I’ve never been able to idolize any human being who came across as perfect. I can’t believe in something that I know isn’t real. That’s why I like my heroes to be imperfect. If they can be human… and still be awesome… that is something I can hope to achieve.

I have to believe that our children need the same type of example from us. So many times though, we parents feel that if we’re not right 100% of the time, then we lose somehow. We’re not sure what we’ll lose… but it’ll be gone and we’ll miss it and that is that!

The problem is, thinking back to my own childhood, I knew when my parents made mistakes. I made decisions, pacts, and judgments based on what I understood at the time. If they tried to gloss it over, or pretend it never happened, or even worse, make like it was right… it had the opposite effect they were hoping for. I lost respect for them and swore, once more, never to be like them.

The solution to this issue is difficult but simple. When we screw up as a parent or spouse… we need to admit it and apologize. Our kids see us when we’re acting stupid… and they need to see what happens as a result. They need to see us humble ourselves. They need an example of how to fail. We’re afraid to show weakness… but it takes guts to let it show. It takes strength to be weak.

The other day I got mad with my wife. I was loud and annoyed. Like a flash in the pan it was over… but there were my kids at the breakfast table looking at me. My daughter asked what was wrong. I told her that I got angry with Mom… but I was wrong and shouldn’t have been loud. She learned that this wasn’t acceptable or typical behavior. It wasn’t the norm… and wouldn’t be the norm. Dad was wrong and would correct the behavior. Emotional scarring averted.

It’s not the only time I have had to apologize to her. Once I was mistaken in a discipline situation. Mom had told her one thing, I didn’t know about it and told her another. Tears and confusion followed. I went to her room and told her what had happened… that she wasn’t in trouble… and that I was wrong and very sorry. You could see the hurt melt away from her eyes. Again, emotional scarring averted.

Apologizing is powerful. It sets an example. Creates accountability within the family. Helps kids see a direct link between the standards you have for them and the benefits as an adult. Mostly though, it makes you real. It turns around a negative and makes it a positive. It bonds your kids to you rather than pushing them away.

The goal with apologizing is to do it as much as necessary, but as little as possible.

Jenn and I should be the perfect parents. She was the academic… I was the geek outcast. There is only one type of teen we can’t relate to… The Popular Kid. It’ll be hilarious if that’s how they both turn out.

I am the luckiest man on this earth. Not just because I’m with you… but because you had any interest in my at all in the first place.

You’re an amazing woman. The smartest person I know (aside from your taste in husbands). The best mother a man could hope to have for his children. Easily the cutest lady in the universe.

I live my life to please God and be worthy of you. Thanks for everything.

My only regret is that our kids don’t look more like you.

She likes the typical stuff like presents, a cake and a party or dinner but what really does it for her are the special extras that show her I care. They especially come in handy when you’re out of town on her birthday and need to do some extra just to make it seem less than normal.

Here are some ways to add a little extra to her special day.

1. Let her sleep in. This is especially important if you have children.

2. Feed the family. Three meals a day is a huge responsibility. You can’t give her a day off without taking that one over for her. The kids may not be pleased with PB & J three times in a row… but Mom will love it!

3. Make sure she owns her current top 5 favorite songs. Thanks to iTunes and the like, it’s easy to purchase a lot of good music without spending a ton on a full CD like we did back in the day. Find out what she’s listening to on the radio, interpret the sketchy description, and purchase your best guess for her.

4. Write her a list of things you love about her. Your lady doesn’t realize how much you appreciate her. You don’t appreciate her enough. Writing up a huge list of things you love and appreciate is good for both of you. See my latest list of things I love about my wife.

5. Clean out and detail her car. Maybe you do this already… then do it again… and make it smell really good!

6. Clean her house and do the dishes. Do an extra good job. Pull the sofa away from the wall. Move the TV. Vacuum and dust like mad. Get the kids involved. Light a new Yankee Candle you picked up to make it even better.

7. Candles, novels or movies. Chances are your wife is in to one or more of those three things. Buy some. What candles does she have that are low? She wants a new one. What movies has she seen and enjoyed? Pick up a copy. Find her favorite authors and see if they’ve written anything new. You can’t lose.

8. Ask the kids what they appreciate about their Mom. Help them make a card and write it out for them (unless they’re big enough to do it themselves).

