I never realized how important the subject of inclusion is for special-needs children until I had to fight to get my daughter, Jaimie, into public school. Parents need to understand what inclusion is, what is involved in the process, and what to do if you want to set your child up for success in a public-school setting.

Inclusion: What It Is and What It Isn’t

In the 1970s, mainstreaming emerged as a way for special-needs children to join their peers in regular classrooms. These children received services suited to their individual needs and supported by individual programming based on their Individual Education Plan (IEP). The only problem was that integration/mainstreaming sought to change the children to fit into an existing system. That’s where inclusion differs. Inclusion puts the child with special needs in the least restrictive environment with maximum social integration. The focus is to change the system to suit the child’s individual needs and strengths.

It’s not as easy as it sounds, however. Like many other people, I understood the “why” of inclusive schooling but misunderstood the “how.”

Making Inclusion Work

In order to make inclusion work, everyone involved must work as a team. Many teachers support the philosophy of inclusion but lack the skills, support, or patience to take responsibility for the children in their classrooms. Some have been teaching for decades and aren’t willing to change how they carry out their curriculums. And school principals or other higher-ups may not understand enough about a specific disorder or disease to ensure that a child has everything he or she needs to be successful.

Even with all the information I provided our school principal about SPD and how it affects Jaimie, he still told me he couldn’t register her in kindergarten because of her age. (We’d kept Jaimie back an extra year because she wasn’t able to handle the social aspects of school at five years old.) Jaimie barely made it through a preschool class two mornings a week, and he wanted to put her in all-day class in grade one! After a lot of meetings, phone calls to Jaimie’s psychiatrist and psychologist, and her dad calling the head of Edmonton public schools, Jaimie was enrolled in kindergarten with her aide and the resources she needed.

The point is that in order for inclusion to work, every person involved with the child must be on the same page and agree to see the situation through the others’ perspectives. What I’ve discovered is that the idea of inclusion closely follows the expression “It takes a village to raise a child.” Inclusion involves open-mindedness and the willingness to do things a bit differently. Yes, it can be difficult at times. Yes, it requires assessments and re-assessments, but in the end, it’s worth it if the child involved excels.

Educate, Communicate, and Participate

When fighting to get Jaimie into school, I remembered the above three words from an SPD book I’d read. I thought, “This totally describes what parents need to do to ensure their child’s success with inclusion.” Principals and other education higher-ups are responsible for getting the resources; community support helps with the funding and providing the resources; teachers and assistants are responsible for the curriculum; and parents must be that squeaky wheel making sure those other people are doing their part. Here’s how:

1. Educate
This means educating ourselves about our child’s disease or disorder and everything he or she will need to thrive in school. Then we relay that information to everyone who will be involved with the child and who funds or provides the resources. We also must educate ourselves and others about our children as individuals, because they are more than a disease or disorder. They are each unique people with their own personalities, characteristics, strengths, and talents. All of that must be taught to help the child succeed.

2. Communicate
Before Jaimie started school, I had a meeting with the vice principal, her kindergarten teacher, and the representatives from the community services who’d provide Jaimie with her resources. Those representatives come to the classroom around report-card times to re-assess Jaimie’s needs and to make any appropriate changes to her IEP. That way, they’re on top of what Jaimie needs, what’s working for her (and what isn’t), and they can decide what other resources she needs.

It’s important for parents to be involved with this process, too. Teachers, aides, and others involved with Jaimie need to understand her home life and how things at school affect her at home and vice versa. I have biweekly meetings with Jaimie’s teacher, her aide, and the funding representatives so that we can brainstorm strategies, tactics, and struggles. I also let the teacher know what Jaimie’s night was like and how it may affect her day, and she lets me know how Jaimie’s day was at school so I understand how to help her at home. Communication is crucial to success. If those involved with the child aren’t talking to one another, it’s the child who suffers.

Participate

In addition to the meetings, participation also means parents should do what they can to strengthen the connection between home and school environments. In our situation, participation means engaging Jaimie in activities that give her the sensory “nutrition” she needs. It also means helping Jaimie use those activities—whether at school or at home—to help make new experiences fun for her. For example, we have various coping strategies we use for Jaimie at home when she’s overstimulated. We’ve shared some of these activities with her teacher, who uses a variation of them in the classroom. This balance and connection makes Jaimie more at ease, calmer, and more able to stay focused.

Each successful baby step Jaimie has made in school tells me we’re going in the right direction. And through education, communication, and participation, I’ll continue to make sure things stay on track.

[Photo by LeonidMamchenkov]

No related posts.

The first time I saw the commercials where young girls were saying, “Tell someone,” it brought tears to my eyes. Finally, I thought, finally there’s attention being brought to HPV and its connection to cervical cancer. Girls need to have this information and understand what they can do to help prevent contracting this disease.

Women are very lucky in these modern times—not only to have access to life-saving information, but also to a vaccine to help fight this potentially deadly virus. Even just 20 years ago—when I contracted HPV, which led to cervical cancer—women didn’t have such protection. And I, for one, would have been so grateful to have it.

