Some say it is not worth fighting, “Ignore the creature and he will ignore you.  Just go about your business and hope it does not notice you and attempt to devour you.”

Other say, “He is a gentle beast, tamed with the lightest whisper.”

Then their are those who truly frighten me who say, “Submit to the demon as your lord and master.  Allow him to dictate every facet of your life.  You will be better for it.”

In my life, I have been all of these people, but the work has become increasingly difficult.

The Compromise

“Demon! You will tell me what is required from me, and I will tell you what is a benefit to me, and what is a curse.”

It’s admittedly not the best plan, but it is one that has worked for a while.  I look at the mountain of To do’s, and I do a pros and cons list.  What is the upside and what is the downside?  Focusing on the items with the most upsides in my benefit if completed or the most downsides if left undone, I was able to tame the beast for quite some time.

Then it found a new angle to attack me from.  Projects started cropping up that inevitably balanced on the scales.  The system broke.

The decision rests with you…

From a slobbering brute who assailed me with fears, doubts, and risk, the demon morphed into Klaatu from The Day the Earth Stood Still, except both paths it offered offer the same benefits and the same risks,  and there is not enough time or energy available to me to accomplish both simultaneously.  Then with a cleaver grin the beast said, “The decision rests with you.”

None of my tricks work anymore, and thw quandry makes my head swim in so many directions that I don’t know where to go or what to do.

This is not untraveled ground for me.  It is a path that I know all too well.  I continually find myself in these predicaments.

In a limitless world, you are your only limit.

As I have said many times, the blessing and curse of the modern era is that anything is possible.  With so many possibilities it is hard to figure out which way to go, what path to go down.

So here I am.  The schedule is packed.  Between the podcasts, blogging, and novel requirements I have little to no time to turn around and see what I should do or where I should go.  None of it is an easy decision.  I feel guilty when I neglect any of these projects and I love and enjoy doing all of them.

How do I get out of here?

Well, part of it seems easy, and the rest fills me with fear and trepidation.

I have two stories wrestling in my head, and I am going to do the only thing I can: work on both of them.  I am going to post the ideas as they develop on this site, and grow them toward the novels they could become.  As for everything else, I am just going to have to let go.

I have been afraid to watch Merlin out of fear that it would spawn a new podcast from dashPunk.  If it does it does.  I am just going to have to do as much as I can.

To quote Queensryche:

The art of life is …
without rushing, without faltering, unraveling the secrets of knowledge.
We must challenge and defeat our four natural enemies;
Fear.
Clarity of mind.
Power and the desire to rest.

I’m a geek too!

(via New TeeVee)

Brilliant stuff

Amazing new music and art form.  I love this stuff.

Usually, we I get into the place I find myself today, people think I am putting down the physical location I am in.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

I find myself living in a place as foreign to me as a fish exploring outer space.  I don’t just mean this actual town.  I mean my personal, professional, spiritual, and imaginal lives.  I have entered a domain that is no longer governed by my five senses and everything I have ever learned, thought or believed is useless.

Personal Life

I swore to myself that I would never move back to Poplar Bluff, but here I am.  There are many versions of the story.

• In one, I am victim of circumstance.  Not entirely, but this was not in the plan.
• In two, I am a good Samaritan.  Not really, I am a little too selfish for that to be true.
• In three, I am afraid to move.  I lost nearly everything once, now I am afraid to loose my family too.
• In four, I am afraid I don’t know who and what I want anymore.  This one is probably closest to being true.

A couple years ago, when my grandfather died, my sister (who I trust, admire, and love more than anything) sat me down and gave me an ultimatum:  “You have tried to be a writer for a long time now.  How much longer are you going to do this before you give it up and get a real job.”

It broke my heart, and in many ways my soul.  All I have ever wanted to be was a writer… well storyteller.  She was right, up until that time, I had not found anyone who liked anything I ever wrote.  My prospects as a writer were slim to none.

I remember that day clearly.  That was the day I sacrificed my personal life to make my dreams come true.  I started worked 12 to 18 hour days writing and learning:

• how to blog
• the ins and outs of the software
• how to podcast
• how to pretend not to be the shy, sensitive artist, and how to be an entrepreneur.

As my former life lay bleeding at my feet, I turned my back, hoping to achieve my dreams and make my family proud.

Professional Life

My professional life is a juggling act.

I blog for three sites.

I record 9 podcasts a week in 5 series.