9. Massages. Buy some massage oil to make it even better (and easier on your hands).

10. Write up a book of coupons that they can cash in later for child care, breakfast in bed, sleeping in, etc. Let the giving continue way past the birthday. Make more than one of each!

11. Have a birthday message read from her favorite podcast! Half joking… but really, it’s an idea. You can sponsor an episode of Geek Loves Nerd and we’ll dedicate the entire show to her… and read a message just from you!

In every situation I’ve been asking myself this question to help me be better at putting my wife’s needs above my own:

What do I want? Give that to her!

Simple… but very hard to do. For instance… we’re going out to eat. I have a place I want to go to… so does she… but they’re not the same place. I can fight for what I want… or I can give her what I want. It’s different than giving in… or losing. It’s a chance for us to willingly provide for the other person what we want ourselves.

I hear this giving thing comes back around. Plant a good seed and good things grow. I’m looking forward to that.

What do you do to help from being to selfish in your relationship? Post your thoughts in the comments.

Accountability on the Internet is important whether you’re married or not… but for those of us who are hitched… it’s not just important, it’s all but mandatory. For the married person, accountability is easy. You’ve got a built-in accountability partner!

If I ever screw up my marriage… I want it to be for something half-way worthwhile… not some stupid internet stunt. That’s why I let my wife have full access to my online life. I have no secrets online. Here’s some of my suggestions:

I believe it’s very important for your spouse to know what you’re doing online.

I’m not saying they need to be checking your browsing history every moment of the day… but they should be able to any time they wish.

Your spouse should be able to access your email account.

Does your wife or husband have your password? Mine does. I don’t think she’s ever used it… but she could if she wanted to.

Your spouse should be able to get all up in your cell phone.

This includes photos, call history, chat, email messages. My phone is not locked. Jenn can see anything she wants. I have nothing to hide… except for bad spelling in text messages.

If something weird happens, your spouse should be told.

Did you click on something in Facebook that launched one thousand dirty pop-ups? Did a friend send a seedy image? Did an over zealous female try to start someone online? Delete it or stop it and share it with your spouse.

The computer should be in a high-traffic area.

It’s hard to get into trouble online if you aren’t alone with the internets.

Don’t chat.

Visiting random chatrooms is not a great idea for anyone honestly… but especially married people. That’s why I like Twitter. You can talk to folks… but it’s public. Even private messages are archived. I’ve been known to chat back and forth with co-workers and friends using Google Chat… but that keeps a written record of every chat that my wife could scan at anytime. I just don’t believe it’s a good idea to use software that allows for random connections in a one-on-one situation.

Now it’s easier than ever to call America’s Favorite Podcast (that’s hosted by James and Jenn Kennison)…

920-3GLNGLN

or (920) 345-6456

GLN = Geek Loves Nerd… see! Told you it was easy!

Call us right now with feedback, a comment, an Ask Jenn question or topic idea!

Geek Loves Nerd is a fun show with the best co-host known to man… but there are some really excellent shows done by married couples that you should check out if you haven’t already. These shows range from G to PG-13 rating. Some are done by Christian people, others are not… but they are all worth a listen.

If you have other great couple’s casts that you’d like to share, drop a note in the comments below.

If you do end up enjoying the mess out of one of these shows… make sure to tell ‘em where you heard about ‘em!

Great Couple’s Podcasts:

Family From The Heart – iTunes, RSS

Jawbone Radio – iTunes, RSS

Jenn & DAVe Show – iTunes, RSS

Monster Cookies – iTunes, RSS

Two Blind Squirrels – iTunes, RSS

Redboy Podcast – iTunes, RSS

What dinner do you find easiest to serve your family that also makes them very happy?
- Julia

My favorite dinner to serve and eat is spaghetti. I make thin spaghetti, Ragu Chunky Mushroom sauce with meat, bread and sometimes salad. All of us love it, and I can make it in about 20 minutes. I would love to make it every night!

I would love to hear your family’s favorite dinners. I am always looking for new dinner ideas. Post you comments below!

Do you have a question? Email it in now!

What can I say… she’s a chip off the old block.

She’s explaining the drawing to me… It’s a dog. Then she draws this scribble around him and get this stern look… “He got Froze!!” After my shocked response… she smiles and lets me off the hook.

