5ives http://www.5ives.com Merlin's Lists of Five Things Sun, 12 Apr 2009 21:24:26 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 en This is an XML content feed. It is intended to be viewed in a newsreader or syndicated to another site. Five things the lady standing outside the window at the Today Show, holding a cardboard sign with a picture of a kitten she cut out of Parade Magazine, is thinking about right now http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/Y2VPn2nT3aI/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/today-cat-lady/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 21:24:26 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=453 <ol> <li>"I hope Mr. Phineas T. Snugglewhiskers doesn't hog all the treats from The Princess Party Triplets and Li'l Cap'n Funnynose."</li> <li>"I'll bet the cats other people here think about aren't as precious as mine and can't even tell when the mailman is secretly waiting for the best time to take all of us out to Applebee's in his mail truck for a big skillet dinner and a Fanta."</li> <li>"My feet hurt."</li> <li>"I wonder if my feet hurt because I have diabetes. Jesus, I hope Pickles McPicklepickle No. 3 and Kitti Katfenstahl don't eat my toes tonight."</li> <li>"Felicia Butterfly Oliver Sacks Von Precioushugs better not be recording over my stories; she's not <em>that</em> gee-dee precious."</li> </ol>
  • “I hope Mr. Phineas T. Snugglewhiskers doesn’t hog all the treats from The Princess Party Triplets and Li’l Cap’n Funnynose.”
  • “I’ll bet the cats other people here think about aren’t as precious as mine and can’t even tell when the mailman is secretly waiting for the best time to take all of us out to Applebee’s in his mail truck for a big skillet dinner and a Fanta.”
  • “My feet hurt.”
  • “I wonder if my feet hurt because I have diabetes. Jesus, I hope Pickles McPicklepickle No. 3 and Kitti Katfenstahl don’t eat my toes tonight.”
  • “Felicia Butterfly Oliver Sacks Von Precioushugs better not be recording over my stories; she’s not that gee-dee precious.”
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/today-cat-lady/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/today-cat-lady/     Five menu items at Silver Spoon Thai that could also be the name of an unsuccessful sex worker http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/Q5CT7cTkfJY/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-menu-items-at-silver-spoon-thai-that-could-also-be-the-name-of-an-unsuccessful-sex-worker/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 21:09:33 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=452 <ol> <li>Jasmine Rice</li> <li>Ginger Snapper</li> <li>Rainbow Salad</li> <li>Volcano Prawns</li> <li>Pumpkin Curry</li> </ol>
  • Jasmine Rice
  • Ginger Snapper
  • Rainbow Salad
  • Volcano Prawns
  • Pumpkin Curry
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-menu-items-at-silver-spoon-thai-that-could-also-be-the-name-of-an-unsuccessful-sex-worker/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-menu-items-at-silver-spoon-thai-that-could-also-be-the-name-of-an-unsuccessful-sex-worker/     Five terrible fake Mitch Albom books http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/sD-MckHlilQ/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-terrible-fake-mitch-albom-books/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 21:09:03 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=451 <ol> <li><em>Mondays with Whiskey</em></li> <li><em>The Five People You Meet in Line at Arby's</em></li> <li><em>Saturday with Morrie's Roommate...It's...Like...Oh...You Know...Like... "Sal," or "Sid," or Something Kind of Jew-y</em></li> <li><em>Wednesdays When That One Nurse with the Rack Washes Morrie Real Slow Like</em></li> <li><em>Something Something Inspiration Old Person Just Call It Whatever But Just Definitely Change This Shit, Okay? --ma</em></li> </ol>
  • Mondays with Whiskey
  • The Five People You Meet in Line at Arby’s
  • Saturday with Morrie’s Roommate…It’s…Like…Oh…You Know…Like… “Sal,” or “Sid,” or Something Kind of Jew-y
  • Wednesdays When That One Nurse with the Rack Washes Morrie Real Slow Like
  • Something Something Inspiration Old Person Just Call It Whatever But Just Definitely Change This Shit, Okay? –ma
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-terrible-fake-mitch-albom-books/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-terrible-fake-mitch-albom-books/     Five excellent fake names I’ve never found a place to use http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/CjDMnzzD1oE/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-excellent-fake-names-ive-never-found-a-place-to-use/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 21:08:02 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=450 <ol> <li>Kel Domage</li> <li>Rosco Green</li> <li>Skip Intro</li> <li>Fanny B. Tender</li> <li>Romana Clay</li> </ol>
  • Kel Domage
  • Rosco Green
  • Skip Intro
  • Fanny B. Tender
  • Romana Clay
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-excellent-fake-names-ive-never-found-a-place-to-use/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-excellent-fake-names-ive-never-found-a-place-to-use/     Five inanimate objects that frequently seem annoyed with me http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/7dfSVk0Pano/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-inanimate-objects-that-frequently-seem-annoyed-with-me/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 21:07:19 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=449 <ol> <li>Nüvi GPS navigator</li> <li>Windows Media Player</li> <li>pineapples</li> <li>all sports equipment</li> <li>the Taco Bell lady</li> </ol>