The Beginning of My Story

Admittedly, I was extremely naïve about sex, contraception and the ugliness of STDs. I held on to my virginity until I was in my late teens. Then I believed that by going on the pill, I was already protected from the scariest thing that could result from sex–pregnancy. I knew what STDs were but never thought I could get one.

When I was 18, I got into my first relationship with a guy I adored and trusted. We never used condoms, and I never thought to ask. I figured that I was on the pill and I was monogamous, so I was safe. But after a few months, he proved me wrong. He’d been cheating on me with a girl well known for her promiscuity. I was hurt and ended the relationship…but my problems were only beginning.

The First Signs

A few months after I broke up with him, I started feeling ill. In addition to flu-like symptoms, my periods were more painful and heavier than usual. It was like a never-ending yeast infection. I ignored the symptoms, figuring the problem would disappear on its own. It didn’t.

After several months of discomfort, I finally got myself to a women’s walk-in clinic and found out I had genital warts. Because I’d ignored my symptoms for so long, the tiny, cauliflower-shaped bumps covered my genitals and spread up inside my vagina. Some were even infected.

The doctor explained to me that the warts were a highly contagious STD only contracted through sexual contact. She said they were treatable, but that I needed many treatments over several months. The warts on the outside were “burned off” with a thick, brown acid, while the ones inside needed more aggressive treatment to make sure they didn’t spread further onto my cervix.

Treatment

I went for treatments for almost a year before all the warts were gone and the new ones destroyed. I was instructed to abstain from sex (not that sex was appealing to me at that point anyway) because my body was still “shedding” the warts. In other words, I was still contagious and could give the warts to someone else. Not once during any of those treatment sessions did the doctor tell me those warts could have been carrying the HPV virus.

Not only did I have to deal with being cheated on by someone I trusted and loved, but I also had a monthly reminder of what he gave me: every treatment, every scraping, and every painful recovery time.

After my wart treatments ended, I still didn’t feel well. I still had cramping and heavy bleeding. I wrote the cramping and bleeding off as post-treatment recovery. It took another year before I went to an OB/GYN and had tests, including scrapings of my cervical tissue. Within a few days, I was given the devastating news that I had cervical cancer.

After the Shock

In a nutshell, the warts I contracted were of the type that carried HPV. If I’d had regular examinations, the abnormal cells on my cervix never would have developed into cancer. I was lucky, though, because with several laser treatments and some medication, the cancer was gone, and—aside from one recurrence scare—it hasn’t returned in 15 years.

I’m turning 39 this year, and I see life through different lenses. In retrospect, there are so many things I could’ve done differently to avoid the pain, humiliation, and fear I endured. But I look at it this way: if I hadn’t gone through what I did, I wouldn’t be here now teaching through experience.

The tears I shed from the “Tell someone” commercials and learning about the vaccine that girls have access to now were truly tears of joy. Today, girls have information at their fingertips. They can ask questions freely without shame, and they’ll be protected in ways I only wished I could have been.

My Story Now

With three girls of my own—and a little boy who’ll be taught to respect women—I plan to have an open, honest dialogue with them about sex, STDs, and what they can do to protect themselves from harm. It’s not just getting pregnant girls have to worry about these days; they can actually die without being responsible and knowledgeable. I don’t plan to let that happen to my girls. And if they’re offered the vaccine, I’ll support their decision to get it if they choose to get it.

I know now more than ever that we go through certain things in life for a reason. I can’t change what happened to me, but I can use the experience to enlighten and help this powerful movement to bring issues like STDs and HPV into light.

Reach out, be open, and for God’s sake, tell someone. You could save a life.

For more information on HPV, start your research here.

[Photo by Julianne.hide]

No related posts.

When my daughter Jaimie was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) almost four years ago, we tried different therapies and treatments to find what worked best for her. Drug therapy on a toddler wasn’t something we considered–instead, we turned to holistic, natural therapies. The most important of these was a “brain-friendly” diet.

Feeding the Brain

Because SPD is a neurological disorder, it’s important to make sure children who have it get a lot of healthy brain food, including “good” fats such as omega-3s. All children need healthy brain foods, of course, but they’re essential for children with SPD for three important reasons:

1. The brain is 60% fat.
If we don’t give the brain healthy fats, it’ll get them any way it can, and that’s when we turn to the naughty saturated fats. Children with neurological disorders such as autism and SPD are especially susceptible to the temptations of junk food because their brains crave fats, but they don’t always choose the best ones.

2. Many children with SPD have a tendency to avoid foods due to their increased sensitivity to smell and texture.
This can lead to missing the crucial vitamins, minerals, and fats their tiny brains need to cope with their symptoms. Learning how to sneak those brain foods into their fussy diets is another challenge!

3. Nutritionists who specialize in SPD have discussed how making simple but important changes to diet can dramatically reduce sensory symptoms.

