Armchair Bike Fan

MotoGP: Stoner the Faker

2009-07-14T16:48:00.003+01:00

Yankee Quacks have diagnosed Casey Stoner's mystery illness as gastritis and anaemia.

In other words, they think he's faking it. Telling someone they have gastritis and anaemia just means they claim to have sore guts and are a little pale and tired, but tests show nothing unusual.

Doctors say that kind of thing to make you sod off.

Doctor House (with his Nicky Hayden replica Repsol Honda) would run a battery of tests, order some medicine, realize the medicine is killing the patient, order some different tests, look into the mid distance, and realize that you have some kind of illness that is found once every 5 years in the entire world's population of 6 billion.

Real doctors just want you to get lost and stop bugging them so they can go and play golf.

American quacks tend to order more tests than those in other countries, because American quacks are liable to be sued for 20 trillion dollars at least 12 times a year, and ordering tons of tests tends to make them look better in court, reducing their malpractise insurance premiums. (This is why the USA spends more on health care than anyone else, yet has one of the worst healthcare systems in the world. In most countries if you showed up in hospital with a sore finger they'd tell you to get stuffed, in the States you'd get $60,000 worth of CT and MRI scans.) And even American quacks couldn't find anything wrong with Casey. For gastritis he should avoid spicy food and eat some ginger, for anaemia he should eat some black pudding (a.k.a. blood pudding or blood sausage. Lovely stuff.)

So poor little Casey still hasn't had a decent diagnosis (i.e. one of something that's easily cured.) Hopefully he gets his stuff together, eats some medium-rare 'roo burgers to up his iron content and stops chucking up in his crash hat. Somebody needs to keep Vale and Horhay honest up at the front.

So long, Sete.

2009-07-13T13:39:00.003+01:00

So long, Sete Gibernau. Don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out. His dodgy builder-sponsored Ducati will no longer appear in MotoGP after the team ran out of money.

Almost-legend Sete Gibernau decided to sully his reputation by returning to MotoGP after retiring for ever a couple of years ago. The theatrical Spaniard had turned from a journeyman into a star when he suddenly found form and started challenging Valentino Rossi for the world title. He was a damn sight better than some of the guys who luck into championships, but them's the breaks.

Ever stroppy and melodramatic, he was finally destroyed by the legendary Gypsy Curse hurled at him by Rossi. The Italian superstar was livid at being given a grid penalty at Qatar when his team did scooter burnouts on his grid spot to increase grip, and his hatred was levelled at Gibernau. Rossi announced that poor Gibbers would never win another race, and lo it came to pass that Sete never won another race. (Rossi has evil powers, you know. He was last seen sticking pins into the gut of a Casey Stoner voodoo doll...)

Gibernau switched to Ducati, and looked pretty quick until he rammed his brake lever into the back of team-mate Loris Capirossi's bike at Catalunya, flipping over forwards (Mythbusters take note) and skittling Capirex and Melandri among others. To compound the hilarity, Gibernau's ambulance crashed at low speed on the way to hospital.

Ironically, it was Casey Stoner, the tiny tearaway who stole Sete's Ducati ride, who put the Spaniard out of MotoGP by crashing in front of him, causing Sete to hop off and break his collar bone for the 90th time.

Gibbers was finally tempted back to MotoGP by the prospect of a satellite Ducati jointly sponsored by Spain's dodgiest builder and Africa's dodgiest dictator. Apparently El Presidente of Guinea Ecuatorial had been stringing the team along, as has happened to hundreds of no-hoper squads in the past, and the cheques were permanently lost in the post.

And so it ended. The Abba Fernando Ducati squad are no more. Buh-bye, now.

BSB Knockhill 09: Camier Doubles

2009-07-05T19:50:00.002+01:00

Lanky Leon Camier crushed the opposition with a double victory at Knockhill in the British Superbike championship meeting, extending his lead in the title race.

Stuart Easton nicked a couple of podiums at his home track on the Hydrex Honda, taking 2nd and 3rd places in two races. The Hydrex squad are doing brilliantly this year with the little Scotsman, making the far bigger HM Plant Honda team look like muppets.

Leading HM Plant muppet was Josh Brookes, looking seriously quick as he grabbed 3rd and 2nd places. The Aussie's rehabilitation from breaking Sylvain Guintoli's leg (accidentally of course) is continuing apace. He's really getting to grips with the bike and the twisty British tracks.

Brookesy's immensely popular team-mate and countryman, Glen Richards, was far less lucky. He made one of his very rare errors in qualifying, clipped another bike on the run to the hairpin and ended up with a broken femur. Luckily for the former British Superstock and Supersport champ, it was an uncomplicated break, and he could be racing again in 6 to 8 weeks. Get well soon.

The racing wasn't great, but it never is a Knockhill. It's great for spectators, with loads of elevation changes giving plenty of good viewing spots. However, it's far too tight for Superbikes, with a lap time of something like 49 seconds. There are hardly any places to overtake, as Brookes found out when he finished 3rd to Easton in the first race after shadowing the little Borders man for pretty much the entire 30 laps.

Still, Camier was stunning, while Easton and Brookesy were by far the best of the rest.

MotoGP, WSBK, BSB End of May Weekend Roundup

2009-06-01T13:06:00.003+01:00

There was a whole lot of racing going on at the weekend. Here are a few of the highlights.

125cc GP: Bradley Smith took his 2nd victory at Mugello. At first, he was quick but crashed a lot, then he was quick but didn't race that hard, now he seems to be both quick and a hard racer. Also, Scott Redding, who is at least a foot taller this year than last, did well to finish the race at all. He had a massive highside but somehow landed back on the bike. A great race.

250cc GP: Mattia Pasini won a truly stunning wet race. He was in 3rd place when the guys in front had a bit of an incident. Marco "Afro" Simoncelli hit Alvaro "Raving psycho" Bautista, and the two rivals went on a terrifying gravel trap excursion at 100mph. Simoncelli came off best (and got an official warning), and had a major last lap battle with Pasini, but it was the less lanky, non-Afro Italian who won the race on his hideous pink Aprilia. Bautista settled for 3rd after a massive moment where he basically did a Scott Redding, having a huge almost-crash but landing back on the bike. Brilliant stuff.

MotoGP: Casey Stoner took the win, and it was very impressive. It was one of those bike-swap races that should be ridiculous but are really utter genius. Marco Melandri was going brilliantly in the wet, but the rebadged Kwak was a pile of garbage in the dry. Jorge Lorenzo finished a brilliant 2nd with Valentino Rossi 3rd, losing at Mugello for the first time in 7 years. Time to retire, you old git! (Kidding, obviously.)

WSBK: Ben Spies took a record 7th pole position in a row and did the double too. The racing wasn't all that great, not helped by the atrocious camerawork that mainly had us looking at a wide shot of about 27 bikes in front of the distant mountains, wondering who was in which position. Michel Fabrizio had a decent day, as did Johnny Rea. Leon Haslam nearly had a decent 2nd race, but spoiled it by crashing out of 4th place half way round the last lap. Oops.