  • Nüvi GPS navigator
  • Windows Media Player
  • pineapples
  • all sports equipment
  • the Taco Bell lady
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-inanimate-objects-that-frequently-seem-annoyed-with-me/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2009/04/12/five-inanimate-objects-that-frequently-seem-annoyed-with-me/     Five terrible fake Jane Austen novels http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/65rI12F3Vyg/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-terrible-fake-jane-austen-novels/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:55:13 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=446 <ol> <li>Rash and Rationality</li> <li>Punk and Punctuality</li> <li>Beast and Bestiality</li> <li>Funk and Functionality</li> <li>Fried and Credulous</li> </ol>
  • Rash and Rationality
  • Punk and Punctuality
  • Beast and Bestiality
  • Funk and Functionality
  • Fried and Credulous
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-terrible-fake-jane-austen-novels/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-terrible-fake-jane-austen-novels/     Five rejected names for Austin BBQ restaurants http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/7oH3g-ikPQw/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:54:47 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/ <ol> <li>The Saltiest Joint</li> <li>Suck the Bone</li> <li>Unexpectedly Covered in Sauce</li> <li>Bar-B-Q*bert</li> <li>Texas Pete's Rootin', Tootin' Pulled Pork 'n' Fellatio Funfactory</li> </ol>
  • The Saltiest Joint
  • Suck the Bone
  • Unexpectedly Covered in Sauce
  • Bar-B-Q*bert
  • Texas Pete’s Rootin’, Tootin’ Pulled Pork ‘n’ Fellatio Funfactory
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/445/     Five records I wish I could have sung backup on http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/ABEFE0x_Ml8/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-records-i-wish-i-could-have-sung-backup-on/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:52:57 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=444 <ol> <li>"You Didn't Have to Be So Nice" by The Lovin' Spoonful</li> <li>"Wall of Death" by Richard &#38; Linda Thompson</li> <li>"Rocks Off" by The Rolling Stones</li> <li><em>anything</em> by Neil Young &#38; Crazy Horse</li> <li>"The Village Green Preservation Society" by The Kinks</li> </ol>
  • “You Didn’t Have to Be So Nice” by The Lovin’ Spoonful
  • “Wall of Death” by Richard & Linda Thompson
  • “Rocks Off” by The Rolling Stones
  • anything by Neil Young & Crazy Horse
  • “The Village Green Preservation Society” by The Kinks
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-records-i-wish-i-could-have-sung-backup-on/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-records-i-wish-i-could-have-sung-backup-on/     Five occupations whose uniform I think I’d enjoy wearing http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/47y7g9uX0pg/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-occupations-whose-uniform-i-think-id-enjoy-wearing/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:52:17 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=443 <ol> <li>barber</li> <li>MUNI driver</li> <li>flight attendant</li> <li>kung-fu master</li> <li>deceased fried chicken entrepreneur </li> </ol>
  • barber
  • MUNI driver
  • flight attendant
  • kung-fu master
  • deceased fried chicken entrepreneur
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-occupations-whose-uniform-i-think-id-enjoy-wearing/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/08/19/five-occupations-whose-uniform-i-think-id-enjoy-wearing/     Five things that should be issued to every American on his or her 14th birthday http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/b5Fw5vx2-Bg/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/07/19/five-things-that-should-be-issued-to-every-american-on-his-or-her-14th-birthday/#comments Sat, 19 Jul 2008 17:52:46 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=441 <ol> <li>condoms (and instruction on how and when to use/not use them)</li> <li><em>The Elements of Style</em> by Strunk and White</li> <li>phone number of a super-cool, non-panicky adult (who will get you out of the jams your parents must never learn of)</li> <li><em>Surfer Rosa</em> by Pixies</li> <li>iPod on which to listen to <em>Surfer Rosa</em> at painfully loud volume</li> </ol>
  • condoms (and instruction on how and when to use/not use them)
  • The Elements of Style by Strunk and White
  • phone number of a super-cool, non-panicky adult (who will get you out of the jams your parents must never learn of)
  • Surfer Rosa by Pixies
  • iPod on which to listen to Surfer Rosa at painfully loud volume
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/07/19/five-things-that-should-be-issued-to-every-american-on-his-or-her-14th-birthday/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/07/19/five-things-that-should-be-issued-to-every-american-on-his-or-her-14th-birthday/     Five unusual Top Chef production crew titles http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/dIMENWnxYP0/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-unusual-top-chef-production-crew-titles/#comments Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:26:50 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=439 <ol> <li>Fauxhawk Sharpener</li> <li>Timpani Dramaticizer</li> <li>Molecular Gastronomy Re-explainer</li> <li>Foam Consultant</li> <li>Clog Wrangler</li> </ol>
