line ups. You may be put in a queue even if buying online because of the buying furor. Which is cool, because at least you are in the comfort of your own home with a cup of coffee nearby.

Times Up, I hope you were one of the lucky winners. Check out the lottery results at my latest POST!

Guess what? I just received the following email.

You have get a Tax Refund on your Visa or MasterCard.
Complete the formular, and get your Tax Refund.

(Your Refund Amount Is 250.50 AUD)

Man, whoever came up with this baby should go back to school and learn how to spell. His grammar pretty well sucks as well. “You have get a Tax Refund”, what the hell is with that anyway? I’m not even sure that this email originates from someone in Australia because why would Australian Taxation office tell me I’m receiving 250.50 AUD rather than $250? Shit, it’s not like they are going to pay me in US dollars or Euros now is it?

Bloody morons, and if you received this and was thinking of clicking on the link then you’re not too far behind.

I must admit that the economic crisis has certainly put a downer on a lot of things but like everything in life you have to look for the silver lining. There has to be one somewhere, you just have to look for it. Perhaps you have a bit of spare cash that you can afford to place on the share market, I mean let’s face it now is probably the best time for investment as the share have to go up sometime.

The other positive are the sales. Everyone is trying to stimulate the market by offering great discounts and now could be a great time to take a holiday. Airline tickets are so much cheaper than they used to be before the crash and you can save heaps by taking advantage of Accor Hotels City Super Sale, a sale that covers 27 cities across 10 countries in the Asia Pacific region. These cities include Bangkok, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Jakarta, Hanoi, Manila, Mumbai, Aukland and Sydney.

The thing is that like a lot of sales you have to be quick to get in on the bargains. With this particular sale you can save up to 60% if you book on-line between 23 – 29 June, for stays between July 10 and September 30, 2009. So if you have a holiday coming your way, that coincides with these dates, now may be a great time to go online as see which one of these great selection of hotels reside in the country you would love to holiday in, just to forget about some of your troubles and woes.

Personally, I would love to go to Auckland new Zealand. Sure it’s winter there now, but I hear that it’s beautiful all year round, and I would love to see some snow and partake of some of their wineries and gourmet attractions. Perhaps I could even sample one of the paua pattie burgers, something I tried over 20 years ago on the South Island.

I got this email today and at great personal risk I clicked on the bogus link to see what would happen. Luckily for me I’m protected by the necessary software and I got the following warning.

The page you are trying to access has been identified as a known exploit, phishing, or social engineering web site and therefore has been blocked for your safety.

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Watch movies & videos online with Flash Player 10:

Update Code: 7982
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Update Code: 7982
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Thank you,

Jason Matthews
Flash Player News

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Notice that there is an option to unsubscribe to the email. Do not click that and supply your email as all you are doing is telling them they have a legitimate email address resulting in a whole lot more bullshit emails.

Truthfully, I believe that there are two types of people who would answer yes to this question. The first are those who have never tried it and are negative about anything new and so their opinion is pretty well useless. The second are those who joined, didn’t know what the fudge they were doing and so failed miserably, and once again their opinion is just as useless as the first group, although some may listened to them as at the very least they’ve given it a try.

The truth is that eBay is not bullshit, because if you know what you are doing you can actually make money. The truth of the matter is that I have saved hundreds of dollars by buying products on eBay, and every dollar I saved means more money in my pocket, and in essence that is money earned. Here are some simple eBay tricks for safe online shopping.

• You only shop for things that you need, because if you’re going to buy things just because they’re cheap you may as well throw your money away.
• Only buy from those showing a feedback percentage of 98% positive or better. If others are happy with their service then you probably will be too.
• Check to see that their delivery charges are not exorbitant. Some sellers offer cheap goods but slug you with a high postal charge. If you think their postage is over the top then look elsewhere.
• Don’t just look at the item and the price. Check out the seller by clicking on their link to find out how long he’s been operating and what sort of feedback score he’s got.
• Is the product new? Watch out, many people buy something thinking it’s new when it wasn’t and it’s their own fault because they didn’t the product information carefully.

I was watching 60 Minutes the other night and they featured a segment on how more and more young women were giving up their careers to be at home looking after the kids, housework and their husbands. Apparently many of these young women have found that, contrary to the woman’s liberation movement, that they couldn’t really have it all, that it wasn’t possible to juggle a career and give the family the devotion they deserved.

Naturally they had to bring Germaine Greer into the picture and needless to say she was pretty disgusted with the whole thing. She even went so far as to say these women were doomed later on in life because of their poor choices. Who the hell does this woman think she is to force her views on other women and to belittle the choices they’ve made? What right does she have to say that they are wrong in putting their family before their career? I always though the women, like the rest of humanity, should be allowed to choose for themselves, as these women obviously did, as to whether they want a career solely as a wife, mother and home maker or to try and juggle home life with a job. Their choice and not that of a woman who has no right to judge as she’s never had to raise kids and so can not realize the driving force behind these women.