BSB: Leon Camier continues to destroy the opposition. He's just outrageously fast on that Yamaha, and is pretty much doing a Ben Spies in the British Superbike series. His team-mate James Ellison did well to follow his team leader home, while comic book supervillain Josh Brookes took a brilliant 3rd place in race 2, still protesting his innocence in the Guintoli crash.

BSB Donington: GSE Yams Tops on Chaotic Day

2009-05-26T13:08:00.003+01:00

The GSE Yamaha riders shared the victories at Donington Park in the British Superbike Championship, but it was a day of controversy.

On the way to the grid for race one, HM Plant Honda's number 2 Aussie Josh Brookes crashed into Worx Suzuki star Sylvain Guintoli at the Melbourne Loop. Guintoli, who has starred in BSB this year and was one of the title favourites, was carted off with a badly broken leg, both tibia and fibula being fractured. Brookes protested his innocence, claiming brake failure. However, analysis of the data showed that the brakes had not failed. While Guintoli had been trundling round to the grid, Brookes had been at virtually full race pace. He grabbed the brakes, then started to pump them, then hit the hapless Frenchman.

Clearly, Brookes made an honest mistake. He would not have pumped the brakes if he thought they were working properly. I'd imagine that the major speed difference between himself and Guinters tricked his senses into thinking he wasn't slowing down at all, along with the cold brakes giving poor feedback through the lever, so he tried to pump the brakes up and meanwhile torpedoed the Suzuki.

The stewards seem to have taken the view that it was Brookesy's fault, but an honest error, as they have given him a one race ban, suspended for three races. Interviewed on TV before the stewards' decision, the Aussie was gutted, revealing that a similar thing had happened to him while racing Down Under. It's just a shame that a relatively small error has led to Guintoli being out for a couple of months.

Race 1 saw Leon Camier on the GSE Airwaves Yamaha make a poor start, but fight through to a fairly straightforward victory. It was a great race, with loads of passing for position. In the end, Camier's team-mate James Ellison secured 2nd place, with young Scotsman Stuart Easton grabbing 3rd.

Race 2 wasn't so great for Camier. The lanky Englishman's bike conked out at the Melbourne Loop. He managed to restart pretty much dead last, and massacred the slower riders to finish 12th. His team-mate, ex-MotoGP rider James Ellison took his first BSB win, and it was a pretty dominant one, albeit with Camier and Guintoli out of the picture. This time, Easton took 2nd on the Hydrex Honda, with Chris Walker 3rd on the Rob Mac Yamaha.

Leon Camier now holds a big lead in the championship, with 117 points to Ellison's 89. The human giraffe looks a stick-on for the title, so long as he stays in one piece. The only question is whether he'll stay in BSB next year or bag a decent WSBK ride!

All in all it was a great day's racing, but overshadowed by Guintoli's injury. Get well soon, Sylvain.

Marco Melandri - What a Hero!

2009-05-19T13:14:00.003+01:00

The MotoGP visit to Le Mans was wet as usual, and it produced a really interesting race. Cocky Spaniard Jorge Lorenzo won magnificently, staying out on wet tyres until the last possible moment before switching to slicks, and destroying the field in the process. However, the most amazing performance was from Marco Melandri, finishing 2nd on the Hayate Kawasaki.

Last year, Marco seemed to be finished. He just couldn't ride the Ducati. Whereas Casey Stoner chucks the Bologna Bullet into corners and wrestles it out of them, Marco was as terrified as a trainee tiger tamer in his first public performance. The hapless Italian would trundle round in last place, looking like an idiot.

But this year, Marco is back. The nutter who came around the last corner at Phillip Island, with one hand on the bars, smoking up the rear tyre on his way to victory, is back in the paddock. And he's riding the wheels off that awful black-painted Green Machine. Maybe it's fortunate that John Hopkins was fired by Kawasaki, he was terrible on that bike last year and would probably look like a complete monkey next to Melandri this year.

Marco took a thoroughly deserved second position at Le Mans. It was not caused by dozens of people crashing in front of him, it was sheer speed and talent in the impossibly slippy conditions. Even Valentino Rossi panicked, stopped too early for dry tyres, and fell off after about 3 corners on slicks. But he jumped back on the bike, did about 30 more pit stops, and finished the race. Only Kallio managed to rack up a DNF, and only Lorenzo managed to finish in front of Melandri.

It's great to have you back, Marco.

WSBK Kyalami: Nori Back to the Boil

2009-05-18T16:55:00.003+01:00

The first visit for several years to the South African track of Kyalami was a bit of a subdued affair for the World Superbike Championship. The popular Frenchman Regis Laconi had an enormous crash in practise, breaking his neck and sustaining a heavy blow to the head. He spent a while in a medically induced coma, but is now awake, and will undergo an operation to have his neck bolted back together before returning to France. The outlook seems to be very positive, so get well soon Regis.

The racing wasn't up to much, really. The track is nice and wide, with lots of elevation changes (it's thousands of feet above sea level, so there's plenty of vertical room), but for some reason the field strung out and it seemed difficult to make overtaking moves. Possibly this is because few people had good quality data about the track. There was an official test at Kyalami before the season, but a lot of the bikes were fresh from the crates and very undeveloped back then.

Nitro Nori Haga won the double, despite still suffering from his bizarre bird-strike incident at Monza last week. Obviously Nori is made of sterner stuff than Sete Gibernau (the GP star having re-re-re-re-rebroken his collarbone again.)

Michel Fabrizio was again on the pace of his older, crazier and better team-mate. Strange. Fabrizio rarely strings two good results together. Has his first jammy victory finally unleashed a torrent of talent? Doubtful! Either way, it'll be interesting to find out. The young Roman jazzed up race 2 by passing Haga twice on the last lap, running wide both times. A very good showing.

Ben Spies had a weekend that started brilliantly and went downhill all the way. First of all, he took pole position by just one millisecond from Fabrizio, equalling the best ever run of 6 pole positions in a row by Doug Polen. In race 1 he could just about hang onto the leading Ducati duo, but in race 2 his gear lever fell off, giving him a DNF. Spies is still by far the best of the rest, but Haga's most unHagalike display of consistency is giving the Japanese nutcase a Baylisstic lead in the championship.

Johnny Rea gets an honourable mention for popping onto the podium in race 2, beating Haslam and Biaggi in the process. Haslam also gets an honourable mention for narrowly missing the podium in race 2, having crashed in qualifying and race 1.

So there wasn't amazing racing at the South African track, but the main thing to take away is that Regis Laconi appears to be making a swift recovery from his life-threatening injuries. Hopefully we'll be seeing the puddock back in the paddock before too long.

WSBK: Carnage and Chaos at Monza

2009-05-11T15:16:00.003+01:00

The World Superbike races at Monza resulted in a lucky win for Michel "Lanzi" Fabrizio, and a fully deserved win for Ben Spies. However, the day was marred with a chaotic start to the first race.

The trouble with Monza is the first chicane. Some people describe it as dodgy, or a bit too tight, or just plain crap. There has been more than one attempt at remodelling the corner, which used to be simply a kink in a 200mph straight and was therefore a tad dangerous. Some kind of chicane is necessary, but the present one is atrocious. This isn't MotoGP, there are close to 3 dozen bikes on a World Superbike grid, and some of the guys at the back aren't blessed with large amounts of talent or brainpower. The field arrives at the first corner jostling for position, and it just takes one idiot at the back to make a small mistake for carnage to ensue.