I am planning out a new novel in a new setting.

I promote 3 already published works.

I run a Blog and Podcast Network.

I am developing a Table Top role playing game based in the settings I created.

I am a community manager.

I am dashPunk Media’s tech support and code monkey.

I am not looking for sympathy.  I enjoy most of what I do for work, and not a day goes by when a reader/listener doesn’t remind me why I do what I do.  The problem is, I am having trouble remembering why I do it.

I can definitely say:

• I am not in this for the money (though it would be nice).
• I am not in this for the fame (frankly the little that I have freaks me out).
• I am not in this for my ego (I get too much hate mail for that)

I love to tell stories because I like to connect with others.  There is a certain magic that happens when I discuss one of my stories with a fan, or talk about someone else’s story.  Stories are the way we share those unspeakable things with each other.  They are the way we connect on a deep level.  That is what is missing:

Where are the connections?

I am fortunate to have made connections with a few of you, but not nearly to the level I would like, and not nearly in the way I would like.

The Internet is by its very nature impersonal.  It is hard to meet and connect to new people in a real way.

We talk on twitter, email, every now and again through IM, but these are all dry and empty communications platforms, not community platforms.  What I am wanting to make is an honest to God community on the web.  Facebook is great for the people I already know, and twitter is great for sharing ideas and links, but what I want is an interconnected hub where we can meet greet, and share.  Getting to know each other, and helping each other out.

Laconi.ca, Reddit, Drupal, and Ning

I looked at every social tool I can find, and I have yet to find the one that will do what I am looking for.  They all have their pros and cons, but the hard truth is, I really don’t have the time and energy to learn all of these systems.  What I want is a one stop shop.

I am not sure what happened to Chris Pirillo’s idea for a simple community version of Drupal, every time I go to the site it is down.  I suppose he abandoned it.

This might be a problem that is not solvable.

The Dream App

I like Ning, and the features they offer, they have all of the basics:

• Branding & Visual Design Freedom
• Unique Member Profiles
• Moderation & Privacy
• Invitations & Search Engine Optimization
• Latest Activity
• Custom Text & Widgets
• RSS Feeds In and RSS Out
• Photos Feature & Branded Photo Slideshows
• Video Feature & Branded Video Players
• Chat
• Groups
• Discussion Forum
• Blogs for Every Member
• Events

That is the bare minimum for a network, but it really should have a few more things.

• Twitter integration:  (Using the Existing API)
  • Group Tweet-like functionality that would allow members see each other’s updates in one place, as well as post to the feature, and have the feature post on to Twitter.  Members would also be able to start new groups with a quick and easy set up process.
  • Tweetizen-like functionality that would allow for topic communities, and a great example of group tweeting, but it is limited to 10 people in a group, that limit would have to be removed, and members would have to be able to join without having to be added.
• Last.fm intergation: The ability to display and share information to and from Last.fm in the network.
• GoodReads integration: The ability to display and share information to and from GoodReads in the network.
• Blip.fm integration:  The ability to display and share information to and from Blip.fm, including a network playlist, and individual ones for the groups.
• Social Bookmarking integration: I really have no favorites here, but it would be great to share, collect, rate, and organize links.
• Full integration with other photo sharing sites.
• Bookmarklet to easily share videos, pictures and links into the network
• Groups should have the option of having their own blogs.
• Member blog posts should have the option of which groups they are posted to.
• Easy Zine creation and distribution.
  • Members should be able to start, accept submissions, edit, and publish their own zines individually or in groups.
• A desktop app that makes all of these features little more than a click away for those members who are interested in it.  Something like TweetDeck.

I know I am probably forgetting a lot of things.  If you can think of anything that your dream network should have, please leave a comment.  Maybe we can find a couple developers who can help us take BuddyPress, Ning, or Drupal to this level of functionality.

In the end, the question really is, What makes you think?

It is probably a  result of growing up Baptist, but I think a lot about culture:

• Where are we now?
• Where are we going?
• How can I make the culture better?
• How am I making the culture worse?

The issue is, I am not a person who is into confrontation.  I believe that consensus is very important.  I have been writing a series about Fandom and Speculative Fiction over at dashPunk, and it never ceases to amaze me how often the topics I think are going to be controversial are not, and the ones I think won’t are.

As I watched this video, it really got me thinking: What makes you think?  How can someone who is not confrontational spark a thought in their readers mind to get the conversation going?

Please let me know what you think.

