TheSkunk.org

Palin pronounced brain-dead

Editors, The Skunk — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 19:34:01 +0000

WASILLA -- Alaskan Governor Sarah Plain was pronounced brain-dead Friday after reporters found her outside her Wasilla home, mumbling incoherently.

Tito Jackson seeks to replace brother as ‘King of Pop’

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 23:17:24 +0000

LOS ANGELES -- Tito Jackson declared himself the new King of Pop today, promising to fill the void in fans' hearts left by the death of his superstar younger brother.

Diahann Carroll and Leslie Uggams slighted in Jackson will

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 20:35:15 +0000

HOLLYWOOD -- Performers Diahann Carroll and Leslie Uggams expressed their indignation today at being excluded from Michael Jackson's will.

Jackson’s black body also found dead

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 01:28:18 +0000

LOS ANGELES -- In a sad turn of events, the black body of Michael Jackson was found dead Wednesday, less than a week after his white one departed.

Sanford sent same sex letter to all mistresses

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 23:06:50 +0000

COLUMBIA, SC — When Governor Mark Sanford emailed his South American lover, expressing his admiration for “…the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself,” he was certain the carefully chosen words would turn the heat up on their sexually charged relationship. But when Maria Belen Chapur, the Argentinian journalist to whom the [...]

IOUs become official currency of California

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 19:06:45 +0000

SACRAMENTO -- Governor Schwarzenegger today declared that IOUs will be the new currency of the State of California.

After re-count, Ahmadinejad has 110% of vote

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 18:39:23 +0000

TEHRAN -- After an exhaustive recount of the election results, the Iranian ruling clerics have determined that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won their country’s election by a far greater margin than previously indicated, winning 110 % of the vote.

Madoff looks forward to life after prison

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 01:34:44 +0000

NEW YORK -- Convicted financier Bernie Madoff, sentenced to 150 years for perpetrating the largest financial scam in history, remains optimistic about life after prison.

Bits of plastic found in backyard may be from Target

Editors, The Skunk — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 01:23:22 +0000

A Montana couple found bits of broken plastic buried on their property that appear to have been parts of disposal forks and knives from a retail Target store.

Shlockheads mourn loss of pitchman Billy Mays

Editors, The Skunk — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 20:25:02 +0000

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- Cases of OxiClean and the Handy Switch have been flying off the shelves in cities around the world, as distraught fans of the late Billy Mays try to hold onto a little bit of the departed pitchman’s magic.

Plans intact for Michael Jackson to appear in concert

Editors, The Skunk — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 16:59:31 +0000

LONDON – Faced with the possibility of refunding $85 million in tickets sales, promoters for the concert series that Michael Jackson was preparing for at the time of his death have decided to honor the 750,000 pre-sold tickets and move forward with the shows.

Ayatollah accused of rigging ‘Iranian Idol’ contest

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:59:00 +0000

TEHRAN -- Iranian Grand Ayatollah Sayyid Ali Khamenei has been accused of rigging the results of the popular TV competition "Iranian Idol."

GOP removes ‘Family Values’ from Platform

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 18:11:50 +0000

WASHINGTON, DC -- The Republican National Committee announced today it will be removing the much-hyped “Family Values” agenda from its platform.

Steven Jobs downloads liver update

Editors, The Skunk — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:54:31 +0000

Apple CEO Steven Jobs has received an update to his liver to correct serious vulnerabilities detected in the previous version.

Obama kills elk with bare hands

Editors, The Skunk — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 06:33:32 +0000

YELLOWSTONE, WY -- The response to President Obama’s swatting of a fly with his open palm during an NBC interview was so overwhelming, it prompted him to seek out other animals to kill with his bare hands.

GOP elephant switches parties

Editors, The Skunk — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:44:59 +0000

BALTIMORE -- On the heels of Senator Arlen Specter’s jump to the Democratic Party, the GOP Elephant -- longtime mascot of the Republicans -- has announced he, too, is switching political affiliations.