That's what happened. There were actually two crashes going on, but the most serious happened when the once-talented Makoto Tamada somehow tangled with Brendan Roberts. The Aussie ended up off the track, and his bike torpedoed the hapless Max Neukirchner, whose only crime was to be leading the race around the chicane. The flying Ducati hit him broadside on, breaking his femur. It's a disaster to have such a quick and popular racer out of action for many weeks, just because of moronic circuit design. A second crash involved bikes bursting into flames. This led to a long delay while the Italian marshalls scrubbed away at the oil and petrol stains on this slow, dodgy corner.

The race was restarted, and everyone managed to get around the first chicane without any major assaults. It turned into the classic Monza slipstreaming battle. The top three were the Sterilgarda Yamaha of Ben Spies and the two Xerox Ducatis of Noriyuki Haga and Michel "It's his passport, stupid" Fabrizio. Amazingly, the underperforming Roman was beating up his championship-leading Japanese team-mate, trying for an unlikely home victory. However, it was the Yamaha Italia bike of Ben Spies that led into the Parabolica for the last time. Then conked out half way round after running out of fuel. Some claimed it was because the Yamaha Italia team forgot to refill the bikes after the aborted start, which seems pretty unlikely. More likely, on a bike with such a lot of trick electronics, is that there was a miscalculation and the fuel load was simply cut too fine. Spies trundled over the line in 15th, immediately parking the Yamaha against the barrier.

This let Fabrizio take his maiden WSBK victory on home soil. The melodramatic Italian was overjoyed, and will probably have signed a 2-year extension to his Ducati contract already, having joined the Lorenzo Lanzi club of riders who got a top factory Ducati ride because of their passports and actually managed to win a race too. Nori Haga was second home, almost touching his team-mate on the run to the line. Max Biaggi (Aprilia) was briefly third, but was pinged for short-cutting a chicane and had 20 seconds added to his race time. This promoted Ryuichi Kiyonari (Ten Kate Honda) to the podium. He wasn't that happy, as he had made an awful start and been forced to fight all the way back up to where he should have been anyway.

Race Two was thankfully less insane, with none of the big names carted off with major injuries. However, there was one of the major names carted off with bumps and bruises. Noriyuki Haga dropped way down on the first lap, finally lobbing the Ducati at the tyre wall in a spectacular display of tumbling. His excuse was that a bird hit him on the right arm, and he didn't have a great deal of control over the bike. Being Japanese, he rode as fast as he could anyway, and fell off. Back to the old Haga? Not so long as birds stop hitting him on the arm. (A crash-happy bike racer with a bird on his arm? There must be a Carlos Checa joke in there somewhere.)

Spies managed to win the race this time, his bike lasting all the way to the chequered flag instead of dying a death 100 yards short. Fabrizio took 2nd, with Kiyo 3rd.

Max Biaggi set the speed record for the day, the whippet-like Roman Emperor wringing 202.4mph out of his Aprilia RSV4. Not bad for a tarted-up road bike, even though cynics call the Aprilia roadbike a race bike with lights and a speedo.

Overall it was a great day's racing that made you feel sorry for the poor saps watching F1 on another channel. Bad news for Max Neukirchner, but he'll bounce back. The DNF for Haga, and the, uh, JBF (Just Barely Finished) for Spies kept the title race interesting, and Fabrizio's lucky win added a 3rd name to this year's roll of honour. World Superbike keeps on rocking, next stop South Africa.

BSB Oulton: Camier Cruises to Double Victory

2009-05-05T15:35:00.002+01:00

Oulton Park is a fine racetrack. As the name suggests, it is set in parkland, surrounded by forests and a lake. The tarmac twists and turns upwards and downwards, with so many blind corners that a guide dog would come in handy. Leon Camier stamped his authority all over the championship by taking both the wins in the British Superbike meeting.

Camier started from the front, having snatched pole position in the dying seconds of the qualifying session. The tall, laconic Englishman didn't make good starts, but was typically unflappable as he picked off his rivals, even surviving a scare on the grid for race two when an official claimed to have spotted fluid leaking from his Airwaves And Thanks To GSE Group And Jewson For Getting Me Here Yamaha (I think that's what he calls it).

The bike is still running with a tarted up road bike engine, with the full-on WSBK spec motor not appearing until team-boss Colin Wright takes an oxy-acetylene torch to the padlock on the GSE chequebook, probably when they reach a fast, non-twisty track where the extra 15 to 20 horse will be direly needed. You certainly wouldn't want to be going down the back straight at Snetterton 20 horse down on your rivals.

The fact that the youngster dominated the race meeting on a wheezing bike, despite being one of the biggest riders out there (either 6'2" or 6'3" depending on who you listen to, with about a foot of that being taken up by his giraffe-like neck) shows just how well he is riding. I had thought he would take a while to get back into the 4-cylinder groove after a year on V-twin Ducatis, but I was wrong about that. The new Yamaha R1's "bag of spanners" firing order gives it the best of both worlds, and it seems to suit Leon perfectly. I had picked Glen Richards for the title, and although the Aussie's consistency should help towards the end of the season, Camier is now looking like the favourite as he racks up the points early on.

Small Scotsman Stuart Easton took the lead early on in both races like some kind of mildly-overgrown Dani Pedrosa, but dropped down to fourth in the first race, and retired with electrical gremlins in race two. The Borders boy is certainly paying back the support of his fans, who have long claimed that he could do great things on a great bike.

His Hydrex Honda team-mate, Karl "Bomber" Harris had a better day. The Yorkshire bruiser had his personal trainer on the grid, presumably to stop him lying down and snaffling chocolate cakes before the races. It seemed to do the trick. Karl had horrible luck this time last year, but stayed on the bike and raced hard to climb onto the second step of the podium in both races. It was also a great result for Hydrex Honda, who have really rubbed the formerly factory HM Plant Honda team's nose in it.

Popular Frenchman Sylvain Guintoli was hugely impressive on his first race visit to Oulton, taking his Worx Suzuki to a pair of third places. Everyone agrees that this is a difficult track to learn, and nothing remotely like the MotoGP tracks that Sylvain is used to. Add to that the fact that the Suzuki is generally considered to shine on high speed tracks, and you have an excellent start to the season. Guintoli even came out with a bizarre story, claiming that he knew he would do well because he dreamed that his team boss Jack Valentine came down his chimney dressed as a blue Santa Claus, and handed him a trophy. Presumably, being French, Sylvain had been eating cheese before bedtime that day.

Other riders who stood out include Simon Andrews, who raced his Kawasaki brilliantly in the early stages of both races, despite being injured, before crashing in one and dropping down the field in the second.

Young Aussie Jason O'Halloran also punched above his weight on the SMT Honda, particularly in race one.

Gary Mason won the Cup class as usual on his Quay Garage Honda, embarrassing some of the riders from vastly richer teams.

Overall, it was a great day's racing, with the conditions staying pretty dry for the Superbikes. Camier looks like the favourite for the title, but it's a long way to the end of the season, and he knows better than most how badly things can go wrong mid-season. Still, the race for the title is already fascinating.

