the Chutkule

Jhonny jokes - Pray to God

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 17:56:00 +0000

Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.

Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!"

Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"

Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.

He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress."

Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."

Adult jokes - Ladies toilet

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 17:45:00 +0000

Tags: chicago,hospital,ladiespleasure

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA, PP, and a red one labeled APR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.

What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the APR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the APR button.

'The button APR is an Automatic Pad Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'

Santabanta jokes - Vegiterian Chicken

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 17:05:00 +0000

Tags: santabanta jokes,catholic,church

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara, you are a potato and tomato"!

Jokes - Short Jokes

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:04:00 +0000

Tags: short jokes,marriage,millionare

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

**********

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

**********

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

**********

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "Billionaire"

**********

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

**********

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor.

Jokes - Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 16:00:00 +0000

Tags: Doctors,bartenders,Psychiatrists

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under

my bed at night.. So I went to a shrink and told him . . . 'I've got

problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it.

I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink.

'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of

those fears..'

'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the

Doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see

me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!

A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that

I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'

SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!

Humor - 20-20 rules in exams

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 10:40:00 +0000

Tags: examination,cheer girls

1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hr and marks to 50.

2. Introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.

3. Give free hit, that is a chance for students to frame their own questions and write answers.

4. 1st 15 minutes power play, that is no invigilator in the exam hall. ( everyone will love this....!!!)

5. Introduce fair play awards.

6.Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answer written....! !!

Joke - Work Vs Prision

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 17:27:00 +0000

Tags: Workshop,Prision,salary

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.

AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON you get three meals a day (free).

AT WORK you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.

IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.

IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.

AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON you get your own toilet.

AT WORK you have to share.

IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK you can not even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.

AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

IN PRISON you spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside wanting to get out.

AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

Jhonny jokes - 5 dollars

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 11:42:00 +0000

Tags: newspaper,dollars,sex

Little Johnny is delivering newspapers.

He knocks on a door and says to the lady, "I'm collecting today... that'll be five dollars."

She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but I'll gladly give you some great sex instead."

Little Johnny agrees, "All right."

He walks in and the lady undoes his pants and pulls them down. To her surprise, she sees the biggest penis she's ever seen.

Little Johnny then reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls out a handful of washers, and begins sliding them onto his penis.

The lady says, "You don't have to do that... I can take all of it."

"Not for five bucks, you can't," replies Little Johnny.

Jokes - Professionals on camping trip

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 16:31:00 +0000

Tags: MBA,Planet,Stars

A MBA (professional) and a MIT (Professional) go on a camping trip, set up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the MIT wakes his MBA friend. "look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time ! wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The MIT is silent for a moment, then speaks.

Pictures - Sexy babe on diet

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:24:00 +0000

Tags: Diet,girls

Adult humor - 16 funny lines

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 16:12:00 +0000

Tags: memory,condom,husband,wife

1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory.

I am not able to remember, what did I choose?

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

3. My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

6. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men

-'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together == 'don't stop'!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

7. Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

8. There are three stages to sex in a person's life:

Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

9. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good

hand.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

10. Q : What's an Australian kiss?

A : The same thing as a French kiss, only down under

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

11. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.

He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

12. Q : What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? (The best one )

A : Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

13. Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence.

Johnny: Her mouth said no, but "her ass meant" yes.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

14. Q : What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A : A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

15. Q : Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A : Breasts don't have eyes.......

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

16. Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed",

Many men still sleep with their wives!

Adult jokes - donkey laugh

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:49:00 +0000

Tags: Donkey,humor

There was one time two friends sitting next to a tree eating their lunch until one friend asks the other, "Hey you see that donkey far away.." and the other friend replies... "yeah I see it." "I bet you 100 bucks, I can make that donkey laugh.. the other friend replies.. "go ahead I bet that money you cant do that". So the friend goes where the donkey was eating his food, approaches to him and lift the donkey's ear and whispers in it.. and the donkey started laughing.. so the other friend loses his money.. in the next 5 min the friend asks the other friend again.. "I bet you 100 bucks more I make the donkey cry".. so he does and the other friend approaches to the donkey and lifts his ear and whispers in it again.. then donkey started to cry... he goes back and the other friend asks: "how did you do that"? his friend replies, easy! "the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his.. "and he laughed.. and the "second time I showed to him..."

Adult Jokes - Divorce

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 06:52:00 +0000

Tags: divorce,women,girlfriend

A little girl and her mother were shopping. The girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Mommy says Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life."

The girl then asks, "Mommy. How much do you weigh?" Mommy says, That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you are grown up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get divorced?" Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything."

The little girl and her mother are shopping again. The girl says, "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." Mommy is very shocked! She asks "Sweetheart how did you do that?" The girl shrugs and says, "I just know, and I know how much you weigh. You weigh 120 pounds." The mother is flabbergasted. She asks, "Where did you learn that?" The little girl says, "I just know, that's all, and I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

Husband wife jokes - Honeymoon

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 16:45:00 +0000

Tags: marriage,honeymoon,lovemaking

An elderly gentleman married a girl in her early twenties. The wedding went fine and they left on their honeymoon.

The elderly gentleman didn't get right with the program, so he was in a bad mood that night. The young wife felt that he was probably tired and let him sleep for a while.

A couple of hours later being excited for having sex, she decided that this had gone on long enough, but wanted not to appear over anxious and let him be the one in charge. She woke the old fellow up.

"What is the matter", he asked. She replied "This side of the bed is too hard, I want to lay on your side." He got up and walked around the bed, got in on her side and went to sleep.