Keeping all that in mind, here—in no particular order—are the most important foods one should try to include in the diet of a child with SPD:

1. Oily fish such as wild salmon, mackerel, and tuna. These fish are all packed with DHA (docosahexanoic acid—try to say that five times!), which is one of the best forms of omega-3s.

2. Nuts, especially almonds, are a great source of fats, vitamins (B and E), and minerals (magnesium), which makes them excellent for the brain’s gray matter. In layman’s terms, gray matter is an essential component of the central nervous system, which helps in the routing of sensory and motor messages throughout the body. The main target of SPD is the nervous system, particularly the autonomic system. So get those children nutty about nuts (if there’s no allergy, of course).

3. Berries like blueberries and strawberries contain antioxidants and help with coordination, memory, and cognition. Sneak those luscious berries in a smoothie with some flaxseed oil for a tasty, brain-powered snack!

4. Veggies containing antioxidants, such as bell peppers and broccoli, are also beneficial. Yes, even children without sensory sensitivities protest broccoli, but try it with cheese or healthy dips!

5. Yogurt contains tyrosine, which is known to give you a little pick-up and increase mental awareness. Greek yogurt is best if you want to avoid the extra sugar found in the flavored sorts. You can always add a child’s favorite fruit for more flavor.

6. Beans are an excellent source of B vitamins and fiber. When mashed up, they can be a great addition to sauces, dips, and soups.

7. Flax seeds and flaxseed oil are fantastic sources of omega-3s. The seeds take some getting used to, but the oil can be mixed in with muffins, cookies, smoothies, and other treats.

8. “Smart” oils like walnut, flaxseed, olive, and avocado are all excellent sources of omega-3s. Cook with them and make salad dressings or dips with them. They all have a strong taste, however, and a child with a more sensitive palate may need to get used to them.

9. Eggs contain a nutrient called choline. Choline is needed to create acetylcholine, which is good for memory. Jaimie doesn’t like the texture of eggs, but we add omega-3 rich eggs to her muffins, pancakes, and other baked treats.

10. Tempeh is a fermented soybean cake similar to tofu. It sounds gross, and you’ll definitely have to disguise it in other things, but it is such an awesome source of protein and B12. The great thing is that it absorbs the flavor of whatever you cook it with, so try adding it to stews, soups, or stir-frys.

Overcoming the Challenge

The biggest challenge in our house has been coaxing Jaimie to try new things. Her palate is so sensitive that she’s thrown up right at the table simply because something didn’t feel right on her tongue. For the longest time, her diet consisted of plain pasta, green apples, and bagels. More recently, we’ve gotten her to try muffins, homemade pasta sauce, chicken, and even pizza—all of which we’ve tweaked in one way or another.

Patience is the key. Baby steps, high-fives, and lots of encouragement will inch things along. I consider any meal where Jaimie tries even just a lick of something new a huge success. And don’t forget about the best bonus–you’ll eat healthier, too! What could be better than that?

[Photo by StephenCummings]

Related posts:

1. 10 Cheap But Healthy Foods We all hope the economy's going to bulk up...
2. Diet Without Feeling Hungry With Some Simple Tips The biggest problem with dieting is the constant hunger...
3. The Benefits of Weekly Meal Planning It’s 5:00, the kids are breaking down, and they...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Living in sin. Shacking up. Getting the milk for free.

Those of us living common-law have all heard these expressions at one time or another. My partner’s grandmother still can’t bring herself to verbalize our sinful living arrangements and says to him at the end of every telephone conversation, “You know, you can get a judge to come right to the house to perform the ceremony these days.”

To clarify, Steve and I are engaged—and have been for the last six years. We just keep having little things (like babies, their special needs, a lack of money, etc.) get in the way of our planning process. But, like Steve’s grandmother, there are people out there who neither agree with nor acknowledge our relationship as legit.

Are We Married?

“Marriage-like”–not a marriage. Even though some people (and angry grandmas) may not believe in common-law relationships, some legal entities do consider Steve and I married. That’s right! After a year of living together, we were considered spouses…at least for some purposes. Confused?

According to JP Boyd’s BC Family Law Resource, being common-law qualifies us for specific benefits or obligations, mostly for tax purposes. Examples are health coverage, employee spousal benefits, and contracts, like mortgages. JP Boyd states, “The question that should be at the front of your mind is: ‘Do I qualify as a common-law partner for the purpose of _________ legislation?’”

Essentially, married couples are always considered spouses, whereas the definition of common-law couples depends on the specific Act. For example, federal laws don’t consider common-law couples to be spouses because there has been no legally binding ceremony. We’re considered “common-law partners” after a year of living together. Provincial laws, however, consider both married couples and common-law partners who’ve lived together for at least two years “spouses.” That’s something I didn’t realize until I tried applying for Alberta health-care benefits after moving from Manitoba only to be told, “Don’t worry about it, love. You are covered under your husband’s work benefits.”