I can’t wait to watch this girlie grow up and see what she becomes.

I recently found a great Social Networking site created just for Parents like you to connect to other parents.

From ParentUnity.org: “We hope to create a renewed sense of community centered around parenting and family.”

ParentUnity is a completely free website. It is a real resource for parents who are trying to get their kids to a better place than they were.

Check it out, get an account and add me as a friend: http://www.parentunity.org/profile/JamesKennison

ParentUnity.org

Visit parentunity

We recently updated the entire website. I hope you enjoy the sleeker, brighter, improved version of GeekLovesNerd.com!

Note the dual columns featuring both blog posts and podcasts. This is a feature I’ve wanted in a theme for a long time. I finally learned enough CSS to code it myself. This is a functionality I’d love to build into the new theme over at nlcast.com as well.

I’ve also featured the Categories in their own secondary toolbar. This will allow quick and easy access to exactly the info you’re looking for.

If you’re looking for any of the old menu items that aren’t on the main menu… hover your mouse over the About button. Most of them are tucked into there.

How do you feel about letting your kids join sports that are known for being extreme or hard contact sports, like football, bmx, skateboarding, and other various sports?
- Laurel

This is something we have not dealt with yet with our kids since our kids are still too young to participate in these types of sports. So, I may think differently when my baby boy is the one in this situation. I don’t have a problem with these sports if they are played or practiced with lots of safety gear and adult supervision. I want my son to play football. And, if he had the interest I would probably allow him to try some of the other “extreme” sports with lots of safety gear and the full knowledge that the minute he did not follow the rules, he would no longer be participating. I want my kids to try out a lot of different activities and sports, but I don’t think I go out of my way to encourage some of the more dangerous sports.

The world’s been turned on it’s ear it seems. The economy is jacked to heck, celebs are dying by the boat load, folks are losing their jobs and home budgets are being shrunken. Is ‘shrunken’ a word? It is today!

With all of this constantly staring you in the face, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by it all. Here are some things I’ve come to that help me through it.

I can be concerned, but not worried.

I can’t ignore the obvious… but I can’t control it either. Concern allows me to face things realistically and think clearly enough to consider solutions. Worry, on the other hand, assumes that I have some kind of control… but keeps me from thinking clearly at all.

I will be thankful… as in full of thanks.

At my church they say, “God is good, all the time… All the time, God is good”. Though it does get old sometimes, it is no less true. Every good gift comes from God. Being full of thanks, and giving thanks, keeps you focused on the things that aren’t going wrong in your life. So often the things that are going easy are taken for granted because the things that are going wrong demand our attention. Thankfulness will help you remember how much in your life is good.

It will not affect my relationship with my spouse.

No matter how much we struggle financially, why in the world should it affect our marriage? If we’re on the same team and have the same goals… there is no reason. Let’s say the worst happens. My salary is severely cut… or I’m laid off. We become poorer, have to sell our home, forced to move and find work… if we’re on the same team with the same goals, these things should serve to bind us closer together… not become a source of contention and strife between us. Plus, we have small children… what do we want to teach them about how married couples handle life’s drama?

God has a plan.

Not everything in this world is in God’s control. He allows people to make their own choices… good and bad. So his Will is rarely actually done… but I take great pleasure in knowing that God does always have a plan. Take the Garden of Eden. It wasn’t God’s will for Adam and Eve to sin and leave the Garden… but he did have a plan to get them back after they left by sending his Son Jesus thousands of years later. In my own life, I’ve even seen Him use my mistakes in my own favor. It comes from having a heart that truly wants to follow God’s will. The Bible says it this way: “…we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” It also says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and not on what you know. Acknowledge him with everything you do and he will make the way obvious.”

This time around we get a good solid half-hour of the 4.5 year old wonder child talking about everything from Stapes and Strinks to Zombie Games and Nice Cats.

Try GotoMeeting free for 30 days! For this special offer, visit www.gotomeeting.com/podcasts

I figured that today I should share the podcasts I’m listening to:

chicken pop pod – Pop culture past and present.

Children’s Ministry Monthly – The practical children’s ministry podcast.

Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History – A great show sharing history, but old as a story.

GOK: Gospel of Kennison – My audio journal.

Jawbone Radio – An excellent and entertaining couple’s cast.