  • Fauxhawk Sharpener
  • Timpani Dramaticizer
  • Molecular Gastronomy Re-explainer
  • Foam Consultant
  • Clog Wrangler
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-unusual-top-chef-production-crew-titles/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-unusual-top-chef-production-crew-titles/     Five poetic phrases culled from Joe McConnell’s Bay Area radio traffic report http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/BYvwlmsSc0A/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-poetic-phrases-culled-from-joe-mcconnells-bay-area-radio-traffic-report/#comments Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:26:00 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=440 <ol> <li>slow in pockets</li> <li>jackknifed big rig</li> <li>backed-up to the maze</li> <li>Friday-light</li> <li>goat on the shoulder</li> </ol>
  • slow in pockets
  • jackknifed big rig
  • backed-up to the maze
  • Friday-light
  • goat on the shoulder
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-poetic-phrases-culled-from-joe-mcconnells-bay-area-radio-traffic-report/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-poetic-phrases-culled-from-joe-mcconnells-bay-area-radio-traffic-report/     Five rejected titles for the latest Coldplay record http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/QQKaU1TzOHE/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-rejected-titles-for-the-latest-coldplay-record/#comments Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:24:12 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=438 <ol> <li><em>¿Perry Cómo Estás?</em></li> <li><em>Que Syrah Syrah</em></li> <li><em>Bicycletarse</em></li> <li><em>Chili Art Carney</em></li> <li><em>No Hablamos Español</em></li> </ol>
  • ¿Perry Cómo Estás?
  • Que Syrah Syrah
  • Bicycletarse
  • Chili Art Carney
  • No Hablamos Español
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-rejected-titles-for-the-latest-coldplay-record/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/06/09/five-rejected-titles-for-the-latest-coldplay-record/     Five rejected names for a single-serving meal product http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/xKnNDHcG3HE/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/04/04/five-rejected-names-for-a-single-serving-meal-product/#comments Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:24:48 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/?p=436 <ol> <li>Quiet Evenings</li> <li>Me &#38; the Kitties</li> <li>Lonesome Bites</li> <li>Monomunches</li> <li>Singles...for Life!</li> </ol>
  • Quiet Evenings
  • Me & the Kitties
  • Lonesome Bites
  • Monomunches
  • Singles…for Life!
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/04/04/five-rejected-names-for-a-single-serving-meal-product/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/04/04/five-rejected-names-for-a-single-serving-meal-product/     Five ways to leverage the mobile thinkosphere http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/jCnqplh9HaM/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/#comments Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:15:51 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/ <ol> <li>blogmobisodes</li> <li>webmobinars</li> <li>telestreamanogisodes</li> <li>lividmobipostiscussions</li> <li>netconvermomomobomasations</li> </ol>
  • blogmobisodes
  • webmobinars
  • telestreamanogisodes
  • lividmobipostiscussions
  • netconvermomomobomasations
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/19/five-ways-to-leverage-the-mobile-thinkosphere/     Five “Web 2.0″ ways to break up with your boyfriend http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/_lhMfF2GNDU/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/#comments Wed, 19 Mar 2008 03:37:01 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/ <ol> <li>add unflattering Flickr tag, "Fat asshole with a unibrow"</li> <li>change Facebook status to "He's literally dead to me"</li> <li>web widget counts up days since your last climax (currently: "193")</li> <li>share Zoho spreadsheet to split up MySpace friends</li> <li>decline to participate in Series B round of affection</li> </ol>
  • add unflattering Flickr tag, “Fat asshole with a unibrow”
  • change Facebook status to “He’s literally dead to me”
  • web widget counts up days since your last climax (currently: “193″)
  • share Zoho spreadsheet to split up MySpace friends
  • decline to participate in Series B round of affection
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/18/five-web-20-ways-to-break-up-with-your-boyfriend/     Five terrible fake astronomical pickup lines http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/BX6oQDd3wB4/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/#comments Thu, 13 Mar 2008 18:29:07 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/ <ol> <li>Ever wonder what's happening under Orion's belt?</li> <li>Hop in my van, and I'll show you something else that's constantly expanding.</li> <li>Was Democritus the first one to postulate your mysterious Milky Way?</li> <li>I'd like to Sagittarius your Pisces, and that's no Taurus.</li> <li>How about we go outside and discover Uranus?</li> </ol>
  • Ever wonder what’s happening under Orion’s belt?