Tuesday 6:50 pm

At 6:50 central, a branch broke off the tree in our back yard, severing the powerline and showering our backyard with sparks.

This was the sixth time we lost power.

The sound of scattering ice, snapping wood break the silence. The ground crushed, silence returns.

Lights flicker in the sky as transformers and power lines yield to the the weight of the ice. It sounds as though nature is shelling the land, taking our light and heat from us.

The cold presses on the windows and seeps in around the edges as the wind rattles the panes. It will be an interesting night.

Tuesday 11:00 pm

The sound of branches snapping has become a regular occurance. It is a little chilly in the house, but we have been able to keep the house at around 68 degrees. We have not been able to get through to the power company. I am sure they knew they power is off, but they should know about the downed powerline in the back yard. We have been having trouble getting any local radio stations to get updates. Last I heard the freezing rain should stop by 6 am. They said it might turn to snow. I hope it does. We don’t need any more ice.

Tuesday 11:40 pm

Our neighbors have power on the other side of the road, as does the BP station behind us. We are still in the dark.

Wednesday 12:07 am

We got through to the power company. Now they know about the downed power line. Hopefully, they will fix it soon. It it 69 in here. We are doing good.

Wednesday 1:19 am

more transformers are popping, the BP station  is dark again as are the neighbors across the street. We have yet to have power restored again.

Wednesday 6:37 am

it is nearly 12 hours since we lost power. Brian and I are sleeping in shifts so one of us is awake to watch over the stove. I napped for 3 hours, now it is his turn.

We have maintained 68 degrees in the house. They just cleaned the branches from the road. There is no sign of the power company.

Wednesday 2:30 pm

We have gone out to get some heating fuel and batteries.  The roads are clear after you get our of the neighborhood.

Wednesday 6:15 pm

It is close to 24 hours since the power went out, and the lights are now on!

Gina Trapani is no longer going to be the lead writer at Lifehacker.

The bottom line is this: for someone who loves making things on the web, spending 100% of the time blogging about what other people are making is simply untenable (via LifeHacker)…

I have butted up against that very same problem.  dashPunk Media, dashPunk.com, and the Project: Shadow Informant started as side projects for me.  They were footnotes to my fiction writing.

Brian and I were having these discussions anyway, why not have them publicly.

Over time, they have devoured more and more of my time.  It is no longer a side project, they have become my main job, and I am sneaking every moment I can to work on my fiction as a sideline.  It is not easy.

I am not giving up on the sites or the podcast, but I feel Gina’s pain.

The Vision

The one thing that propels me forward is my vision for dashPunk Media, and for the Genres that I love.  So many reforms are necessary before any real change can happen.  The marketplace is shifting, and no one knows where or how it will settle out.

These are dark times for writers.  If the written word is to have a future beyond blogs and twitter, new models will have to be constructed.

It never ceases to amaze me the miriad ways people are exploring to move forward.  We can only get there togeter.

I wish Gina the best of luck with all of her future projects, and I wish the same for everyone driven by passion.  May you find every tool you need to realize your dreams.

My life goals are simple:

• Tell stories that are entertaining and edifying
• Promote and preserve fan culture
• Strive to see the world clearly
• Act free of fear, desire, and social obligation

Lately, I am not sure which of these is my top priority anymore.  I love/need to write stories, but I have not had the time to pen fiction like I used to.  dashPunk and the Project: Shadow Informant Podcast have been taking up more and more of my time.  Time management is the bane of us all.

When I ask myself what I want to do in 2009, a clear list comes to mind:

• Record the podcast version of Liquid Sky
• Record the podcast version of Shine Like Thunder
• Continue the daily podcast
• Continue all three of my blogs
• Write a new novel/serial.  (Phara-un or Fate’s Harrow)
• Complete a screenplay, and plan out either a film or web series.
• Loose weight/get healthy

For the first time in many years, I believe that I can do anything that I set my mind to, and I have to thank all of you for that.  Your kindness and support has shown me that my decade in the wilderness was not in vain.  I am not alone.  For that, I am forever greatful.

You all have done more for me than I will ever be able to repay, but I will do my best.

In 2009, I dedicate my time to my readers/listeners, without whom none of this would be possible.  It is a brand new day, and I promise to work for you all this year harder than ever.  You deserve the best, and I dedicate my time to finding and creating the best content for you.  dashPunk Media will produce the best Speculative Fiction sites on the net.  All for you.

Thank you all do very much.