JDAZE Podcast – A clean comedy show telling stories, news and other fun stuff.

The Jesus Geek – Tech, news and how-to’s for the connected Christian.

Mike Thinks News – Current news in science, tech, the internet and culture… plus a healthy slathering of personal opinions.

Nobody’s Listening Podcast – Telling funny life stories and inviting you to do the same.

Retroist Podcast – Retro culture, nostalgia, humor and fun. This guy is very good at what he does.

WBR Show – Random Humor, Current Events, Pop Culture. Your Mom.

Subscribe and enjoy all of these shows… and when you do, tell um who sent ya!

My wife and I have been podcasting together since 2007. I won’t get into the details of how to get your wife to podcast because this article is an open call to every couple out there: YOU SHOULD BE PODCASTING!

Obviously podcasting is a fancy word for recording an audio file, turning it into an mp3 and uploading it on the internet. I’ve written several podcast how-to articles on how to start your own show and how I podcast myself. Check them out if you’re looking for some tips.

In our context podcasting becomes an audio timeline of events in your family. Sure we have scrapbooks full of photos… but photos can’t remind you of the weekly events, funny things someone said, little stories that you might forget. Photos can’t capture the voice of your children, the tone of your spouse’s voice. Podcasts can do all of this.

Podcasting, when done correctly, can also serve to bond your family together. Whether you podcast with just a spouse or your entire family, this is a regular event that stands to connect you almost as much as dinner time… but with more lasting effects.

Even if you go through all the work to record, upload, set up the feed and all of the things necessary to do a show… and no one listens… who cares! This is something your family will cherish for years.

Ready to give it a shot? Here are some places to start:

• How I Podcast
• My Podast Setup: Home Edition
• How I Podcast 2009 Version
• How To Get Your Podcast Online
• 6 tips For Starting A Hobby Podcast
• 7 Ways To Convince Your Wife To Podcast
• 50 Podcast Resources I Use Every Week

If you end up getting a custom URl (like nlcast.com) consider using GoDaddy.com and the code podname121 to save a few bucks!

After many months of nagging on my part, Jennifer, co-host of the popular marriage advice podcast, Geek Loves Nerd, has decided to start blogging. Her contribution?

We’ve always had an “Ask Jenn” segment on the podcast. The only downside to it is that listeners had to wait a week or maybe more to get the answer to their question. Starting Monday, Jenn’s going to be responding  to these questions right here on the website.

Jennifer will answer questions about parenting, marriage, hobbies, or whatever you can throw at her.

Email such things to geeklovesnerd@gmail.com

I don’t care what anyone says… there is a huge difference between boys and girls.

In case you missed anything. Here are this week’s post in order of popularity:

The Foolish Farmer (To Get Love, Give Love)
There was once a Farmer. A foolish man indeed.
He was angry at his crops for staying in their seeds.
He needed food so badly; himself, his wife, and daughter.
The plants refused to grow so he refused them any water.
– James Kennison

Selflessness: The Key TO Fulfillment in Marriage
Most folks will tell you that in a marriage each person has got to give, 50/50. Though it does take two to make it work… true love actually means each person is giving 100% of themselves to the other, independent of what they may or may not receive in return. It is only through selflessness that both are truly fulfilled.

A Selfless Marriage Trains Your Children
One of the greatest benefits of selflessness in a marriage is the example it gives to others. When those others are living in the house with you, share your last name, and look like the both of you (aka your children) the impression is far greater than we can imagine.

Sacrificial Love
I’m learning more and more that getting along with a spouse is less about compromise and more about sacrifice. Compromise means neither person really gets what they want or need from the situation. The goal is to keep the peace and make the issue go away. Sacrifice means someone is giving up what is good for them for the good of the other. Ouch.

Podcast: Show 50 – Our 13th Anniversary
Join Jenn and James on their 13th Anniversary Date… plus a special guest.

Follow us on Twitter: @nlcast & @jkennison

Join Jenn and James on their 13th Anniversary Date… plus a special guest.

One of the greatest benefits of selflessness in a marriage is the example it gives to others. When those others are living in the house with you, share your last name, and look like the both of you (aka your children) the impression is far greater than we can imagine.