A few minutes later she was starting to really want to consummate things. She awoke him again. "What now?" He asked. She said, "You know I think I was wrong, maybe that side is more comfortable let me lie on that side." Again he got up walked around, got in, and went to sleep. By this time, she was really ready to make hard, passionate sex.

She really didn't care at this point how it would appear to him. She awoke him again and said, "No, I was wrong your side is more comfortable. Instead of getting up, why don't you just crawl over me and I will scoot across the bed?" He started over and she stopped him right on top and held him.

"Now, do you know what I really want?", she asked.

He replied, "YEAH, YOU WANT THE WHOLE DAMNED BED, BUT YOU AREN'T GOING TO GET IT!"

Videos - Boys will be boys

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 09:44:00 +0000

Tags: Boys,girls,babe

Videos - Listen to me

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 07:05:00 +0000

Tags: Gags

Jokes - 100 camels

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 06:54:00 +0000

Tags: United States,camels,Arab women,Olive

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them arm loaded with belts.

After an impassioned sales talk that yielded no results, the arab asked where they were from.

"America," the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded.

"She's not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?"

"Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered..... "I'll give you 100 camels for her."

The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "she's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

Humor - BIHAR RTO APPLIKASON PHAROM FOR DL

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 15:03:00 +0000

Tags: Driving License,Bihar

STATE of BIHAR > DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHAROM

*******************************************************

NOTE : If you dont know the answers, please copy from another applikason phorom and submit.

For further instructions, see bottom applikason. Please do not shoot the person at the applikason kounter. He will give you the lisence immediately.

a.. Last name

a.. (Yadav/Sinha/Pandey/Mishra/do not know)

b.. Phust name:

a.. (_) Ramprasad

b.. (_) Lakhan

c.. (_) Sivaprasad

d.. (_) Jamnaprasad

e.. (_) Dont know

f.. (Check appropriate box)

c.. Age:

a.. (_) Less than zero

b.. (_) Zero

c.. (_) Greater than zero

d.. (_) Don't know

d.. Sex:

a.. ____ M _____ F _____ not sure _____ not applicable

e.. Chappal Size:

a.. ____ Left ____ Right

f.. Occupassan :

(_) Politician

(_) Doodhwala

(_) Pehelwaan

(_) House wife

(_) Un-employed

g.. Bhife Name: __________________________

h.. Relationship with Bhife :

(_) Sister

(_) Brother

(_) Aunt

(_) Uncle

(_) Cousin

(_) Mother

(_) Father

(_) Son

(_) Daughter

(_) Pet

i.. Number of children living in household: ___

Number that are yours: ___

j.. Mother's Name: _______________________

k.. Phather's Name: _______________________

l.. Heducasson : 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

m.. Do you (_)own or (_)rent your home? (Check appropriate box)

n.. ___ Total number of vehicles you own

___ Number of vehicles that still crank

___ Number of vehicles in front yard

___ Number of vehicles in back yard

___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

o.. Firearms you own and where you keep them:

____ truck

____ bedroom

____ bathroom

____ kitchen

____ shed

p.. Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

q.. Do you have a gun rack? (_)Yes (_) No; If no, please explain:

r.. Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

(_) Champak

(_) Indrajal

(_) Star and style

(_) The great Bihar Dairy

(_) Blank sheets

s.. ___ Number of times you've SHOT a UFO

t.. ___ Number of times you've SHOT another person exactly like you

u.. ___ Number of times you've SHOT yourself.(SHOOTING YOURSELF IN MIRROR IS POOR SHOOTING)

v.. Do you bathe?

(_) Yes

(_) No

(_) Not applicable

w.. If yes, how often do you bathe?

(_) Weekly

(_) Monthly

(_) Yearly

x.. Color of teeth:

(_) Yellow

(_) Brownish-Yellow

(_) Brown

(_) Black

(_) Others - Give exact color (call nearest Asian Paints dealer if U dont know the color of your teeth)

(_) Not applicable

y.. How far is your home from a paved road?

(_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know

____________________

Your thumb impresson

(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression.

PLEASE DO NOT USE FINGERS OF YOUR LEGS.

Use thumb on your left hand only. If you dont have left hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on left hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.)

For instructions to fill this applikason pharom, see beginning of applikason phorom.

Ishmile and have a Nice Day every day !

Pictures - What's your problum

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:21:00 +0000

Tags: Animals,dogs,cats

Humor - 20 great oneliners

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:07:00 +0000

Tags: Marriage,school

1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.

5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.

9. True friends stab you in the front.

10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books

Blonde jokes - Capitol building

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 17:25:00 +0000

Tags: washingtonDC,Capitol building,police

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions -

"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,

Sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now...

The 45th bus just went by!"

Humor - Top 9 classifieds

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:49:00 +0000

Tags: Auto,teacher,dog

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.

3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Humor - Laws

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:33:00 +0000

Tags: Queue,telephone,workshop,theorem,result,biomechanics,coffee

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Humor - top 10 marriage comandments

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:56:00 +0000

Tags: marriage,husband,wife

1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.

2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.

3. Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.

But the law allows only one wife.

9. Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.

10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Santabanta jokes - Air india

santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com (santoshpandey1978@rediffmail.com) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 15:58:00 +0000

Tags: meal,airindia,american

Santa was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.

When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, Santa declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!"

So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, Santa began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food.

"Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.

Santa picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"

Then Santa took out several pieces of chappatis and started feasting.

"And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.

"Wheat of India!" replied Santa proudly.

Finally, Santa took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.

"What is it?" asked the American.

"Sweets of India!" replied Santa.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud 'Pooooooooot!' sound (fart) from Santa.

"What was that?" asked the American, holding his nose in disgust.

Santa replied coolly, "That's Air India."