Really it’s simply a tidy way to categorize these couples to make the paperwork easier for the government.

Be Smart; Be Prepared

Breaking up is both hard and easy to do. One misconception about common-law relationships is that if things don’t work out, we take what we brought in and make a clean break—just like roommates. But a lot of common-law couples start their journey with the same intentions and investments as married couples do: We buy a house, work together to furnish and decorate it, and even have children together.
It all takes love, time, and energy. So if things don’t work out the way we hoped they would, it’s not as easy as one would think to end it. And if the breakup is ugly, we aren’t entitled to the same rights that married couples are.

You can look at it this way: Married couples have a contract. They’ve made promises to each other in front of a minister (or judge) and God with heartfelt intentions of fulfilling them. If their relationships end, they’re breaking those contracts, and each person is entitled to specific things accordingly.

Common-law couples don’t have those signed contracts, so even though some agencies see us as spouses for certain things, the law doesn’t. That means we have to fight hard to obtain things like child support, spousal support, or even material objects collected over the course of the relationship—especially if one person brings home all the bacon!

One way to protect ourselves is to draw up some sort of relationship agreement, similar to a prenup. But it isn’t a very romantic gesture to whip out a piece of paper and say, “I am so excited to share my life with you, honey. Now, if you’ll just sign on the dotted line promising that you won’t try to take my stuff or money if our relationship goes down the toilet, we can move you in pronto!”

Tips to Get You Started

What can common-law couples do, then, to protect themselves? Steve and I have been together for almost 10 years. We have a few things that have worked for us:

1. Have a joint bank account for stuff like mortgages and events for the kids (if you have them), but be sure to have your own accounts, too.
You’re not hiding anything. You’re merely holding on to some independence and some assurance in case something terrible happens. That can include the injury, hospitalization, or death of your partner—not necessarily a breakup!

2. Have that agreement.
It doesn’t have to be a prenup–just some sort of mutual agreement/understanding of who’ll take care of the kids, who will get the house, and how things will be divided. No, we don’t want to talk about unpleasant things when we’re starting off, but you both want to be sure to have your bases covered. Which brings me to . . .

3. Prepare wills.
These aren’t just for married or old couples. What if something happens to you? What if you get ill or have an accident and can’t speak for yourself? Put everything down in a will so that you can be sure what you want to go to your kids, for example, gets to them.

4. Know your rights—individually and as one half of a common-law partnership.
I worked in a law office for many years and asked a lot of questions before Steve and I moved in together. Steve is a wonderful man, and I know if things ever fizzled, he’d be very generous. That’s how he is. But it may not work out that way. Read the laws, check the Web sites, and call a law office if you have to. Just be sure you know what your rights are so you aren’t hurt later. Like my wise grandmother used to say, “It’s better to be safe than sorry.”

5. As a final point, TALK!
Steve and I have lasted as long as we have because we work on our communication. I’m not saying we’re always right on track—we do derail sometimes. But we know when and how to reconnect by talking things out.

Living common-law has worked for Steve and I. We have no regrets, concerns, or real worries. We have made a commitment to each other, our children have their mama and daddy right here, and we all love one another very much. We may not have walked down the aisle yet, but we’re happy. We’ll get married one day, but for now, living in sin works for us!

[Photo by jeremybarwick]

Related posts:

1. What I Have In Common With June Cleaver: Sparkle Determination June Cleaver was a doormat. I’m a door-slammer. But we...
2. What is the best relationship book you’ve read? Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered....
3. Why I Love Barack and Michelle: Their Relationship is Real Couples around the world--regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, background,...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Let’s face it: we all suffer from anxiety once in awhile. Life is difficult and goes so fast, and many people these days are seeking more holistic, natural approaches to treating their anxiety—especially when dealing with children.

My daughter, Jaimie, was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) when she was only two-and-a-half. Jaimie still wasn’t talking at that age and, what we didn’t realize at the time, was that in her own way she was trying to tell us, “Excuse me, parents. But I’m feeling tremendous anxiety from that smell/sound/the clothes you put on me/etc. Help me!”

After her diagnosis, a wonderful occupational therapist and a psychologist to tried everything under the sun to teach her more positive coping techniques as well as teach us how to help her at home. Although some methods worked, the approaches were very “textbook” and ended up causing Jaimie even more distress. This resulted in a triage meeting where the head psychiatrist of Jaimie’s case “strongly suggested” that we consider putting her on anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications (SSRIs).

“Jaimie is only three years old,” my partner Steve said. “Surely there are more natural, holistic ways to treat a toddler than giving her mind-altering drugs.”