Here’s a fact. Children will grow up, and if they marry, they will choose someone exactly like their father (boys) or mother (girls). I have seen this trend almost without exception. Even in the case where the father was absent. I blame traits passed on from mother to daughter in that case. If mom picked badly, daughter will learn that from mom.

If we want our kids to have a great marriage, we’ve got to model it for them. Dads… want your daughter to choose a great guy? Be a great man! What your son to learn how to treat his wife? Model that behavior by treating his mother with respect (and demanding he do the same).

Seems like a lot of work. Not really. If we can focus on being selfless, sacrificial spouses, as the Bible says, “All these things will be added unto you.” Being a great natural example is a side-effect of a great marriage.

Men, when we love our wives properly, we’re teaching our sons how to do it and our daughters what to demand. Wives, when you love your husband properly you’re teaching your sons that inner goodness is rewarded, not an outward image and your daughters that a lasting love is the only thing worth giving herself to.

Comments? Feedback? Is anyone even reading this crizzle? Leave a comment for the love!

I’m learning more and more that getting along with a spouse is less about compromise and more about sacrifice. Compromise means neither person really gets what they want or need from the situation. The goal is to keep the peace and make the issue go away. Sacrifice means someone is giving up what is good for them for the good of the other. Ouch.

Compromise happens when both are to selfish to give the other what they want. The result is no one is happy. No one has their needs met completely and the marriage begins a downward spiral where both spouses are passively positioning themselves to recover lost emotional resources.

Sacrifice means that someone in the relationship has got to be the most willing to stuffer for the other’s good. I’m not talking about a spineless person who always gives in and hates it the entire time. Sacrifice is willingly and lovingly giving up your rights… and that changes everything.

In the Bible the concept of sacrifice is perfectly summarized, “I will not sacrifice to the Lord that which costs me nothing”. Sacrifice isn’t sacrificial unless it costs. When it’s done right, it’s one of the ultimate displays of love.

Not all sacrifices are huge. The little ones are often the most hard to do anyway. Going to Panera with the wife instead of dragging her to Red Robin. Taking the kids on the weekend mornings so she can sleep in. Doing more than your share of housework.

Another concept I’d like to expose you to, “You can’t out-give God”. The idea is that you can never go wrong giving time, finances, etc to God because He is always giving beyond what we could ever repay. I think wives are the same way. I know for a fact that I can’t out-give Jenn. My sacrifices pale in comparison to the things she has given up over the years to make our family work. Not to mention the daily sacrifices. Countless. I owe her my best. I will love sacrificially.

There was once a Farmer. A foolish man indeed.
He was angry at his crops for staying in their seeds.
He needed food so badly; himself, his wife, and daughter.
The plants refused to grow so he refused them any water.
– James Kennison

I wrote that up to illustrate how the Golden Rule applies to marriage. Firstly, what is the Golden Rule? Do to others what you would have them do to you. Or you could say, treat others how you want to be treated. In the context of marriage you’d say, love your spouse the way you want them to love you.

How many spouses who need to be loved by a husband or wife are like that Farmer? Like the Farmer wants food from a plant he won’t water, they hold back their love and will only give it on the condition that their spouse loves them first. Our goal may be to show a spouse it feels… to give them a taste of their own medicine… but in doing so we’re actually robbing them of the resources they need to even consider giving love in the first place.

If you’ve been holding back hoping to show a souse how it feels… consider changing your tactic and incorporating the Golden Rule into your relationship. Give before it’s given. Treat the other how they should be treating you. Love them how you want to be loved by them. It’ll take time to see the results, just like a seed takes time to grow and produce fruit. Just don’t expect fruit from a seed you won’t water.

Most folks will tell you that in a marriage each person has got to give, 50/50. Though it does take two to make it work… true love actually means each person is giving 100% of themselves to the other, independent of what they may or may not receive in return. It is only through selflessness that both are truly fulfilled.

So many marriages today fail because we expect our spouse to fill a void in our lives… to make us happy… and we then hate them when they don’t or can’t. The marriage was doomed for failure from very the beginning because we weren’t going into it to give our love… but to receive it.

There’s a timeless principal in the universe: It is more blessed to give than to receive. It is one of the last undisputed truths in the world. It holds true both on Christmas morning and in our marriages. Fulfillment doesn’t come from getting what you need… but in giving what you are to someone else. Because in giving ourselves completely, we by default open ourselves up, showing who we are and where are true needs are. And because we are giving selflessly, it sparks the same response in them (eventually) and our needs are met by default.