MotoGP Jerez: Rossi Rules

2009-05-05T15:09:00.004+01:00

Valentino Rossi returned to form with victory at the Jerez round of the MotoGP championship. It was Repsol Honda's miniature matador Dani Pedrosa who led for the first half of the race, while Rossi tangled with Casey Stoner for 2nd place. Once he had dispatched the Aussie, The Doctor hunted down his tiny rival and won the race convincingly.

It was all smiles on the podium, which is incredible when you consider that Pedrosa (2nd) and Stoner (3rd) were up there. However, Dani was relieved to be going so damn quickly with his still-healing injuries, and Stoner was just amazed that he managed to wrestle his Ducati round the track and take a podium. The Bologna Bullet is ill-suited to Jerez, as it doesn't go around corners very well and prefers long straights.

Rossi even celebrated the win with a replay of one of his classic victory gags: parking his bike against a barrier and nipping into a trackside toilet.

The fourth of the usual suspects, Jorge Lorenzo, had taken a blistering pole position, but was left muttering excuses after racing slowly and falling off while challenging Stoner for 3rd. It was a severely bad day for the only rider who would make you write to Roget's and demand that their thesaurus be updated with more synonyms for "cocky".

Promoted to 4th by Jorge's hop-off was, incredibly, Randy de Puniet. The Frenchman, who is best known for leaving piles of gravel when he takes his boots off in the pit garage, was brilliant as he took the coveted "next Honda home after Pedrosa" spot on his reasonably awful privateer bike. Maybe the Playboy bunnies provided by his Playboy LCR Honda sponsors helped.

Next home was another incredible ride from Marco Melandri on the Hayate Kawasaki. Two of the worst bikes on the grid finishing 4th and 5th, with only one person crashing in front of them. Marco lived up to his nickname, "Macho", by battling all race long with Capirossi and Edwards.

Compared to the heroics of the Randy and Marco show, everyone behind them looked pretty rubbish. Worst of all was Nicky Hayden, who has confirmed that the second factory Ducati bike is cursed by finishing about a year behind his team-mate. Only Stoner can ride that bike. Mika Kallio's pretty good on the privateer version, though.

It was a crushing display of dominance from Rossi to win the race, with Pedrosa and Stoner punching well above their weight (presumably flyweight or bantamweight or something), having no right to lap as quickly as they did. A half-decent race for MotoGP, with some heroics thrown in. Here's hoping this season keeps going in the right direction.

BSB: Josh Brookes Finally Cleared to Race

2009-04-29T19:14:00.002+01:00

Aussie Josh Brookes was barred from entering the UK to race his HM Plant Honda bike in the British Superbike race at Brands Hatch, thanks to our genius immigration system that keeps hard working foreigners out, but lets in as many bone idle terrorists as possible.

Fortunately, our convict cousin has finally been granted a visa, so can take his place in the BSB series. He was a bit of a surprise choice for the highly sought after HM Plant seat, but was very quick in World Supersport so should hopefully adapt to the more powerful Superbike, and the more dodgy British tracks, before too long.

It'll be very interesting to see Brookesy in BSB over the coming months. He did well in a one off race at Brands last year. Welcome to the party, mate.

MotoGP: Colin's Computer Cockup at Motegi

2009-04-29T18:53:00.003+01:00

A leaked email has revealed the reason for Colin Edwards' virtual disappearance in the Japanese MotoGP race at Motegi. Some clown in the Monster Tech 3 Yamaha team programmed the bike's engine management computer with the rain map.

In a profoundly profane email to his father (it's the only way to talk to an Australian after all) Edwards was philosophical about the mistake, but reckoned the guilty party would unsurprisingly get the boot.

Now, I like to have a bit of a dig at Colin as much as anyone. He talks a good game, but has never managed to climb the top step of the MotoGP podium, despite strewing excuses along the way. However, he is a hugely likeable character who tells things as they are, and is a double WSBK champion (his victory over Troy Bayliss at Imola is one of the greatest last laps of all time in any form of motorsport).

It's horrible luck that some birdbrain put a rain map on his bike. What this means is the engine thought the track was wet and therefore had no grip. It therefore refused to deliver much power, or much acceleration, to try and stop the rider destroying his rain tyres or highsiding himself into the clouds. Obviously this isn't much use on a grippy dry track with grippy slicks, so poor old Colin was stuck there, twisting the grip off the bars and still getting nowhere.

Well, his luck has to change some time. He'll be back on the podium.

MotoGP Motegi: Jorge Horses Vale

2009-04-28T10:36:00.000+01:00

Jorge Lorenzo produced a faultless performance to win the Japanese round of the MotoGP championship at Motegi. To everybody's surprise, it was an interesting race that had battles for position right down the field. With qualifying rained off, the grid was based on free practise sessions, giving a front row of Valentino Rossi, Casey Stoner and Jorge Lorenzo.

Rossi made an excellent start on his FIAT Yamaha, and was followed into the first turn by the Rizla Suzuki of Chris Vermeulen. Dani Pedrosa made his usual rocket launch off the line on his Repsol Honda to take third place, pushing Stoner's Marlboro Ducati down to fourth. Jorge Lorenzo could only manage fifth on the second FIAT Yamaha, ahead of the second Repsol Honda of Andrea Dovizioso. In the midfield, Nicky Hayden lasted just four corners before his Marlboro Ducati was torpedoed by Yuki Takahashi's Scot Honda, the Japanese youngster getting a bit over-excited at his home race.

Vermeulen could not keep up with the pace of the leaders, and swiftly dropped back, while Lorenzo fought his way up the field to catch Pedrosa. The two Spanish arch-rivals had a good scrap for second place, with the cocky Lorenzo getting the best of his sour-faced enemy Pedrosa.

Arguably the most impressive performance was Marco Melandri on the sole Hayate bike. The repainted Kawasaki machine is usually considered to be the worst bike on the grid, so it was amazing to see Melandri in seventh place, climbing all over Stoner and Vermeulen. Although Stoner was, as always, the leading Ducati rider, he was having terrible trouble with a vibrating front brake, and repeatedly ran wide as he tried to pass his fellow Aussie.

At the front, Valentino Rossi was not managing to pull away from his team-mate Lorenzo, with the surprisingly fast Honda of Dani Pedrosa staying in touch with the pair of blue Yamahas. Soon, the two Yamahas were fighting for the lead. Lorenzo passed Rossi, but the wily Italian cut back in tight to re-take first place. A few corners later, Lorenzo passed his team leader in a close but clean move into the downhill right-hander. Rossi was now just in front of Pedrosa, with the second Repsol Honda of Dovizioso also joining the fight. Casey Stoner was now up to speed, but was a few seconds behind the leaders in fifth place.

In the middle of the pack, the second Ducati was the Pramac machine of Mika Kallio. The Finnish rookie had started from 17th after highsiding on a cold tyre during the practise session that was used to determine grid positions. Now Kallio was scything through the field, heading for a top ten position.