Republicans propose Ayatollah system for U.S.

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 19:05:01 +0000

WASHINGTON, DC -- In a speech at a recent Republican fundraiser, former House Speaker New Gingrich proposed that the United States adopt an Iranian-style Ayatollah form of government.

Pope gives Bible a second look and says it makes no sense

Editors, The Skunk — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 05:32:30 +0000

VATICAN CITY -- Pope Benedict XVI recently re-read the Bible and came to the conclusion that it made no sense. In a recent press conference, the Pontiff told reporters he decided to read the Holy Scriptures merely for pleasure, and was taken aback by "how confusing and illogical it is."

Magic accuse Lakers of greasing balls

Editors, The Skunk — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 20:43:04 +0000

After losing the 2009 NBA Finals 4-1, Orlando players have accused the Lakers of applying a foreign substance to the basketball to make it easier for them to score.

Surgeons replace man’s severed penis with his big toe

Editors, The Skunk — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:45:21 +0000

A man whose penis was severed from his body recently underwent surgery to replace the missing appendage with the big toe from his right foot.

Ugly girl asks rapist to prom

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:31:30 +0000

Myrna Tidfedder endured a lifetime of rude remarks about her appearance, but that didn't stop the Maywood High School senior from finding someone willing to be seen with her at the cherished event.

Woman accused of changing husband’s Sleep Number

Editors, The Skunk — Sun, 31 May 2009 22:56:01 +0000

DENVER -- A Colorado woman was accused of changing her husband's Sleep Number on the couple's adjustable Select Comfort mattress. Arlene Gimbleman had bought the king-size bed five years earlier as a gift for her spouse, whose lower back had been giving him problems since childhood.

Larry King researches guest before interview

Editors, The Skunk — Mon, 25 May 2009 07:01:48 +0000

LOS ANGELES -- CNN host Larry King stunned television viewers last week by researching the background and accomplishments of a guest prior to interviewing him on his popular cable television show.

For the Record 002

Editors, The Skunk — Sun, 24 May 2009 19:43:14 +0000

In a recent article, we referred to the former Vice President as “Prick Cheney.” We regret not coming up with something more clever.

Craigslist to create new section for stalkers, victims

Editors, The Skunk — Sat, 23 May 2009 03:53:52 +0000

SAN FRANCISCO -- Craigslist officials announced today they will be adding a new category exclusively for Stalkers and Victims, in an attempt to make their Adult Services section safer for call girls, hookers and erotic masseuses.

Bad singer sues American Idol for discrimination

Editors, The Skunk — Fri, 22 May 2009 07:01:22 +0000

TRENTON -- An atrocious singer from New Jersey sued the producers of American Idol, claiming unfair employment practices by only hiring those with strong singing voices to participate in the popular reality series.

Guantanamo detainee new CEO of Chrysler

Editors, The Skunk — Thu, 21 May 2009 04:52:38 +0000

DETROIT/GUANTANAMO BAY -- Terrorist Abdullah Reza Mafabi, imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay for conspiring with Al Qaeda, is now the number-one man at Chrysler.

Microsoft becomes newest automaker

Editors, The Skunk — Tue, 19 May 2009 07:11:38 +0000

SEATTLE -- Bill Gates has thrown his hat into the auto manufacturing ring. Microsoft's first generation of vehicles will be the aptly named "Car, VER. 01," and will feature internet connectivity and voice activated controls.

Specter switches genders

Editors, The Skunk — Mon, 18 May 2009 07:01:48 +0000

WASHINGTON -- Following his surprising switch to the Democratic Party, Senator Arlen Specter has announced that as of Monday he will no longer identify with the male gender, and will be joining the ranks of congressional females.

Trump defends Miss California as “Perfectly Doable”

Editors, The Skunk — Sat, 16 May 2009 23:21:01 +0000

The growing controversy as to whether or not Miss California should keep her crown ended today when pageant owner Donald Trump declared the young beauty queen "perfectly doable."