  • Hop in my van, and I’ll show you something else that’s constantly expanding.
  • Was Democritus the first one to postulate your mysterious Milky Way?
  • I’d like to Sagittarius your Pisces, and that’s no Taurus.
  • How about we go outside and discover Uranus?
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/13/five-terrible-fake-astronomical-pickup-lines/     Five rejected names for “Cooter” on The Dukes of Hazzard http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/cPXFyGPvNQo/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/#comments Thu, 06 Mar 2008 10:58:12 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/ <ol> <li>Daniel Poon </li> <li>Mr. Strange</li> <li>Steve the Sleeve</li> <li>Snatch Adams</li> <li>Ol' Vag </li> </ol>
  • Daniel Poon
  • Mr. Strange
  • Steve the Sleeve
  • Snatch Adams
  • Ol’ Vag
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/03/06/five-rejected-names-for-cooter-on-the-dukes-of-hazzard/     Five cues that Robert Plant is ready to have sexual intercourse with you http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/AHloEF4oPL4/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/#comments Tue, 12 Feb 2008 16:30:46 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/ <ol> <li>gently enquires as to where you like to put the turkey baster</li> <li>repeatedly offers to demonstrate "how Blighty squeezes the lemonade"</li> <li>stands in your front yard, pants-less and swinging a garden hose in lazy figure-eights</li> <li>makes rapid "milking a cow" gesture while screaming something incoherent about Robert Johnson</li> <li>drops his semi-erect penis onto your dessert plate</li> </ol>
  • gently enquires as to where you like to put the turkey baster
  • repeatedly offers to demonstrate “how Blighty squeezes the lemonade”
  • stands in your front yard, pants-less and swinging a garden hose in lazy figure-eights
  • makes rapid “milking a cow” gesture while screaming something incoherent about Robert Johnson
  • drops his semi-erect penis onto your dessert plate
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/12/five-cues-that-robert-plant-is-ready-to-have-sexual-intercourse-with-you/     Five more terrible fake reality TV shows http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/b50SjKowOws/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/#comments Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:55:31 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/ <ol> <li>Are You Smarter Than an Ottoman?</li> <li>Project Segway</li> <li>Would You Eat This for Money?</li> <li>America's Next Top Preclear</li> <li>Who Wants to Be a Cultural Footnote?</li> </ol>
  • Are You Smarter Than an Ottoman?
  • Project Segway
  • Would You Eat This for Money?
  • America’s Next Top Preclear
  • Who Wants to Be a Cultural Footnote?
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/04/five-more-terrible-fake-reality-tv-shows/     Five subtle changes in the event that Microsoft acquires Yahoo! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/CWSxeYG26go/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2008 20:00:54 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/ <ol> <li>your Flickr.com photos are still your own (although human faces are now obscured by selected partner company logos)</li> <li>owing to unavoidable data corruption, all Upcoming.org events must be reinstalled monthly</li> <li>following upgrade to Vista, clicking del.icio.us links now requires 1 GB of RAM and 40 GB drive space (per link)</li> <li>Jerry Yang now compelled to "do that funny MC Hammer dance" whenever Ballmer's meds start wearing off</li> <li>folksy motto tweaked to "If You Ever Want to See That Pretty Family of Yours Again, You Damned Straight Better Fucking <em>Yahoo!</em>"</li> </ol>
  • your Flickr.com photos are still your own (although human faces are now obscured by selected partner company logos)
  • owing to unavoidable data corruption, all Upcoming.org events must be reinstalled monthly
  • following upgrade to Vista, clicking del.icio.us links now requires 1 GB of RAM and 40 GB drive space (per link)
  • Jerry Yang now compelled to “do that funny MC Hammer dance” whenever Ballmer’s meds start wearing off
  • folksy motto tweaked to “If You Ever Want to See That Pretty Family of Yours Again, You Damned Straight Better Fucking Yahoo!“