With 8 laps to go, Dani Pedrosa was hustling Rossi for second place. Still recovering from surgery to his arm and knee, the tiny Spaniard was as determined as he has ever been, outbraking Rossi for probably the first time ever to grab second place, only to lose out as Rossi cut back inside him. Again, Pedrosa passed Rossi on the brakes, and again he ran slightly wide, letting The Doctor back through. On the next lap, Dani made a move stick at the same place where Lorenzo had passed Rossi. However, the reigning champion stayed right on Pedrosa's tail, pulling off a similar move to retake second place into the hairpin.

Andrea Dovizioso was now slowing, and falling back towards the wailing V4 Ducati of Stoner. With two laps left, Dovi ran a little wide and Stoner seized fourth position.

Jorge Lorenzo held his lead to the flag, taking a sensational victory for Yamaha, on Honda's own test track. Valentino Rossi had to accept second place behind his team-mate, while the injured Pedrosa took an excellent third place, even managing a brief smile in parc ferme. Stoner had to settle for fourth, with Dovizioso fifth and Marco Melandri in an outstanding sixth that left his Hayate team ecstatic. Capirossi took 7th, while Kallio took a stunning 8th place.

Lorenzo performed his usual victory celebration of strutting into a gravel trap and planting a Lorenzo's Land flag, but had to be pushed back to the pitlane when his bike stalled. A relay of marshals and officials took turns to shove the victor home. Jorge Lorenzo now leads the championship by one point from Valentino Rossi, with Casey Stoner just two points further back. From a poor start, the season has suddenly started to look interesting.

WSBK Assen: Spies and Haga Again

2009-04-28T10:30:00.002+01:00

Ben Spies and Noriyuki Haga shared the victories at the Assen round of the World Superbike championship, with the first race being a real classic. Leon Haslam also impressed by taking two podiums on his privateer Honda.

Race One
Ben Spies made full use of his 4th pole position of the year to lead the field into the first corner on his factory Yamaha bike. Behind him were Max Neukirchner, Jakub Smrz, Noriyuki Haga and Leon Haslam. At the front, Spies and Neukirchner were starting to pull away as Smrz held up the rest of the field on his Guandalini Ducati.

Nori Haga quickly managed to squeeze his factory Xerox Ducati bike past the Czech privateer, but Leon Haslam would have to wait a little longer before he could overtake on his Stiggy Honda, by which time his rivals had pulled out a reasonable gap. Tom Sykes on the second factory Yamaha followed Haslam past Smrz when the Czech had a big slide.

Haslam had to work hard to catch up to Haga, who was in turn catching the leading pair. Setting fastest laps, the Englishman caught up to make it a group of four fighting for first place. Immediately he had a big scare when Max Neukirchner fell in the final chicane, the German's Suzuki righting itself and shooting back across the track, coming terrifyingly close to clouting Haslam.

Spies now had Haga to deal with. The Japanese rider's Ducati was blisteringly quick around the back of the track, and he constantly harried his American rival. Behind them, young Haslam had once again clawed his way back to the leading group. With Tom Sykes riding a lonely race in 4th position, the next battle was for 5th, with Michel Fabrizio's Xerox Ducati, Max Biaggi's Aprilia and Jonathan Rea's Hannspree Ten Kate Honda fighting it out.

With ten laps left, Spies made a small mistake, running just inches wide, but that was enough for Haga, riding crazily close behind as always. As the Japanese star snatched the lead, Haslam pulled alongside on the next straight and outbraked Spies to take 2nd place.

Haslam's rear tyre started to squirm around with around 4 laps to go, and Spies found his second wind. The three leaders were locked together with barely a bike length between each of them. On the next lap, Spies managed to pull alongside Haslam, but the Englishman refused to yield. The pair went around three corners side by side, almost leaning on each other, before Spies took the upper hand. It was a breathtaking display of control from both riders. The slightest mistake would have taken them both out in a shower of gravel and acrimony.

It looked like Haga must have the win sewn up, but Spies put in an incredible last lap. The Texan somehow shot past Haga to take the lead with a stunning pass in a fast right hander. With just one left hand corner before the final complex, Haga could do nothing to fight back. Ben Spies won the race to continue his astounding rookie season in WSBK, ahead of Haga and Haslam. It was a truly classic Assen battle.

Race Two
Ben Spies made another excellent start, but it was Noriyuki Haga who led the field around the first lap. Leon Haslam was first to the corner entry, but outbraked everybody including himself, dropping back to fourth. Spies only waited a few corners before passing Haga, and was pulling out a few bike lengths when he suddenly crashed on the second lap. He was unhurt, but his Yamaha tumbled right through a gravel trap and over the barrier.

Haga now had the lead back, with Max Neukirchner's Suzuki in second place and Leon Haslam in third. Michel Fabrizio was next up. The Italian took advantage of the fight between Haslam and Neukirchner to close up and pass Haslam for third. Shortly afterwards, Fabrizio rudely shoved Neukirchner wide, the hapless German running off the track, furious with the Ducati rider.

At the front, Nori Haga was now checking out, while Fabrizio, Haga and Smrz battled over the remaining podium spots. Fabrizio was having one of his randomly-selected good races, and was holding back the clearly faster bike of Haslam.

Nicking an idea from Ben Spies, Haslam shot past Fabrizio in the fast right hander towards the end of the lap. The first four positions then settled down, with the excitement coming from the battle for fifth, between Jonathan Rea and Tom Sykes. The pair swapped positions back and forth, with Rea eventually coming out on top.

Haga led easily across the line to take the victory and keep up his impressive title challenge. Haslam finished an excellent second, by far the best Honda rider. Third place was decided on the last lap, with Fabrizio missing a gear to let Jakub Smrz steal third place. Fabrizio celebrated fourth with a hilarious display of melodramatics as he cursed his misfortune.

It was not a classic race, especially compared to the fantastic first race of the day, but Haga used his new-found consistency to make himself the clear favourite to win the championship.

WSBK: Hopper Crocked in Assen Practise

2009-04-25T10:30:00.003+01:00

Poor John Hopkins. He'll be rueing the day that those dollar signs popped up in his eyeballs when Kawasaki came a-calling. He spent a year falling off the slow green machine and hurting himself. Then the board of Kawasakisaurus Rex decided to ditch MotoGP racing due to the credit crunch, leaving Hopper without a ride. Finally, things started to go Hopper's way when he joined the Stiggy team in World Superbikes.

It seemed like the perfect match for Hopper. A nice, relaxed paddock filled with nutters, a great up and coming team with a very respectable bike, a race series that involves beaucoup overtaking, it was all going so well as the Anglo-American eased his way into the ways of World Supers.

Until he got to Assen. It's a track that seems to have something against Hopper. The MotoGP Kwaka threw him off at high speed in a terrifying crash, TV pictures showing him fly through the air and slam into a concrete wall, leaving him with nasty injuries for most of last season.

Now the partly legendary Dutch track (only the now-destroyed full circuit had full legend status) has bitten him again. On one of his first laps around the track on a superbike, he highsided, landed awkwardly on his feet, and trashed his leg again. The hip was dislocated, the joint cracked, and various muscles and tendons badly damaged. He'll probably be out for many weeks, if not months.

Sometimes life just isn't fair. Get well soon, Hopper.