We’re really just talking about unconditional love here. One of the most impossible things for a human to give in life… but one of the only things that will keep a marriage thriving. We’re afraid to give it because all to often it is abused before it is appreciated. It’s abused because it must be tested. And tested before it can be trusted. Hang in there. Give love to your spouse unconditionally and it will do it’s work. True love never fails.

But what about my needs? Give and it will be given to you. Do for others and it will be done for you. Meet their needs and your needs will be met. Any other way leads to complete misery.

10 Ways To Do Father’s Day Right

Father’s Day is coming up. It’s got to be one of the most downplayed events of the year. The role of the father has been devalued in our culture to the point that virtually no one feels it’s an occasion worth celebrating at all…

25 Random Things I Love About My Wife
Let’s start a new meme… one that will actually do some good. I loved “25 Random Things About Me” as much as the next guy… but what could be better than bragging on our spouses?

Parenting Is Setting The Example, And Scary
A wise man once said, “At first a kid will do what you say… but then they’ll do what you do.” A scary thought huh. It means that properly raising your child is more than modifying bad habits and behaviors in your child… it’s also becoming the person you want you child to become yourself.

Show 48 – How To Fight With Your Spouse
A conversation about fighting and arguing. Helpful tips to keep both of you from killing each other.

Show 49 – About Debt
Let’s talk about debt baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things debt can be. Let’s talk about debt. Let’s talk about debt.

The other day someone asked me via Twitter for a list of video games that Jenn and I have played together. There’s nothing like bonding over video games!

Wii

• Guitar Hero III
• Boom Blox
• Wii Sports

XBox 360

• Rock Band II
• Peggle
• Castle Crashers
• Fable II
• Lego Batman

Do you have any excellent 2 player, wife-friendly games to add to the list? Post them in the comments.

Let’s talk about debt baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things debt can be. Let’s talk about debt. Let’s talk about debt.

I believe that the only thing more important than a parent involving themselves in their child’s life is that same parent involving the child in their own life. We’ve already talked about how much children want to emulate their parents. I wanted to show one of several ways I let my daughter join me where I am and participate in my adult world. Enjoy.

Let’s start a new meme… one that will actually do some good. I loved “25 Random Things About Me” as much as the next guy… but what could be better than bragging on our spouses?

1. She’s the cutest wife ever.
2. She does a podcast with me.
3. She let’s me do podcasts.
4. She is an awesome mother.
5. She’s a great wife.
6. She keeps herself in shape.
7. She’s a great cook.
8. Other people are impressed by her. They actually think more of me because I’m married to her.
9. She’s very disciplined.
10. She has great hair.
11. She doesn’t decorate our bedroom with girly flower prints and such.
12. Sometimes she doesn’t fall asleep while we’re watching movies.
13. She helps me in my ministry.
14. She smells good.
15. Once in a while she’ll play Xbox with me.
16. She thinks I look good.
17. She trusts God with our life and future.
18. She doesn’t talk bad about me to her friends.
19. She works hard to make the best of bad situations.
20. She dresses the kids very well. They never look like trailer babies.
21. She wakes me up nice every morning.
22. She has a great personality.
23. The way she’ll turn her head away so I won’t see her smiling at something I said… that she wants to find annoying, but can’t help but laugh at.
24. She is aware of her issues and strives to compensate for them… rather than being defensive and sensitive.
25. Who needs a reason? She’s amazing!

A wise man once said, “At first a kid will do what you say… but then they’ll do what you do.” A scary thought huh. It means that properly raising your child is more than modifying bad habits and behaviors in your child… it’s also becoming the person you want you child to become yourself.

I think this is why so many parents aren’t properly disciplining their children these days. They feel hypocritical correcting behavior in their children that they aren’t controlling in themselves.

It’s also the reason so many teens become super rebellious. They see an inconsistency between what they’ve always been told and how their parents have lived their lives. They lose respect for their authority figures and use it as an excuse to do their own thing their way.