That meeting prompted us to do a lot of research, as well as go through a lot of trial and error, until we found what worked best for Jaimie. Here are a few things that have helped us:

Ease Stress By Working In Their Comfort Zone

One thing that drove Steve and I nuts was that all of these professionals who worked with Jaimie weren’t using her own strengths or comforts as a way of helping her. They chose activities that, supposedly, “always worked in cases of Jaimie’s severity level.” Well, she didn’t like water therapy or people manipulating her tiny limbs to do relaxation exercises or being forced to do highly tactile crafts. In fact, they only made things worse. Jaimie loved scribbling in notebooks, looking at picture books and laying still with her favorite beanie Tigger. So, those are what we used when trying to help ease her anxiety.

Ease Stress With The Power of Brain Food

Our brains are actually made up of over 60% fats. The fats essential for optimal brain activity are the omega-3 fatty acids: eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA), docosahexaenoic acid (DHA), and, to a lesser extent, alpha linolenic acid (ALA). Amazingly, our bodies don’t produce these fats; we have to consume them in foods like fatty, freshwater fish, (salmon, shark steaks, tuna) nuts and other oily foods.

Children with neurological disorders such as Autism or SPD are deficient in these fats so it’s essential that they consume as much of them as they can. However, it can be challenging getting a child with SPD to eat different sorts of foods, especially when they are texturally different or smelly (like fish). What you can do is add the oils to baking. We make “Jaimie’s Brain Muffins” as well as granola, whole grain cookies and other yummy snacks with added flaxseed oil.

Ease Stress With Sleepy time

We still get Jaimie to have a little rest in the middle of the day. It’s fine if she doesn’t sleep but she needs to have some alone time where she can regroup, work through things in her mind or just enjoy a few moments of quiet time without her three siblings catapulting her sensory stimulation into the stratosphere. Alone time/rest time is essential for two reasons: (1) It helps the child get things off their mind before bedtime so they won’t be plagued with worries and thoughts from earlier in the day; and (2) It teaches them that being alone is okay once in awhile.

Breathing Through Stress

Since Jaimie was a toddler, we’ve taught her how to breath through her stress when her insides are crazy. Recently I found two fantastic books that not only teach a child how to do this but also allows them to write down feelings, the level of intensity of their feelings and how they calm themselves. One book is called, My Book Of Feelings by Amy V. Jaffe, M.S.W. and Luci Gardner. The other is called, When My Feelings Get Too Big! by Brenda Smith Myles. Both are filled with vivid pictures, speak in a child’s voice and allow the child to write directly in the book about their own feelings! Jaimie loves them both.

Keep YOUR Feelings in Check

A child with high anxiety tends to feed off of our worries and stress so no matter what, be aware of your own displays of stress. As the expression goes, “Practice what you preach.” Whenever I get a little grouchy or I’m having an off day, Jaimie reminds me to, “Breathe and calm your insides down, Mama.”
It hurts watching Jaimie worry and stress about simple, fun activities other kids have fun doing. But I feel a lot better doing little things like changing or adding to Jaimie’s diet or teaching her new coping skills than I’d feel forcing a pill down her throat every day.

In the end, it takes a lot more work and effort to use strategies like the ones above, but I know I’m teaching Jaimie skills she’ll always be able to turn to.

[Photo by peasap]

Related posts:

1. How To Prepare Your First Child For The New Baby When we made the decision to have a second...
2. Letting Go of Your Child’s Innocence When my son Harry was a baby, people were...
3. Peace and Friendship in a Violent World: One Child at a Time We named our daughter Maitri (pronounced My-three), a Sanskrit...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet — Vietnamese Proverb

I have been blessed with four gorgeous children: Three girls, Jaimie (almost six), Jordhan (four) and baby Sophie (six months) as well as a feisty little boy, Xander (two). Jaimie struggles with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

SPD is a neurological disorder where the brain takes in sensory messages from the environment through the sensory organs but can’t process them properly. Because Jaimie’s brain isn’t able to read these messages effectively, it can cause confusion and she can become overwhelmed.

The signature of SPD is a child’s highly sensitive senses, which make getting close to them quite challenging; especially for a little sister or brother who only wants to hang out with their older sister. Jaimie’s most sensitive areas are olfactory (smell) and tactile (touch). This means that a simple gesture of affection, such as a hug, can actually feel painful, and if you smell “funny” to her, she won’t let you get anywhere near her. So, how can a sibling relationship flourish with a child with special needs? Slowly, gently and with a lot of patience and love.

Allow me to share how we’ve helped our children develop close sibling bonds despite a barrier of sensory struggles.

Establish Building Blocks

Those of us with more than one child know that including the older sibling in the flurry of baby excitement often eases their anxiety. We got Jaimie to pick the outfits each of her younger siblings came home from the hospital in, and we encouraged her to talk to them while each of them were in my tummy and even got her to choose little things for their cribs.

One of the most precious moments was when we got Jaimie to “hold” Jordhan. She sat down in her foam Tigger chair and we put Jordhan in her lap. The picture we took of them together is framed and on Jaimie’s bookshelf. We didn’t even need to encourage her to do the same with Xander or Sophie—she asked to hold each of them.