MotoGP Motegi Qualifying Cancelled

2009-04-25T10:15:00.002+01:00

With torrential Japanese rain and rivers flowing across the track, the qualifying session for the MotoGP race at Motegi was cancelled. The starting grid will be made up from practise times.

This comes after the season opener at Qatar was rained off and ended up happening the next day, with the huge change in track conditions almost certainly helping to turn the race into a typical 2007-style suckfest.

Is this coincidence, or karma? MotoGP has been sucking like a chain-smoker ever since the switch to 800cc engines. Pointless rule changes have ensured that the racing is abysmal, except for one fine day in California last year. Is MotoGP being punished? Or should I say, is Dorna being punished?

Even the weather gods think that Dorna is a laughing stock. Mother Nature is pointing at the Spanish company and laughing at their gross mismanagement of the MotoGP series.

The changeable conditions and lack of practise time will likely play into the hands of the very best riders, namely C. Stoner Esq and Signore V. Rossi. Will there be an exciting race at Motegi tomorrow? Fingers crossed.

MotoGP Qatar: Stoner Reigns In The Desert at Night

2009-04-14T21:59:00.002+01:00

Casey Stoner made a perfect start to this year's MotoGP campaign, crushing the opposition at Qatar in one of his trademark lights-to-flag victories. The race took place 22 hours late, after the original running was cancelled just seconds before the parade lap due to torrential rain. Ironically, the real problem was not the flood water, but the floodlights that were illuminating this night race. The glare and reflections from the lighting make the track unrideable in wet weather. This was also the first race for the new control tyre rule, so all riders were on the mandatory Bridgestone rubber.

When the lights eventually went out, Stoner fired his Marlboro Ducati off the line to lead into turn one. Loris Capirossi was in second on the Rizla Suzuki, ahead of the FIAT Yamaha pair of Valentino Rossi and Jorge Lorenzo. The two team-mates battled around the first lap, with Lorenzo passing his team leader for third, only for Rossi to take the place back from the young Spaniard later in the lap. At the front, Stoner was looking ominously fast. His red Ducati was glistening under the artificial lights, and he was easily pulling away from Capirossi's powder blue Suzuki.

Marco Melandri had impressed in practise and qualifying on the Hayate Kawasaki, but his luck ran out as the field entered the first corner on lap 2. The Italian outbraked himself and ran off the track at high speed, but managed to stay onboard and set off after the disappearing tail enders.

Having dealt with his team-mate, Valentino Rossi quickly closed down the gap to his fellow Italian Capirossi, and passed the veteran on lap 3. Andrea Dovizioso took his Repsol Honda past Lorenzo for 4th position. Now Stoner was well in front, ahead of a four-way scrap between Rossi, Capirossi, Dovizioso and Lorenzo, with Rizla Suzuki rider Chris Vermeulen behind them in 6th, followed by Monster Energy Yamaha's Colin Edwards. The two ex-Superbike racers were fighting amongst themselves, with Edwards passing Vermeulen to take 6th position. Loris Capirossi could not maintain his early pace, and lost 3rd place to his much younger countryman Dovizioso.

Things started to get exciting on lap 7. Jorge Lorenzo outbraked Dovizioso to nick third place, the pair almost touching on the start finish straight. James Toseland on the second Monster Energy Yamaha then ran off the track at turn one, much the same way as Melandri had earlier. Loris Capirossi was struggling for pace, and with Colin Edwards breathing down his neck, the Italian slid off the track in a right-hander. What would be a fairly standard lowside crash was transformed into an amazing night-time spectacle, as the Suzuki scraped down the track throwing up a massive shower of sparks. Little Capirex was uninjured, and trudged away unaided.

At the front, Valentino Rossi had chipped away at Casey Stoner's lead, with the gap down to just 2 seconds...

Read the rest of my review of MotoGP's visit to Qatar at Motorbikesport.com

BSB Brands Indy: Wins for Guintoli and Camier

2009-04-14T21:53:00.003+01:00

The British Superbike Championship season kicked off at the short Brands Hatch Indy circuit, with the wins shared between Frenchman Sylvain Guintoli and Englishman Leon Camier.

Guintoli is the sole rider for Worx Crescent Suzuki this year, and as an ex-MotoGP rider all eyes were on him to deliver a good performance. He got the race meeting off to a perfect start by taking pole position on his first visit to the track. HM Plant Honda's new Aussie rider Josh Brookes was unluckiest of all, denied entry to the UK by a pencil pusher who was heroically defending our borders from world-class motorcycle racers who have travelled the world for years without claiming asylum anywhere. Brookes was replaced at Brands by veteran Steve Plater, who would have to race in both the Superbike and Supersport classes.

Race One
Scotsman Stuart Easton took the lead on his Hydrex Honda as the field streamed into Paddock Hill bend for the first time. Behind him, his team mate Karl Harris was battling with Steve Plater, with HM Plant's legal Aussie Glen Richards 4th ahead of Guintoli and Airwaves Yamaha's Leon Camier.

The safety car soon appeared after a high speed crash at Clearways left Matt Bond lying in the track. He was badly battered but basically OK.

When the race restarted, Easton kept his lead, but Glen Richards passed his team mate Plater. A lap later, Richards pounced to take the lead, and Sylvain Guintoli was closing rapidly on Plater. Karl Harris was the first of the leaders to make a big mistake, sliding off the track and out of the race. Steve Plater was relishing the unexpected opportunity to race a superbike, and he overtook Easton on lap 11 to make it an HM Plant Honda one-two at the front. However, Guintoli and Camier were now breathing down Stuart Easton's neck as he tried to hold third place.

Steve Plater took the lead from Richards, totally ignoring the concept of a team pecking order in true wildcard style. With the laps clicking down at a crazy rate due to the very short 47 second lap time, the front group was turning into a five bike squabble. Guintoli was soon up to second, with Camier taking third. Then on lap 16 chaos suddenly reigned at Druids hairpin. Steve Plater fell off all on his own, and almost simultaneously just a few bike lengths behind him, Leon Camier ran off the track while battling with Richards.

There was now a lead group of three, with Guintoli leading from Richards and Easton, then a long gap back to Airwaves Yamaha's James Ellison in 4th. Ellison, another ex-MotoGP rider, lost out to his team-mate Camier with just over a lap to go.

Sylvain Guintoli's Suzuki squirmed around as he led the field round Clearways for the last time to take the chequered flag. It was a brilliant performance from the popular Frenchman as he won his first ever BSB race. Glen Richards took a decent second place, while Stuart Easton took an impressive podium finish, having raced on his spare bike and suffered tyre problems. Leon Camier was 4th, ahead of Ellison and Gary Mason, who was the first Cup class rider home on the Quay Garage Honda.

To read about race two, read my full report of the British Superbike Championship's Brands Hatch Indy meeting at Motorbikesport.com

MotoGP Qatar Race To Run On Monday

2009-04-13T10:47:00.005+01:00

Well, the sheer idiocy of night racing has finally revealed itself. Qatar's floodlit MotoGP race was abandoned before the parade lap because more than 5 MegaWatts of light reflecting off the wet track surface would have dazzled the riders.