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-subtle-changes-in-the-event-that-microsoft-acquires-yahoo/     Five names you can belch http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/FdcU32vRtcI/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2008 16:04:36 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/ <ol> <li>Frank Black</li> <li>Bob Hodgkins</li> <li>Barack Obama</li> <li>Ponce De Leon</li> <li>John Hodgman</li> </ol>
  • Frank Black
  • Bob Hodgkins
  • Barack Obama
  • Ponce De Leon
  • John Hodgman
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/02/01/five-names-you-can-belch/     Five ways Angelina Jolie can quickly acquire more children http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/KKpERHo-W-0/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/31/five-ways-angelina-jolie-can-quickly-acquire-more-children/#comments Thu, 31 Jan 2008 22:12:53 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/31/five-ways-angelina-jolie-can-quickly-acquire-more-children/ <ol> <li>gestate auxiliary sets of twins in climate-controlled Fendi bags</li> <li>make Brad build a big-ass gingerbread house </li> <li>explore viability of controversial "dorsal carriage" (a/k/a "butt fetus")</li> <li>surreptitiously cruise Gymboree with mallet and a sack</li> <li>lay excess eggs in what's left of Sean Young </li> </ol>
  • gestate auxiliary sets of twins in climate-controlled Fendi bags
  • make Brad build a big-ass gingerbread house
  • explore viability of controversial “dorsal carriage” (a/k/a “butt fetus”)
  • surreptitiously cruise Gymboree with mallet and a sack
  • lay excess eggs in what’s left of Sean Young
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/31/five-ways-angelina-jolie-can-quickly-acquire-more-children/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/31/five-ways-angelina-jolie-can-quickly-acquire-more-children/     Five ways you’re unleashing the power of your blog http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/ua4gW341DyY/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/29/five-ways-youre-unleashing-the-power-of-your-blog/#comments Tue, 29 Jan 2008 16:56:42 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/29/five-ways-youre-unleashing-the-power-of-your-blog/ <ol> <li>tearing the veil away from the morally bankrupt raincheck policy at Marshall's</li> <li>"crowdsourcing" the naming of your new unicycle</li> <li>taking a symbolic day off from blogging to protest the unjust treatment of "some Oriental dude" you read about on Slashdot </li> <li>daring to name names in the "personal holocaust of customer service" you recently suffered at Fry's</li> <li>funny new snapshot of your kitty, "Warrant Officer Ripley," acting like she's people</li> </ol>
  • tearing the veil away from the morally bankrupt raincheck policy at Marshall’s
  • “crowdsourcing” the naming of your new unicycle
  • taking a symbolic day off from blogging to protest the unjust treatment of “some Oriental dude” you read about on Slashdot
  • daring to name names in the “personal holocaust of customer service” you recently suffered at Fry’s
  • funny new snapshot of your kitty, “Warrant Officer Ripley,” acting like she’s people
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/29/five-ways-youre-unleashing-the-power-of-your-blog/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/29/five-ways-youre-unleashing-the-power-of-your-blog/     Five terrible fake Sylvester Stallone franchise revivals http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/sFE4364LBko/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/28/five-terrible-fake-sylvester-stallone-franchise-revivals/#comments Mon, 28 Jan 2008 12:50:39 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/28/five-terrible-fake-sylvester-stallone-franchise-revivals/ <ol> <li><em>Rambo V: Could You Repeat the Specials, Please?</em></li> <li><em>Increasingly Less Over the Top</em></li> <li><em>Tango &#38; Cash II: Which One Am I Again?</em></li> <li><em>F.I.S.T.U.L.A.</em></li> <li><em>Rocky VII: Who Keeps Moving My Medicine?</em></li> </ol>
  • Rambo V: Could You Repeat the Specials, Please?
  • Increasingly Less Over the Top
  • Tango & Cash II: Which One Am I Again?
  • F.I.S.T.U.L.A.
  • Rocky VII: Who Keeps Moving My Medicine?