Encourage Play In the Quiet Times

Jordhan rarely cried—which was a bonus for us—but when she did, Jaimie covered her ears with her hands and screeched. She couldn’t deal with Jordhan touching her unless she initiated it and couldn’t deal with Jordhan’s “baby smells”—not just the dirty diapers but also the smell of the formula, the drool-laced pacifier or even Jordhan’s natural smell.

One morning after Jordhan was clean, dry and baby powder fresh, I laid her down on a blanket then encouraged Jaimie to lay beside her. Jaimie was apprehensive at first but after while ventured over and laid down. Pretty soon she felt brave enough to touch and hold Jordhan’s little hands, play with her feet and even roll around with her. Jaimie even got Jordhan to giggle for the first time.

Encouraging siblings to be around one another in the quiet times—just enjoying each other’s company—is a wonderful way to develop and nurture the sibling bond.

Offering Comfort

Children have a natural instinct to comfort others. Sometimes if Jordhan fussed, and Jaimie’s symptoms weren’t too bad, Jaimie climbed up beside me and either rubbed Jordhan’s back or stroked her silky hair while rocking with me. When Jaimie helped me soothe Jordhan, it took no time at all to get Jordhan happy again. And Jordhan got to return the favor when she got a bit older.

Whenever Jaimie becomes too overwhelmed, Jordhan is the only one who Jaimie allows to get close enough to offer comfort. Most times, Jordhan is the only one Jaimie will allow to hug her. Jordhan will wrap her tiny arms around her big sister and say, “I here for you, Jaimie. No cry.”

Children don’t need to be prompted to be there for their siblings. They simply need to be encouraged to keep it going. This also helps children learn empathy for others and be respectful of other people’s feelings.

Teaching to Respect Boundaries

Children don’t always have the social or verbal expertise to express their needs. But we can show them how their actions affect their siblings so they begin to understand what to do—or what not to do—the next time. Becoming tuned to other people’s reactions to their actions also helps children learn to recognize social cues—which Jaimie has difficulty with. Practicing these skills with Jordhan, Xander and Sophie has helped her tremendously in other social situations.

Teaching Them To Use Their Voice

It’s a given that siblings will fight now and again. Parents can intervene when they hear volumes rise and assist in reaching a suitable agreement. But, after a while, siblings need to learn to work things out on their own. That means parents must step back once in awhile and let siblings try to resolve their own fight.

Jaimie explodes from serenity to rage in seconds and, once there, she’s difficult to bring back down. Usually if I start the resolution process with, “Jaimie, you need to lower your voice and explain to Jordy what’s wrong so she understands.” Jaimie will do her best to verbalize. Reminding them to use their voices—calmly—and talk things out gets them back to fun times soon enough.

Jaimie is almost six and a proud older sister. She’s practiced the skills she’s learned with Jordhan, Xander and Sophie and has since been brave enough to practice them with other children. For the first time in her life, she’s allowing herself to reach out and make friends.

Now, if you ask Jaimie who her best friends are, she’ll stand a little taller and say, “My bestest friends are Jenna across the street, Jordhan, Xander and baby Sophie. I love them.”

Related posts:

1. Creating Space and Independence as a Parent Parents who live far from family and friends, single...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

There are psychological theories on the importance of sleep, what happens when we sleep, why some of us can’t sleep, sleep disorders, dreaming and the different stages of sleep. By why is sleep so important?

Cracking the Sleep Code

The best way to decipher the sleep code is to study what happens to us when we’re sleep deprived. The amount of sleep a person can deal with before it effects overall functioning is based on individual needs. Some people can function having only two or three hours of sleep while another person wouldn’t be able to stay awake with less than eight.

Either way, some researchers believe that (a) long periods of wakefulness will produce physiological and behavioral disturbances; (b) these disturbances will grow worse as the period of deprivation continues; and (c) that after the period of deprivation ends, a lot of missed sleep will be regained. Other researchers feel we’ve been evolved to respond to the dark-light cycles of days where we get sleepy when it’s dark outside and wake-up when it’s light. That’s why some of us can’t have a nap during the day to save our lives!

What about the kind of sleep we’re getting? Two different people may both be getting the required eight hours of sleep but one person will get a solid, deep uninterrupted sleep while the other wakes up several times and never reaches that deep REM level of sleep. Who do you think feels more rested in the morning?

Simple Solutions for Restful Nights

Now that we know what not sleeping can do to us, how do we help ourselves get more of those all-important ZZZ’s? Here are a few suggestions:

Don’t drink excessively. Alcohol is a depressant, which means it slows the body down. The sleep you get after having too much to drink is your brain’s way of recovering from the alcohol. If you want healthy Z’s, watch the amount of alcohol you consume.

Say no to drugs. Drugs containing stimulants should be avoided when trying to get more sleep. This doesn’t mean you need to be on a party drug like cocaine to absorb stimulants. There are a lot of over-the-counter pain relievers or cold medicines containing stimulants. So read your labels and try not to take stimulating medicines before you hit the pillows.