However, the race has been rescheduled to run on Monday at 9pm local time, which is 7pm British Summer Time. To watch in the UK, we'll have to press the red button on a BBC channel at 6.45pm BST, or watch live streaming on the BBC Sport website (available in UK only). It also appears that British Eurosport will be allowed to show the race live due to the circumstances, so fans of Tobe and Jules should be happy. Tune in to British Eurosport 2 at 6.45pm for their coverage.

BBC Shafts MotoGP Viewers Again

2009-04-08T16:23:00.005+01:00

The BBC took a lot of flak from the punters about MotoGP at the end of last year, when it was announced that they would have exclusive coverage and British Eurosport would be out on their ears. They protested loudly, saying they were committed to MotoGP and would be doing a great job again.

But that was bullshit. Both the Qatar and Indianapolis races will be shown on the digital-only channel BBC Three, not the two main channels that everyone can receive.

It'll be interesting to see what excuses Belinda and pals concoct about this one.

Screw you, BBC.

WSBK Valencia: Nitro Nori Doubles

2009-04-06T20:42:00.000+01:00

Noriyuki Haga took a double victory when the World Superbike circus visited Valencia, keeping up his championship challenge on the Xerox Ducati.

The Valencia track is far too tight and twisty for big, heavy Superbikes to race on. In fact, it's only really suited to tiny 125cc machines. However, if you have to choose a Superbike to race at Valencia, it would be a Ducati, whose grumbling V-twin engine is perfect for accelerating out of the Spanish track's slow corners.

Ben Spies had taken pole position on his Yamaha, but a qualifying lap and a race lap are two different animals. He would have three Ducatis alongside him on the front row.

Race One
The surprise leader into turn one was crazy Frenchman Regis Laconi, who won a 500cc Grand Prix here 10 years earlier. However, his satellite Ducati ran wide on the exit, letting Haga past. Suzuki rider Max Neukirchner popped up into 2nd place, and Troy Corser rose as high as 4th place before lowsiding out of the race from 5th a couple of laps in.

Ben Spies was a little ragged, but climbed to 4th after making a poor start, though he was being harried by the evergreen Yukio Kagayama. They were still in touch with the leaders, with Neukirchner briefly taking the lead before Haga snatched it back. Laconi kept watch in 3rd.

Nori Haga can be infuriatingly inconsistent, but when he has one of his good days, it becomes blindingly obvious why his suport is so fanatical. This was one of his good days. The Japanese star started stretching away from the following bikes, setting fastest laps as he went.

Haga's Xerox Ducati team-mate Michel Fabrizio is even more inconsistent, but he was working his way through the field, getting up to 4th place. This became 3rd when the shine came off Ben Spies' start to the season. The gangly Texan was pushing to stay with Neukirchner when he hopped off at the super-fast turn one. The bike was trashed, but Spies was straight on his feet, trudging disconsolately back to his garage after his first major mistake of the season.

Haga led over the line to take the victory on his Xerox Ducati. In 2nd place was his younger team-mate Fabrizio, just fractions ahead of Max Neukirchner's Suzuki. Regis Laconi's Ducati was right with them in 4th. Leon Haslam was by far the best Honda rider, taking his Stiggy machine to an excellent 5th place ahead of Kagayama's Suzuki, Tom Sykes on the second Yamaha Italia machine, and the Aprilia of Max Biaggi in 8th, recovering from a truly disastrous 18th position on the grid.

Race Two
Once again it was Regis Laconi's Ducati that took the lead into turn one, and once again he ran out wide, letting Neukirchner and Fabrizio past. Haga too passed the Frenchman, and Ben Spies overtook him on the second lap. Haga wasn't keen to sit looking at his team-mate's rear tyre, and outbraked the Italian a lap later. Almost immediately, Haga was on the back of Neukirchner.

Ben Spies was showing no ill effects from his race one tumble when he outbraked Michel Fabrizio into turn one to take 3rd place. He started to close on Haga in 2nd, but the Samurai of Slide managed to make a great exit from the last turn and slipstream alongside Neukirchner's missile-fast Suzuki on the start/finish straight, outbraking the German into turn one. The Japanese rider then proceeded to stretch out into the lead. Ben Spies stole 2nd place from Neukirchner in the twisty outfield, but the Texan simply couldn't match Haga's pace, and had to watch the Ducati gradually disappear into the distance.

Neukirchner was now falling back through the pack, his Suzuki better suited to fast tracks where it can stretch its legs. The German was soon losing 5th place to Leon Haslam, who was fastest Honda yet again. Ahead of him the fight for 3rd place was between two Ducatis, with Michel Fabrizio just holding off Regis Laconi.

Carlos Checa was running in 7th, and behind him was a four man battle for 8th. MotoGP refugee John Hopkins had the place on the second Stiggy bike, but was eaten up by the squabbling trio of Tom Sykes, Max Biaggi and Ryuichi Kiyonari. It was Sykes who blinked first, running wide and letting Biaggi and Kiyonari past. With the bickering bunch slowing each other down, Shane Byrne joined the back of this group on his Sterilgarda Ducati. The tiny Roman Emperor, Max Biaggi, took his tiny Aprilia V4 to the front of the mini freight train in 8th place, finishing ahead of Kiyonari, Sykes, Byrne and John Hopkins.

Nori Haga made it a double as he wheelied across the line, with Ben Spies 2nd and Michel Fabrizio bagging the last podium spot. Laconi took 4th, with Haslam in another great 5th place, top Honda rider once more, ahead of Checa and Neukirchner.

It was a great day for Haga, who stretched out a championship lead of 40 points over Spies. Just 11 points cover the next 5 championship positions from Neukirchner to Biaggi.

Stoner Hero at GP Zero

2009-03-30T13:17:00.004+01:00

Casey Stoner ignored his still-crocked wrist to demolish the field in the mock qualifying session at the Jerez MotoGP test, dubbed "GP Zero", and strolled off with the prize: a ludicrously quick baby BMW.

The Aussie is still having trouble with that wrist, which is taking a long, long time to heal fully after an off-season operation. This didn't stop him wrestling the new carbon-framed Ducati round to a stunning "pole position" though. He still hasn't completed a race distance for ages, but it seems very sensible to hold off that kind of punishment for as long as he possibly can. They don't give out points for race distances in testing. An incredible lap from Stoner to win the Beemer, so don't bet against him taking his second world championship.

Valentino Rossi had to settle for second place on his FIAT Yamaha, but the (arguably) Greatest Of All Time is still looking good for another title challenge. I wouldn't bet against him either.

Loris Capirossi was the surprise 3rd place finisher. Maybe the Suzuki's pre season testing pace will hold up in the season this time. The second Rizla Suzuki bike was Chris Vermeulen in 5th, so this might be Suzuki's year. Maybe.

In between the two powder blue bikes was Rossi's young team-mate, Jorge Lorenzo. 4th was a decent result for the Spaniard as he continues his adaptation to Bridgestone tyres.

Finland's Mika Kallio finished an excellent 6th on the satellite Pramac Ducati. He's the rookie that everyone is talking about this year, and is already on the pace. Definitely one to watch.