Another wise man once presented me with a concept that change my life. He asked me about the condition of my life. My habits, my thought life and the condition of my spirit. I told him I was fine with all three. Then he asked me if I would wish any of the three on another person that I cared about. In that exact moment I realized that no part of my life was worth duplicating. I committed to improving myself physically, mentally and spiritually and it’s a good thing… because within a few years I was having my own children. Little lives that I was responsible for. Little personalities that were being shaped by my attitudes, outlooks and habits.

Ask yourself that question: “Is my life worth duplicating in my children?” And respond accordingly.

I only had kids because I was convinced they’d look like (and act like) their mom. Now we’ve got these little ‘mini-mee’s’ running around mimicking the behaviors and attributes of their less than cultured father. I feel for Jenn. I really do.

Father’s Day is coming up. It’s got to be one of the most downplayed events of the year. The role of the father has been devalued in our culture to the point that virtually no one feels it’s an occasion worth celebrating at all.

I believe the reasons for that are many. Any role that is abused by those who fill it is destined to be devalued. But there are many of us Dads out there who take their job very seriously and are darned good at it. We deserve a pat on the back.

With that in mind, here are a few ways you can make the Father in your life feel like a million bucks… without going broke.

10. Don’t ever refer to him as one of your children.

I’ve heard many a loving wife jokingly add one additional child to the total when they’re asked how many kids they have. “It’ll be nice when I get him raised,” they’ll say. Would you like it if he talked to his friends like that about you?

9. Let him overhear you talking him up.

This is the polar opposite of the last point. Rather than your husband catching you talking him down… how much will it pump him up to hear you talking good about him? We husbands are pretty simple. We rise or fall to the level you treat us like we’re at already. Treat your man like he’s a 10… pretty soon, he’ll start being an 11.

8. Bake something.

Seriously. Nothing says “I love you” like baking. Make cookies. A cake. Perhaps a peach cobbler. Heck, we’d settle for a banana putting with 3 boxes of vanilla wafers. If you’ll ask him nicely, I’m sure he’d agree to eat it all before you were tempted to do it yourself.

7. Give him some guilt-free time.

I know it may seem he already gets a lot of that already… but guilt-free free time is priceless and not the same as sneaking off to play video games. The more guilt-free time you give him… the less he’ll take from the family later on.

6. New Socks, Underwear and Undershirts.

Don’t wrap them up and give them to him. It’s embarrassing and underwhelming in that context. Buy them and put them in his drawer without saying a word. It’ll be a huge surprise the next morning to find a drawer full of fresh, unworn whites. Every man’s dream.

5. Watch one of his movies with him/Play one of this video games with him.

Men have an unsaid creed: “Love me, Love my stuff”. It’s true. If you really want to show him you care, offer to do some of his stuff with him. If it’s golf, have at it. Fishing? Put on the flannel shirt. Hunting? Bambie is doomed. Video games? Consider yourself lucky you’re not in the woods with that other wife gutting a Disney character.

4. Take him out to dinner.

It’s cliché but if the restaurant serves steak or giant hamburgers… he’s gonna love it. Just don’t have anyone come out and sing to him. This time… spring for appetizers and dessert.

3. Have the kids write notes rather than make cards.

Cards a good… but a note listing out what his kids think of him is even better. Tell the kids to write a list of their favorite things about dad. If they’re to little to write, write it for them as they dictate. If they’re super young, write it up as if they did it themselves. If they’re older be more specific and have them write several of their all time favorite memories over the past years. Then have them put that in a card if you want. He might cry.

2. Lots of hugs, kisses and compliments.

Your man is a lot more like you than you may think. He likes to be told he’s good looking, wonderful, hard-working, a good father and husband. He likes you to fawn over him. As an added bonus… with every kiss and hug, you’ll probably get a kiss and hug in return. It’s a good investment either way.

1. Good lovin’.

We’re all married adults here. You know what I’m talking about so do that… very well.

Several years ago I had an issue with one of my leaders in Children’s Ministry. It was over uniforms for a girls group. The group were supposed to be wearing them… but they weren’t even being offered uniforms by the group’s leadership. When I approached the leader I was told that the girls couldn’t afford the class A uniforms. I proposed that we go with a class B or even C option which would be a matching T-shirt with a sash for badges. This idea was whole-heartedly rejected by my leader.

Why? She wanted the class A uniforms and was willing to wait. It had been over 5 years at that point with no uniforms. It was time to admit something: that we were never going to have perfection. We needed to settle for (in her mind) something less… because it was better than nothing.