Get rid of useless stress. We all know troublesome thoughts or stressful times rob us of good sleep. If something is bothering you so much it’s keeping you up, either find a proactive way to cope with it while you’re awake or get it out of your life.

Deal with sleep disorders. Loved ones telling you that you snore? Do you sleep walk? Do you experience apnea or restless leg syndrome? Get help immediately. Your physician can most likely direct you to a good sleep specialist who can help you ease those nightly irritations. And the rest of your family and/or partner will thank you.

Cope with shift work. Some of us aren’t fortunate enough to have a nine to five daytime job. Those of us who work nights or shift work can have really messed up sleeping schedules. Psychologists will tell you to ask for several days in a row where you work days, and then several where you work nights. That way your body will have time to get used to the time swap and you’ll still be able to get some sleep. Night workers sometimes have it easier than shift workers; they may be the opposite of the norm but at least they have an actual sleep schedule.

Take a nap. Cats have the right idea. If you’re tired during the day, allow yourself that indulgence. A half hour snooze can be enough to recharge your batteries enough to get through the rest of your work. Even Einstein napped. He didn’t do the predictable eight hours, instead taking several naps throughout the day or night whenever he felt tired.

Create a sleep-friendly environment. Create a sleep routine to coax the body to slumber. Your mattress should be the right size and firmness, the room should be cool and dark, and your bed clothes nice and comfy. Any habits you have to get ready, such as a bubble bath, glass of warm milk, reading or listening to soft music are great too.

Sleep is vital to our overall functionality, so if you find yourself having trouble staying awake during the day, take inventory of what’s going on at night. Life is too much fun to enjoy with sleep in your eyes.

[Photo by peasap]

Related posts:

1. To sleep…perchance to dream…. "My girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep well?" and I...
2. Rest Easy: Pranayama and Asana for Successful Sleeping Sleeping can be stressful. How many of us have lain...
3. Social Eater. Fast Eater. How to Be a Healthy Eater. Some people are social smokers or drinkers, I am a...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Parents who live far from family and friends, single parents and parents of special needs children all share something in common: the danger of isolation. Isolation is an overwhelming sense of loneliness stemming from having a situation different from the “normal” family. Isolation is dangerous because it can lead to feelings of depression or even resentment, neither of which are very healthy states to be in. I understand because not only do I live far away from family, I’m also a Mom of a beautiful girl named Jaimie with special needs.

I had to learn how to be my own person, fighting that isolation, so that I could be the best mom I could be to all of my children, including Jaimie. Here are a few important ways I learned to fight isolation and stay strong:

Get Rid of the Guilt

Easier said than done, I know. The truth is as parents - especially Mummies - we are predisposed to guilt. We’ve always been there to do everything for them and it’s hard not to feel a twinge of guilt when we have a chance to get away on our own for awhile.

Parenting Without Guilt

But guilt is the number one thing holding us back from enjoying our well-deserved “Me Time.” Those of us with special needs children or who are single parents seem to have an extra layer of guilt we wear. After all, who else is going to care for our children? Single parents can find activities offering child care or reach out to a community-based program with child care offerings. Parents of special needs children have access to child care through many therapy programs and other parents with similar children may be willing to take turns with child care duties.

Take Baby Steps

Start with leaving for only a little while for a short walk or trip to the store. Then gradually work up from there. I’ve only gone out on my own three times since Jaimie was born—six years ago! But I’m getting better each time. And it’s been a way to have Jaimie let Daddy care for her once in awhile, which she only recently tolerated. You deserve that time alone…enjoy it! Even if you have to tell yourself that the entire time.

Find Your Place

By this I mean find a place out of the house to gather your thoughts. Whether it’s a yoga class once a week or running out to the coffee shop down the block, get out and be away from Ground Parent for just a little while at least once every couple of weeks. It’s okay…really! Parents need to get away from the demands of their little ones to regroup and come back fresh. And it doesn’t hurt the kids to have another trusted person care for them. It will teach them you go out but always come back, that they can allow other people to do things for them and, if applicable, it’s okay to bond with the other parent or caregiver.

Surround Yourself With Understanding

Especially in the case of parents of special needs children or single parents, it’s essential to find other people who are in the same situation. Having a solid support group of understanding family and friends is fantastic but they can’t truly understand the dynamics of your situation unless they live it.

Check out your local community options and join a support group. For parents with special needs children, therapists often have such groups available within their clinic offerings. For single parents, most local churches, doctor’s offices and/or community centers have connections for you. If there isn’t a support group, create one! You don’t need much to start, just a few people with a similar situation and a place to meet.

Ask for Help

As a fiercely independent woman, this one was very difficult for me to learn. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for assistance once in awhile. It isn’t a sign of weakness and you aren’t saying you can’t do it; only that you need a little boost. For those of us with special needs children or are single parents and used to going at it alone, accept help when it’s available. It’s a nice feeling to know you aren’t alone and that people are genuinely, unselfishly willing to give you a helping hand.