New factory Repsol Honda rider Andrea Dovizioso won't be too chuffed with 7th place. However, he's still better off than his team-mate Dani Pedrosa, who didn't show up at all, still crocked after various injuries and operations. Dovi might well out-pace his teeny team leader this season. It'll be very interesting to find out.

Thankfully free from the evil sponsorship of Equatorial Guinea's dictator, Sete Gibernau took his satellite Dodgy Builder Ducati to a very respectable 8th place. He was still complaining about his dodgy shoulder, which has been dodgy for ever and ever and ever. A lot of head-shaking for Sete, then. After retiring, why on earth would he return and throw himself to the MotoGP wolves again? Who knows, but he seems to be doing alright so far.

Little hang-off-the-bike nutcase Toni Elias brought his satellite-but-factory Gresini Honda to a half-decent 9th place. Not bad going, but Toni is so unpredictable it's impossible to tell if he'll have a great season or a terrible one.

Colin "Excuses" Edwards finished 10th on the satellite Tech 3 Yamaha. Not all that brilliant considering that the Tech 3 machines are thought to be very close to factory spec. Still, the Texan ex-WSBK champ was upbeat. Will he have yet another season to forget? Hmmm, I dunno.

Nicky Hayden had a mediocre session, finishing just 11th on the second factory Ducati, outpaced by two satellite machines. I seriously doubt that Nicky can adapt to the insane Bologna Bullet. That bike can only be ridden quickly by a certain little Aussie who doesn't know what all the fuss is about. The only way I can see for the Kentucky Kid to get back to the sharp end of the grid is if Dorna bring back the 990's, which is what every single MotoGP fan and most riders want. But that will only happen after aliens land on the White House lawn and persuade Mr Obama to invade Spain and force Dorna to see sense. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Marco Melandri amazingly finished faster than several people, taking 12th on the Kawasaki. Uh, no, the uh, Hayate. Yeah. An extremely impressive showing from Marco, since the "Hayate" is such an awful formerly-green machine. So maybe riding the Hayate won't be Hari-Kiri for Melandri after all. Hopefully the likeable Italian can return to his old form and snag a great ride for next year. Simply getting into the top ten on that bike would impress the hell out of everyone.

Randy de Puniet took 13th on the Playboy LCR Honda. (Yes, Playboy. Presumably they got the bunny sponsorship because Randy de Puniet spends so much time admiring rabbit burrows in gravel traps.) He was joined by fellow Honda satellite riders Yuki Takahashi and Alex de Angelis in 14th and 15th. Those satellite Hondas look like being rubbish this year, but keep an eye out for those guys in the wet and in their home races. You never know.

James Toseland took 16th fastest on the second Tech 3 Yamaha. Recovering from a massive highside earlier on in pre-season testing at Malaysia, he suffered a massive highside during the GP Zero session. The Englishman was briefly knocked out in the nasty high-speed crash, suffering a concussion and causing the session to be red-flagged. It doesn't look like being Toseland's year.

Niccolo Canepa was the last of the regular riders, finishing 18th on the second Pramac Ducati. As a former Ducati test-rider, Canepa was supposed to be good on the bike. Well, that's looking pretty dubious. He has an Italian passport though, so he'll be OK.

So overall, what do we take away from GP Zero? Well, It looks like another Stoner versus Rossi battle for the championship, and it's impossible to tell which one of them will come out on top.

BSB Back on ITV

2009-03-30T13:10:00.002+01:00

A lot of fans weren't happy when the British Superbike Championship's TV coverage moved from the Freeview terrestrial station ITV4 to the subscription satellite station British Eurosport 2. However, this year it looks like a pretty reasonable deal has been struck that should satisfy more of the viewing public.

Live coverage of the British Superbikes and many of their support races will continue to be shown on British Eurosport 2, letting the hardcore fans have their fix. However, there will now be a BSB highlights show on ITV4 on Saturday afternoons. Although people tend to prefer live coverage, an action packed series like BSB is ideal for highlight shows, as there will be utter mayhem for the entire program. It also broadens the audience back to the millions who can access ITV4 on Freeview. The highlights will also be shown mid-week (and presumably mid-night) on the main ITV1 station.

Sounds like good news to me.

WSBK Qatar: Spies Double - Oh, Heaven!

2009-03-15T17:29:00.002Z

Ben Spies continued his breathtaking dominance of the World Superbike series by taking pole position and winning the double at Qatar, but Noriyuki Haga kept his championship lead with a pair of second place finishes.

Race One

Max Biaggi made his customary lightning start on the V4 Aprilia, with Noriyuki Haga's Xerox Ducati slotting into second place. Polesitter Ben Spies could only manage 4th place into turn one on his Yamaha, with Jakub Smrz impressively slotting his privateer Ducati into 3rd in front of the Texan. Shinya Nakano on the second Aprilia was keeping Spies in sight, and there was soon a battle for 3rd between Nakano, Smrz and Spies, with the Texan struggling to pass his rivals.

Biaggi's Aprilia was very quick in a straight line, certainly quicker than Haga's factory Ducati, as the Japanese contender was just a tad too slow to slipstream past the late-braking Roman Emperor. Spies woke up and dispatched Nakano and Smrz, who suffered a big highside shortly afterwards. The American had now woken up and was travelling faster and faster, slipstreaming past Haga then passing Biaggi for the lead on the same lap, at two-thirds of race distance.

Behind the leaders, Nakano's Aprilia was in 4th place, which he would hold to the end of the race. Ten Kate Honda's Carlos Checa came through the pack into 5th, but couldn't quite hunt down his old MotoGP rival. It was an encouraging race for Shane Byrne on the underfunded Sterilgarda Ducati, taking a very respectable 6th after a pair of DNF's in Australia, while Tom Sykes on the second Yamaha Italia machine continued his learning process with 7th.

Back at the front, Spies got his head down and reeled off some fast laps that the following pair just couldn't keep up with, stretching out a 1.8 second lead by the end of the race. Biaggi and Haga, who have never really seen eye to eye, battled closely for 2nd place. Using his Ducati's superior handling, Haga made an excellent entry onto the straight, and managed to slipstream past Biaggi's Aprilia to nick 2nd and relegate the Italian to 3rd place.

Overall it was a fairly unexciting race, largely due to the Losail circuit's dull, F1-esque design. Ben Spies was shockingly quick on a track that he has never raced on before, while the usual suspects of Haga and Biaggi rounded out the podium. The Aprilia was especially impressive for a brand new bike, taking 3rd and 4th places and holding its own on the endless start-finish straight. One of the biggest disappointments was Max Neukirchner, who struggled for pace all weekend on his Suzuki and ended up with a DNF, despite being fastest down the straights at 200mph.

Read the rest of my review of the Qatar round of the World Superbike championship at Motorbikesport.com

Suzi Perry - Get Well Soon

2009-03-06T12:56:00.003Z

Sometimes we all take bike racing too seriously, and something brings us back to earth with a jolt. The BBC's MotoGP presenter Suzi Perry was rushed to hospital recently, and needed emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. A message on her website suziperry.com states that thanks to the medical staff she is now recovering from the operation, but is devastated by the loss of her baby.

I'm sure we'd all like to wish Suzi a swift recovery from her surgery, and offer our deepest sympathy for her loss.