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/28/five-terrible-fake-sylvester-stallone-franchise-revivals/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/28/five-terrible-fake-sylvester-stallone-franchise-revivals/     Five presentation tips for delivering your Internet Manifesto http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/GSw3IRBiD0A/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/27/five-presentation-tips-for-delivering-your-internet-manifesto/#comments Mon, 28 Jan 2008 00:09:22 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/27/five-presentation-tips-for-delivering-your-internet-manifesto/ <ol> <li>talk through a vocoder, so maybe people will infer you're a mean robot</li> <li>as you address your audience, consider stroking a cat or cleaning your mom's rifle</li> <li>display tabular information about your perceived enemies in a large, readable typeface</li> <li>avoid contractions, so you'll sound more like Vincent Price</li> <li>work the cravat</li> </ol>
  • talk through a vocoder, so maybe people will infer you’re a mean robot
  • as you address your audience, consider stroking a cat or cleaning your mom’s rifle
  • display tabular information about your perceived enemies in a large, readable typeface
  • avoid contractions, so you’ll sound more like Vincent Price
  • work the cravat
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/27/five-presentation-tips-for-delivering-your-internet-manifesto/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/27/five-presentation-tips-for-delivering-your-internet-manifesto/     Five terrible fake names for villages in England http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/yyV3REIlqio/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-terrible-fake-names-for-villages-in-england/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:31:19 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-terrible-fake-names-for-villages-in-england/ <ol> <li>Fishpie-on-Porkstocking</li> <li>Poxham</li> <li>Monoclesfordington</li> <li>Mutton Moat Wood</li> <li>Penishire-on-Derbyhat</li> </ol>
  • Fishpie-on-Porkstocking
  • Poxham
  • Monoclesfordington
  • Mutton Moat Wood
  • Penishire-on-Derbyhat
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-terrible-fake-names-for-villages-in-england/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-terrible-fake-names-for-villages-in-england/     Five historical blog posts http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/fKa1A_iSpYY/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-historical-blog-posts/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:30:36 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-historical-blog-posts/ <ol> <li>Moses: Top 10 Bulletproof Tips for Not Pissing-off The Lord (2 tablets - reg req.)</li> <li>HOWTO: Some Guy Compares Thee to a Summer Day </li> <li>Crazy Italian Dude Totally Draws on Pope's Ceiling (DIGG THIS!!!!) </li> <li>I CAN HAZ INVISIBLE THUMBSCREWZ? Top 50 LOLInquisiton Macros</li> <li>BOOBIES - Hot Naked Chick Horses Around Coventry [PICS!]</li> </ol>
  • Moses: Top 10 Bulletproof Tips for Not Pissing-off The Lord (2 tablets - reg req.)
  • HOWTO: Some Guy Compares Thee to a Summer Day
  • Crazy Italian Dude Totally Draws on Pope’s Ceiling (DIGG THIS!!!!)
  • I CAN HAZ INVISIBLE THUMBSCREWZ? Top 50 LOLInquisiton Macros
  • BOOBIES - Hot Naked Chick Horses Around Coventry [PICS!]
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-historical-blog-posts/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-historical-blog-posts/     Five surprising things George Washington Carver made from peanuts http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/-KgOQ2dI1Yc/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-surprising-things-george-washington-carver-made-from-peanuts/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:29:52 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-surprising-things-george-washington-carver-made-from-peanuts/ <ol> <li>peanut-shaped peanut bowl made of peanut shells</li> <li>peanut surrey, drawn by two sweet potato horses</li> <li>Atari 2600</li> <li>peanut shuriken</li> <li>Side 2 of Boston's <em>Third Stage</em></li> </ol>
  • peanut-shaped peanut bowl made of peanut shells
  • peanut surrey, drawn by two sweet potato horses
  • Atari 2600
  • peanut shuriken
  • Side 2 of Boston’s Third Stage
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-surprising-things-george-washington-carver-made-from-peanuts/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-surprising-things-george-washington-carver-made-from-peanuts/     Five legal concepts I’m pretty sure I first learned from watching The People’s Court http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/5ives/~3/6gAdpoADmaQ/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-legal-concepts-im-pretty-sure-i-first-learned-from-watching-_the-peoples-court_/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:29:11 +0000 Merlin http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-legal-concepts-im-pretty-sure-i-first-learned-from-watching-_the-peoples-court_/ <ol> <li>creating a bailment</li> <li>"meeting of the minds"</li> <li><em>in loco parentis</em></li> <li>"reasonable expectation of privacy"</li> <li>compulsory post-trial interview with effeminate scolding man</li> </ol>
  • creating a bailment
  • “meeting of the minds”
  • in loco parentis
  • “reasonable expectation of privacy”
  • compulsory post-trial interview with effeminate scolding man
    • ]]>     http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-legal-concepts-im-pretty-sure-i-first-learned-from-watching-_the-peoples-court_/feed/ http://www.5ives.com/archives/2008/01/25/five-legal-concepts-im-pretty-sure-i-first-learned-from-watching-_the-peoples-court_/