I’ve recently applied the lesson I learned from that experience to my marriage. I find that I have this perfect vision of what I want my family to be… and vision is a good thing don’t get me wrong. But it doesn’t make sense to stubbornly demand your vision at the expense of an obvious reality.

We may want our spouse to act or be a certain way. We have a vision for them… but what power do we have to change them? None! It may be time for us to adjust our ideas and accept something ‘less’ in order to ultimately get more from our relationships.

Our vision is probably not as ‘perfect’ anyway. We’re flawed people. Often our expectations of our spouses are based on overcompensations for some unmet need or emotional injury from our past. It’s ultimately very unfair to hold others to our own standards. It assumes to much in the first place… that we know exactly what everyone in the family needs to be happy.

Meanwhile, while we’re all waiting for that perfect dream… everyone’s miserable.

We can’t change people… but we can provide an atmosphere that instigates change. That atmosphere cannot be one of judgment and disapproval but rather one of unconditional love, understanding, selflessness and example setting. We aren’t settling for less… rather we’re improving our situation by accepting reality and making selfless, sacrificial adjustments from where we are now… which ultimately get is closer to where we need to be, rather than where we dreamed we’d be.

A conversation about fighting and arguing. Helpful tips to keep both of you from killing each other.

Join us in the chatroom!

Tonight’s show will feature conversations and tips on how to fight with your spouse productively. Does that even make sense? Our goal will be to lay out ways to disagree without losing your mind, damaging household furniture, walls or your marriage.

We’re looking for your input. If you have any stories, fighting tips, questions or input of any kind, email us now at geeklovesnerd@gmail.com or call today at (206) 600-5704.

One of my buddies, who happens to be a fellow pastor at my church, has started blogging. He posted an article today listing a few tips for soon-to-be-grooms. Enjoy and give Fel (cool name… he’s Filipino) some feedback… on spelling.

Advise To A Soon To Be Groom

Jenn and James offer advice on surviving your first year of marriage and other pre marriage questions. Plus, your voice mail and emails.

You can find The First Year of Marriage, Part 1 here.

James and Jenn discuss their latest shared addiction, Plants vs. Zombies. They go through every detail of the game offering tips, tricks and helpful hits to help you get the zombies off your lawn.

Check out the game (free demo).

Download the song.

Check out the GLN parody comic.

I did this one just to see my wife smile. If you don’t get the joke… check this out. And this.

So often I find myself in a position where I have to use the truth to tell a lie. All of the things I tell my wife are always true. She is beautiful. She does look thin. Her hair is great… but somehow I still feel like I’m saying it just to stay out of trouble… which feels the same as lying when I was a kid to stay out of trouble.

I blame her.

Recorded LIVE at the SFLC Marriagability Conference in Kansas City, Missouri. James and Jenn discuss ways to turn incompatibilities and negatives into positives in marriages.

It’s hard to exaggerate some of these… because I’ve seen folks with many more of those bracelets than I drew on that guy.

I’ll probably take a small break from the non-geeks after this one. I will be finishing… I just want to do something else for a while.

I think some folks are mis-interpreting this latest series. These are folks that I DO NOT consider to be true Geeks. I have no doubt that folks out there are passionate about some of these things (Candle Geek) but that does not, in this artist’s opinion, necessarily make them a geek.

Recorded LIVE at the SFLC Marriagability Conference in Kansas City, Missuri. We discuss practical ways to weave faith into our children’s lives.

Jenn and I were thrilled to be a part of the Sheffield Family Life Center Marriageability Conference today in Kansas City. We did two sessions, each were recorded as a live podcast. It was the first time doing the show in front of a ’studio’ audience… but it was a blast. The peoeple really seemed to enjoy it… and so did Jenn and I. We’ll be releasing both sessions as Show 44 and 45 in the GLN feed, fyi.

Here are a few pictures (exactly three) a friend was kind enough to snap for us. (Thanks Steph for the additional pics!)

For more info: The Marriageability Conference

The Accounting Geek was the one that started it all. Jenn said it could be… I say it can’t. Some will probably argue with me about the Candle Geek… but again, just because you’re really into candles doesn’t make you a candle geek… it just makes you a geek with candles.