Practice Something You Love

For me, it’s writing and music. For you, it may be swimming, art, poetry, reading or making things with clay. Find that one thing you are most passionate about and practice it once a day or week—whatever you have time for.

Rediscover Passion in Life

It’s important for us to keep hold of what we’re passionate about so we don’t lose ourselves in being “just a parent.” Resentment can set in when we lose our passion for life. So keep those passions close to your heart—right next to your little one’s faces.

It’s just too easy to fall out of life’s race and be alone. Don’t give in. And if you need another source to keep you going, look at your children. In my case, I just look at my little Jaimie who uses every ounce of courage she has just to get out of bed and face what her environment has in store for her. If that’s not inspiration to keep fighting, I don’t know what is! Enjoy life!

Photo by: Unhindered Talent

Related posts:

1. Six Ways To Strengthen Sibling Bonds When One Has Special Needs Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and...
2. How Fathers Can Bond With Their Special Needs Children Fathers are a very important part of a child’s...
3. Back to ‘Babysics’: Lessons Your Baby Can Teach You I am constantly amazed by how much I learn...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Fathers are a very important part of a child’s life. And children, no matter what their abilities or capabilities, can thrive with the connection a positive father-child bond provides. My partner, Steve, is like most other Dads in the world: He goes to work every weekday then comes home to spend what little time is left with his children before they have to go to bed.

Special Love

Spending time with his children is very important to Steve, especially since he misses all the treasured moments I’ve gotten to enjoy such as first steps, first words, or first day of Preschool. This heartache is amplified when a child isn’t able to give their love the way other children can.

Our oldest daughter, Jaimie, was diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID). Essentially, SID (also known as Sensory Processing Disorder, or SPD) is a neurological disorder preventing Jaimie’s brain from properly processing the sensory information taken in from her environment. She’s easily overwhelmed and isn’t able to function appropriately in social settings. The most heartbreaking part for Steve has been that he seems to trigger severe sensory overload in Jaimie, which has prevented them from sharing a solid father/daughter bond.

Never Give Up

But Steve has never given up on Jaimie nor turned away from her aversions to him. In fact, he’s found five ways to develop a relationship with Jaimie despite her sensory issues and I think his tactics would be helpful for most other Dads who seek tips in nurturing their own bonding process. Allow me to share them with you:

1. Inclusion: Even during times where it seems a child may not want to participate, always assure them they’re welcome to. There are times when Jaimie curls up in a ball on the couch and tunes the rest of us out. Steve talks to her anyway to let her know she can join in when she’s ready. Just because she doesn’t respond right away, doesn’t mean she can’t hear him. That means so much.
2. Discover what excites them: Find that one activity or topic that gets a child going. Get as excited to hear about it as they are to share it with you. Eventually, they’ll ask you to join them in that activity. It never ceases to amaze me how animated and child-like Steve gets when his children share their elation about something. They love it and Steve’s excitement is contagious.
3. Be a strong presence: Jaimie works through issues during play. We discovered play to be a valuable tool in the bonding process. When Jaimie isn’t able to handle the social contact of playing with others, we’ll comment on what she’s doing or saying during play—from a safe distance—so she knows we’re still there when she’s ready for us. This shows patience and respect for personal boundaries and it means a lot to Jaimie (and to Steve if he’s invited to play too.)
4. Open your heart: Stereotypically, men are thought of as closed-off emotionally. Although Steve had difficulty sharing his feelings at first, I’ve watched how open he’s allowed his heart to expand for his children. The only way to teach children it’s okay to talk about what’s inside of them is to show them you aren’t afraid to do so.
5. Three Magic Words: Never forget “I Love You”: No matter what else is going on, or how strongly they push you away, a child needs to hear how much they’re loved—by both parents. There have been times where Jaimie is in the throws of a sensory overload-induced tantrum where she screams at Steve, “No, not you. I don’t want you. Just Mama.” Steve will still tell her how much he loves her and how much she means to him. It’s crucial that a child hears that because they do hear you and it means a lot—even if/when they can’t say so.

These are just a few of the things other Dads can do to nurture and strengthen the bond with their children. In Jaimie’s case, she may never feel comfortable enough to give Steve hugs or kisses but, for the first time in five years, she climbs up into Steve’s lap to share brief moments here and there with him. How wonderful is that?

Some children may struggle with making a connection, for various reasons, but Dads should never give up. Be strong, be patient and, most of all, be the strong presence they’ll need. Because, in the end, it’s the quality time your children will look back on in adulthood with fondness and appreciation.

Photo by Solmaz Zohdi.

Related posts:

1. Virtual Violence Hurts Our Children Too I couldn’t agree more with Rick Juliusson. As someone...
2. Getting to Know Your Children Without Snooping When our kids were young, there were so many windows...
3. Helping Children Make New Year’s Resolutions New Year’s Resolutions. So easy to make. So easy...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.